


and it falls just where it needs to be

by mmxii



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Co-workers, M/M, a three-year-old, i feel like that needs a warning, it's not really a big thing but it comes up a few times, lmao jk i love him ok, magnus/vilde as bffs bc i love them, pan!mahdi, that just happened by itself so who am i to stop it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-08 03:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 53,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmxii/pseuds/mmxii
Summary: He’s only been back for seven minutes, but Isak is already sodone.or an au where isak works at a campsite and there’s suddenly a new guy joining their team. featuring a completely chill isak, a suspiciously quiet cat, and a three-year-old asking way too many difficult questions.





	1. a happy ant, the leaning tower of pisa, discussions about dna, and falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the fic!!! or..... at least the first chapter lol
> 
> ok so apparently i cant write short fics anymore??? when i got this idea i was like... ok this is gonna be maybe around 5-10k words or something? but....... well. as you can see that is not what happened. i just kept getting more and more ideas, and in the end i didnt even include one of the main plots of the first idea i had.... but anyways..... the whole thing will probably be around 8 chapters, but im not 100% sure yet
> 
> i thought for a long time about whether or not i should post this chapter now, since ive just started writing chapter two, but then i was like....... fuck it. i cant wait anymore, i need to get it out. so. here u go.
> 
> title from “wake me up” by ed sheeran.

**Mandag 26/6 - kl 18.07**

 

He’s only been back for seven minutes, but Isak is already so  _done_.

 

The worst thing about all of this is that he wasn’t even supposed to be here today. He wasn’t supposed to come back until tomorrow, but thanks to Daniel somehow managing to get hit in the head with a shovel badly enough to require a trip to the emergency room, Isak had been called in to finish his shift for him.

 

At least he got to sleep in this morning. Small mercies, and all that.

 

And okay, it’s not like being here is that bad. Most of the time he actually likes his job, has liked it pretty much since his first day, which is two years ago now. Ever since then, Fossbakken Camping has more or less become his second home during the summers, considering how much time he spends here. If he’s not working himself, then he’s keeping his friends company when they do. Or, if him and the boys all have the day off, they usually end up here anyway to hang out on the beach or nag Magnus’ parents for free food or bother their other friends when  _they_  work.

 

But despite how much he does like his job, he wouldn’t exactly have minded if his first day back for the season had started off with less of a hassle.

 

As he walks into the storeroom, where the incident had happened, Isak is met with chaos. He can admit that the room is usually a complete mess, something he might contribute to himself once in awhile, and it’s just a matter of time before an accident like this would happen. But he couldn’t imagine anything being able to make the state of the room worse than normal.

 

Well, everyone has to be wrong  _sometime_ , he supposes.

 

While a variety of tools are covering parts of the floor more often than not, it’s now barely visible through the layers of rakes and shovels and pots and tarpaulin and different-sized buckets, and whatever else is hidden in there.

 

Isak stands in the doorway for a moment to brace himself, before deciding to ignore the sea of things on the floor, instead pushing his way through the mess to reach the reason he stepped foot in the storeroom in the first place: the hose hanging on the back wall. He’ll deal with the other stuff later. Or, preferably, not at all. Maybe he could leave it to someone else to clean up. Knowing his luck, though, he’ll probably have to do it all by himself.

 

As if the state of the room wasn’t bad enough, he reaches the hose to find it wrapped around various items that make up the mess on the floor, and Isak can’t help the frustrated groan he lets out at the sight.

 

_Fucking Daniel._

 

Yes, he might have gotten hurt and all that, which could maybe gain him at least little bit of sympathy from Isak. But why did he have to make such a mess after himself? Why does he, and the world, hate Isak so much?

 

With great reluctance, he starts his struggle to untangle the hose. It takes longer than he’d like to admit, but eventually he manages to pull it free from all the garden tools, and he moves on to tackle the intricate knots on the hose itself. The lightbulb hanging from the ceiling in the storeroom is barely shining at all, swinging slightly back and forth on its cord, making Isak squint his eyes in the dim light.

 

The lack of light in the room is quickly getting annoying, and Isak can feel the beginning of a headache build up between his temples, so instead of suffering in the darkness any longer, he folds up the hose as well as he can and gathers it up in his arms, before turning around to continue the fight outside. By leaving the privacy and comfortable stillness of the storeroom he will most likely have to interact with other people, but at least he’ll be able to see the hose better out there, and hopefully also avoid any further developments of a headache.

 

But of course it’s not as simple as that.

 

He doesn’t know how it happens. He’s walked in and out of the storeroom hundreds of times in all the months he’s worked here. So the fact that he suddenly forgot all about the abnormally high threshold is admittedly very strange. But he did, and as a result of his muddled mind he ends up falling helplessly to the ground, his knees scraping painfully against the rough sidewalk as he lands.

 

“Fuck!”

 

“That’s a bad word.”

 

Isak’s head snaps up to find the source of the voice, and he doesn’t have to tilt it far at all before he’s met with the sight of a small boy. Isak doesn’t have much experience with kids, which is sort of surprising considering the fact that this is his third summer here and during the countless hours he’s spent at the campsite, there hasn’t been more than a few minutes at a time where he’s not constantly surrounded by the deafening noise of children doing everything from crying to laughing (or sometimes even some scary mix in-between).

 

Despite this, he hasn’t really interacted with any of them, doing his best to avoid the whole playground/activity area and thankfully not even having to cover any shifts for any poor soul who has to endure that on a daily basis. But, based on the knowledge he does have and the size of this kid, he would say he’s probably around three or four years old.

 

That’s about as far as his evaluation goes, though, and after that he just blinks at the kid for another moment, eventually stuttering out an intelligent “Uhh” as some kind of answer.

 

“My brothers say it all the time but mommy says it’s bad,” the boy continues, a frown barely visible behind the dark hair falling into his eyes.

 

Isak finally manages to snap himself out of the confusion caused by unexpectedly being approached by a random kid, and then immediately goes on to mentally cursing himself for defiling this three-year-old’s world by swearing in front of him.

 

In Isak’s defense, he hadn’t even seen anyone close to him as he exited the storeroom, and the kid  _is_  really tiny, but still. He thought the start of his day was a bad enough as it was, but this situation right here might actually be even worse. Thankfully, he’s friends with his bosses’ son, so hopefully that will give him some leeway in case this kid’s parents find out about this and decide to complain about him to the management. Otherwise this might lead to a summer with a lot less money in his bank account.

 

“Yeah, it  _is_  bad. So don’t say it,” Isak hurries to say, hoping,  _praying_ , that will be enough to prevent the kid from repeating  _that_  word anywhere near his parents.

 

As soon as the words are out of Isak’s mouth his mind uselessly decides that  _now_  would be a great time for him to remember the whole thing about kids and how they supposedly “do what we  _do_ , not what we  _say_ ”, something Isak has no idea how he even learned in the first place. But it’s about ten seconds too late, because based on that theory he just did the exact opposite of what he should have done.

 

So yup, he’s fucked. Knowing his bosses’ son probably counts for nothing after all.

 

However, this kid seems to be an exception, because he just studies Isak for another moment before crouching down and shifting his focus to the ground where a group of ants are making their way over the sidewalk. Isak lets out a relieved sigh.  _Crisis averted_. Although when he catches sight of the hose in his hands again, he almost wishes it hadn’t so he could avoid trying to untangle the hose for just a little while longer.

 

Rock. Isak. Hard place.

 

Surprisingly, the faceplanting had somehow managed to help him solve the problem, and it only takes another minute of concentration before the hose is straightened out.

 

He’s just about to start what was meant to be his actual first task of his workday -- watering the plants throughout the campsite -- when the kid speaks again.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

Isak looks up at him, finding him still on the ground next to the ants. “Isak. What’s your name?”

 

“Leon,” the boy says, and then he points a tiny finger towards his feet. “Isak, this ant is really happy.”

 

The unexpected comment startles a laugh out of Isak, and he has to take a few seconds to collect himself enough to be able to speak. “How can you tell?”

 

“It’s smiling,” Leon says, as if that should have been obvious.

 

“Okay.” A part of Isak wants to point out that ants can’t really smile, but he figures he’s done enough damage to the boy, what with the swearing and all that. He can let him have this moment of happiness, even though the nerd inside him itches to correct him. Instead, he just watches Leon for a while longer and then goes back to the flowers.

 

“My favourite bugs are bees and ants. You know why?” Leon asks, but Isak doesn’t even have time to open his mouth before Leon continues, his words almost tumbling out faster than he can say them. “And ladybugs! You know why? Ants are really strong. And ladybugs are  _so cute_  and bees make honey for you.”

 

Isak smiles at him. “That’s true.”

 

Leon nods weakly, most of his attention back to the ground where he’s trying to get one of the ants to climb onto his hand without much success, the ant only turning around as soon as it gets close to his fingers.

 

As the conversation seems to be over, Isak once again returns to doing his job, and he manages to finish watering all of the peonies by the storeroom and the entire colourful flowerbed on the other side of the sidewalk without any trouble, or further interruptions. Then, just as he’s about to move on to the bushes by the tent area, a loud voice startles him out of his task.

 

“Leon!”

 

The sound is followed by a woman striding up the sidewalk towards them, her skirt flowing around her knees with her rapid movements. She’s visibly frustrated, at least if her narrowed eyes and they way she’s pressing her lips together is anything to go by.

 

Leon looks up at her as she keeps getting closer, grinning widely despite the expression on her face, and he’s practically bubbling with excitement when he talks. “Mommy! Look at this ant! It’s really happy!”

 

The woman lets out an exasperated sigh. “Yeah, yeah.  _Come on_. We need to go.”

 

“Why?”

 

“ _Because_. Come on!” the woman demands, before grabbing onto Leon’s arm and hauling him to his feet.

 

Leon pouts, then turns to Isak. “What’s your name again?”

 

“Isak.”

 

“Okay. Bye, Isak,” Leon says. He starts to wave but then his mom grabs onto his hand and more or less drags him towards the parking lot.

 

Isak watches them until they disappear in the sea of cars, lost in thought for a moment before he finally goes back to the flowers. The next thirty minutes or so are a blur of hydrangeas and petunias and probably at least ten other types of plants that Isak can’t remember all the names of. He’s in the middle of watering a couple of rose bushes by the main building of the campsite when his brain, once again, finds something more interesting to focus on than work.

 

The guy is sitting on the bench outside the camping shop, elbows resting on his knees and phone in his hand. He’s wearing a Fossbakken Camping shirt, which is weird, because Isak has never seen him here before, and it’s not like the campsite is  _that_  big. If he had been here before, Isak is a hundred percent sure he would recognize him. If not from the fact that he works here then he would definitely remember his face.

 

Because  _shit_.

 

He has no idea how someone can look this good, especially considering the luminous green of their shirts. Not even a pretty face should be able to outshine that colour. That should honestly be impossible, but, somehow, this guy can truly pull it off. Although Isak is fairly certain there’s nothing that would look bad on this guy, but still. It’s unbelievably unfair, especially when Isak himself mostly resembles a grumpy glow stick when he wears the shirt.

 

“Isak.”

 

He’s almost overwhelmed by the sudden need to know who this guy is, and it’s strange that he doesn’t already know about him since they usually get informed when they have a new member joining their team. The longer he thinks about it, the more unsure he gets. Maybe they did actually inform him somehow, but he just didn’t pay attention. He wouldn’t be surprised in the least if that were true; he usually tunes their administrator, Monica, out when she talks, and only skimming distractedly through her emails. She tends to repeat herself at least three times, and Isak has better things to do than listen to, or read, all of that. Like daydreaming, for example.

 

At least, that’s the preferable option most of the time, but this time Isak regrets doing it. He could really have used some warning about this, to at least _try_  to prepare himself for it.

 

So taking into consideration the admittedly pretty big possibility of him missing the announcement about the new guy, he makes a mental list on ways to proceed with the mission of finding out who he is.

 

  1. Look through the staff room for any information about any new recruits.
  2. Search through the mess of his inbox for any email that might mention something about it.
  3. Find some casual way to ask the boys about him.
  4. Ask  _him_.



 

Number four is out of the question almost immediately, and so is number three. Because Isak is self aware enough to know that there’s no way he would be able to be casual about this, not around the boys. They know him too well for that. So, the first two it is. If he hurries to eat his dinner today then he could have time to do it during his break and-

 

“Isak!”

 

“What?” Isak snaps out of his head and finds himself face to face with Jonas. A suspiciously amused Jonas, who nods his head in the direction of the rose bush, which Isak is  _still_  watering, the liquid flowing over the edge of the pot and already having created a puddle around his shoes.

 

“Fuck,” Isak curses, quickly releasing the hose to make the water stop. If there’s a blush on his face it’s because it’s still hot outside,  _okay_ , even though it’s already close to seven. When he looks back up again Jonas is just standing there smirking at him.

 

“Shut up,” Isak mutters, before turning the hose back on and aiming it in Jonas’ direction.

 

Unfortunately, he jumps out of the way before the water has time to hit him. Asshole.

 

 

**Tirsdag 27/6 - kl 12.33**

 

Isak somehow manages to time his lunch with all three of the boys, which is not as easy as it might sound. They are all on different schedules this whole week, so for all of them to be there, and have time to take their lunch break at the same time, is pretty close to a miracle.

 

It’s not only a positive one, though, because he and Magnus had been done a few minutes before the other two, so he spends the start of his break having to endure what feels like at least an hour of Magnus talking about a girl who had been eating at the restaurant today and who was  _“totally flirting with me, dude!”_  Fortunately, despite how the time seems to move in slow-motion, it’s not actually that much later before Mahdi appears, almost sprinting around the corner of the main building. He’s quick as he makes his way over to the two of them, efficiently interrupting what was now less a conversation and more Magnus rambling excitedly to himself.

 

“Ah,  _shit_ ,” Mahdi says when he’s close enough for them to hear him, but instead of stopping at their sides, like any normal person would, he keeps going until he’s standing behind Isak’s back. “Boys, save me.”

 

“What are you doing?” Isak frowns, trying to turn around to look at him. He only manages to catch a short glimpse of Mahdi, finding him crouching down slightly, as if to make sure he’s fully hidden behind Isak, before Mahdi puts one firm hand on each of his shoulders to stop him from moving too much.

 

“Don’t move,” Mahdi snaps, before continuing in something closer to a whisper. “I just barely managed to avoid Alex. I’m gonna work with him all afternoon, I need to at least be able to eat my lunch in peace before I’m forced to interact with that idiot.”

 

Magnus snorts. “So you’re gonna hide behind Isak? Wow, you’re practically invisible.”

 

“Shut up,” Mahdi says, just as Alex comes walking around the same corner Mahdi rounded less than a minute ago. Isak watches Alex as he makes his way towards them, but then he veers off in the direction of the parking lot instead. He stops as soon as he reaches it, leaning against a lamp post and taking out his phone, then pressing a few buttons before putting it to his ear. Fortunately for Mahdi, Alex doesn’t even spare as much as a glance in their direction during his entire walk across the courtyard.

 

“So,” Isak starts when Alex seems to be caught up in a conversation with whoever is on the other side of the line, “are you going to hide behind me forever, or…?”

 

Mahdi peeks out from behind Isak to scan the area for Alex, then letting out a sigh as he finds him otherwise occupied, taking a few steps to stand on Isak’s right instead. “Okay, it’s fine. Just… please don’t look at him. If he sees you he might take that as an invitation to come over.”

 

Mahdi has barely gotten the words out before Magnus turns around to, apparently, do exactly the opposite of what Mahdi just said. But he doesn’t even have time to blink before Mahdi hits him in the shoulder, causing him to turn back to them.

 

“What the fuck, Mahdi?” Magnus exclaims, one hand coming up to rub at the sore spot.

 

Madhi just scowls back at him. “What part of  _‘don’t look’_  don’t you understand?”

 

“How am I supposed to not look at him if I don’t even know where he is?”

 

Mahdi sighs in frustration. “Just... don’t look  _anywhere?!_  Just look at us, I don’t know.”

 

“I’ve seen enough of your ugly mugs to last me a lifetime.  _And_ , I was actually just looking for Jonas.”

 

Isak snorts out a disbelieving “Yeah, right” at the same time as Mahdi says ”Oh yeah, where the fuck is he?”

 

“I saw him mowing the grass by the tents maybe half an hour ago, but he should be done by now,” Isak says, getting his phone out of his pocket to see if he’s missed any messages from him, but finding the lockscreen empty of any notifications. “Nothing new since then.”

 

Magnus groans. “Can’t we just start eating without him? I’ve been here since six, staring at food the whole day without eating anything.”

 

Isak shares a look with Mahdi, before turning to face Magnus again. “You want us to believe you didn’t eat  _anything_  for over six hours?”

 

“Okay, fine,” Magnus admits. “I had some fruit as like, breakfast or something. And mom said they wanted to start serving cupcakes in the shop so I might have tried a few of those just to see if they were good.”

 

Isak is saved from having to respond to that (which, honestly, would probably have been an eye roll or something to that extent) by Jonas finally deciding to show up.

 

“Did you say cupcakes?”

 

The question makes Magnus dive into an incredibly detailed description of the different kinds of cupcakes and all of their individual pros and cons (The ‘cons’ part makes Mahdi exclaim an indignant  _“How can there possibly be any cons about_  cupcakes _?”_ ). The topic stays the same as Isak opens the door to lead them inside, all the way up the echoing stairwell, and into the staff room. They quickly claim their usual table by the big windows looking out over the roof of the restaurant and all the way to the lake, and by the time they start eating the conversation has only shifted as far as other baked goods.

 

But despite Isak’s interest in the subject, what with baked goods being approximately 27% of his diet -- the other 73% a mix of chips, take-out and whatever else that he can make in less than five minutes--, his mind wanders back to  _the guy_.

 

Isak had tried his absolute best to find information about him on his own, having searched through the entire staff room, as well as all the folders of his overflowing mail inbox, on his break last night, even forgetting to eat dinner. But he hadn’t found  _anything._ Not even as much as a mention of any new team members. So he has no other choice but to move on to number three on his list.

 

_Ask the boys._

 

And while he really does not want to bring it up with them, his need to find out more about the guy is bigger. Jonas already knows, anyway, considering he caught him practically drooling over the guy yesterday. And if Jonas knows, the other two are never far behind.

 

The problem now is just  _how_  to ask them about it. He’s set on the fact that it’ll be embarrassing, in one way or another, no matter how he does it. But still, if he can figure out the least painful way to get through the conversation then maybe it won’t be  _that_  bad.

 

In the end, he doesn’t even have to start it up himself. They’re at the end of their lunch break, still sitting at their table and finishing the food, when Mahdi brings him up.

 

“So, have you seen the new guy?” he asks. “Even?”

 

The name takes up all of Isak’s attention for a few glorious seconds before Jonas lets out a loud snort somewhere to his left, making Isak glare at him in warning.

 

“What?” Magnus asks, looking up at Jonas, the last piece of his sandwich halfway to his mouth.

 

“Nothing,” Jonas smirks, and Isak knows it was all for nothing. He has no doubts about what Jonas’ next words are going to be, even before he says them. “Isak thinks he's hot.”

 

_Yup, he called it._

 

“Jonas!” Isak protests, rather uselessly.

 

Jonas just shrugs. “What? It's true.”

 

Isak doesn’t have time to try to save the situation from getting worse before Magnus and Mahdi start talking over each other, begging Jonas to tell them how he knows, and then it’s too late. Because, like the traitor he is, Jonas tells them everything. And Isak seriously considers going through the time consuming and mentally exhausting process of finding a new best friend.

 

“I hate you,” Isak mutters as he gives up on that idea quicker than it came to him, but his words are drowned out by the other three’s laughter so he doubts Jonas even hears them.

 

When they finally calm down enough to be able to talk again, Isak mostly ignores them through the remainder of their lunch break, letting them continue the conversation without him. He still pays close attention to what they say, though, because they keep talking about Even, and while Isak got what he came for -- a name -- knowing more than that wouldn’t exactly hurt.

 

Surprisingly, most of the information comes from Mahdi, who has apparently known Even for about four months without ever mentioning him before. Isak’s initial reaction to that unexpected turn of events is annoyance at Mahdi for withholding the knowledge about Even for this long. However, for every second Isak sits there and listens attentively to Mahdi as he reveals details about Even, the irritation subsides more and more until it completely fades into nothingness.

 

Mahdi tells them how he and Even met for the first time at Elias’ birthday party, as Elias turned out to be their mutual friend, and that they’ve all been hanging out together quite a few times since then. Evidently, that’s also part of the reason for how Even ended up working in the shop at the campsite.

 

Through Mahdi, Isak also finds out that Even is twenty, that he started working here sometime last week, and that he just graduated from Elvebakken. Something about the timeline of the pieces of information doesn’t really add up, but before Isak can decide whether or not he should join the conversation again to ask about it, Mahdi glances over at Isak, giving him a sympathetic smile as he speaks again, his next words obviously directed at Isak.

 

“And, he also recently broke up with his girlfriend of four years. So, I don’t know. Maybe now is not the best time to start anything.”

 

Some small, unfamiliar part of Isak withers at the words, but he ignores it and forces himself to make his voice sound unaffected. “What? It’s not like I was gonna do anything about it, anyway.”

 

The boys all share a look with each other.

 

“I wasn’t!”

 

Magnus frowns at him. “Why not?”

 

“I know this might be a foreign concept to you, Mags, but you don’t have to hit on every person you find hot,” Isak says, and to his surprise, the comment makes Mahdi and Jonas shift their attention to Magnus instead, teasing him for a moment before starting up a discussion about the best ways to pick up girls. So Isak tunes them out for the last few minutes of their break.

 

As he and the boys walk back downstairs to start the second half of their workday, his thoughts are split in two. One side is delighted about how he had found out way more about the new guy --  _Even_  -- than he had expected, and he feels excited about all the new information.

 

The other side is disappointed.

 

He can’t help it. It was true what he told the boys; he hadn’t actually planned on making a move on Even. But it was still nice to at least have the possibility of it leading somewhere, even if it never would.

 

He tries his best to push that other side to the darkest corner of his mind, hiding it there so he can focus on the good. Because it’s summer and the weather is actually nice for once, and he’s spending his time with his friends. And it  _is_  good. He doesn’t have time feeling anything other than happy, doesn’t want to waste even a minute on a disappointment that doesn’t even matter, in the end.

 

Because that’s just it. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make any difference.

 

 

**Onsdag 28/6 - kl 06.25**

 

Transporting all the sun loungers between the storage room and the beach is a pain in the ass. And, to make things worse, it’s also part of Isak’s daily routine for the majority of his work days.

 

In an ideal world, they could just keep them on the beach for the entire season and stop all this hauling back and forth. But, because people are assholes and think stealing pieces of furniture is a great night-time activity, that’s impossible. Isak spends at least ten minutes every time the task is his responsibility wishing he could live in a universe where it isn’t. Or one without those kinds of idiots, whichever one is the closest.

 

It’s disgustingly early in the morning, and no one will probably even use the sun loungers for at least another two hours. Not that it matters, because they still need to be available just in case someone, for some unexplainable reason, wants to lie down in one before the sun has travelled any noticeable distance from the horizon.

 

Isak mutters to himself, cursing his job and his life and the world, as usual, as he prepares for his third trip of hauling chairs across the campsite, starting to break a sweat despite the rather chilly morning. The upside to having done this so many times before is that he’s an expert at this by now. He knows exactly how many of the sun loungers he can take at once, how to place them on the garden cart they use to transport them on to make them as stable as possible, and he even knows the best route to take to the beach so that it takes as little time as possible, while also avoiding any bumps in the road or unnecessary turns that could make the chairs fall off.

 

So, accordingly to his vast knowledge on the subject, he now has five loungers stacked on top of each other on the cart, and he’s just about to start the two minute walk to the beach when the tower of chairs decide to suddenly betray their previous agreement of staying still if he stacks them exactly like this, and instead begin to tip to one side. Luckily, Isak is awake enough to react before they fall of the cart, and he’s standing there, an armful of chairs as he tries to push them back up and stabilize them again, when Even comes up to him.

 

Because  _of course_  he does. Of course  _this_  is when he’s going to talk to him for the first time.

 

And, as always, Even looks amazing, and Isak just has to hate him a little bit. How does he keep defying logics all the time? It’s way too early to even be awake at this time -- at least according to Isak -- so for someone to not only manage that, but to also look as if they’re on their way to model at some fucking photoshoot is just unreasonable. And, again, extremely unfair.

 

“I don't think that's going to work,” Even says, forgoing any normal kind of greeting and instead insulting Isak’s stacking skills, which instantly bursts the bubble that had been clouding his mind. And fine, apparently Isak might not have been as good at this as he thought, but how  _dare_  he?

 

“ _What?_ ” Isak asks, raising his eyebrows in offense.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t put that many on top of each other," Even suggests, as if he would know more about stacking chairs than Isak, who is still actually a master at this, despite what it might look like right now. Everyone can have bad days.

 

“I've been doing this for the past two summers,” Isak argues, rightfully, “and it has always worked with five so it’s gonna work now, too.”

 

Even smiles at him. “If you say so.”

 

“I know how to do my job!”

 

“Hey, I’m not saying you don’t,” Even says, holding both hands up in surrender.

 

Isak frowns at him before turning back to what is worryingly starting to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa more and more for each passing second. Because just like with that tower, there is something wrong with the foundation of this one too, and it just won’t stay still, no matter how much he tries to move the chairs around to balance them on top of each other.

 

“Do you need some help?” Even asks, interrupting Isak’s concentration as the question makes him look up at Even instead of focusing on solving the impossible puzzle in his hands.

 

“What? No, I'm fine.”

 

“Okay,” Even says, and he looks like he’s holding back a laugh, which,  _rude._

 

“Are you just gonna stand there and watch as I eventually give up and get crushed to death by these sun loungers or did you actually want something?”

 

Even does laugh this time. “I just wanted to say hi,” he says, still smiling as he reaches out a hand for Isak to shake.

 

Isak sends him a look of disbelief, glancing pointedly to where his hands are otherwise occupied.

 

“Oh, right,” Even says, running the hand through his hair instead. Isak’s eyes do  _not_  immediately zone in on it and he absolutely doesn’t start wondering if it’s as soft as it looks or if it’s just an illusion.  _If_  he did do either of those things, he might have almost missed the next words out of Even’s mouth, and he doesn’t. So, case closed. “I’m Even.”

 

“I know,” Isak blurts out before he has time to even think about it, his brain reacting on autopilot without him being conscious enough to stop anything stupid before it has time to come out. After realising his slip-up, he clears his throat before continuing. “I mean… you’re the only new one here so it’s kinda hard not to notice you.”

 

Even smiles at him. “Yeah, I get that.”

 

Isak manages a small smile in return, and then just stares at Even for another moment like the idiot he is, before he remembers that he should probably introduce himself, too.

 

“I’m Isak, by the way.”

 

“I know,” Even says, and his smile is closer to a smirk now.

 

“Oh,” Isak breathes, completely unprepared for that comment.

 

Even knows his name?  _How?_  Did someone just randomly tell him or did he ask anyone? Did he see it on the work schedule they finally put up on the notice board in the staff room? (The work schedule that was not there two days ago and which made Isak’s task of finding out Even’s name about ten times harder, not to mention more embarrassing considering he had to involve all the boys, too.)

 

“I asked Sana,” Even says, and Isak realises to his dismay that he apparently said some part of that out loud. The question is just  _which_ , and the fact that he has no idea, that he might have said  _all_  of that for Even to hear, makes him want to slap himself for being this out of tune with his ability to focus on the right things. Which in this case would have been keeping a close eye on his brain-to-mouth filter instead of letting his mind get lost in thoughts about Even.

 

He’s quickly finding the last part to be easier said than done, though.

 

“We work together in the shop?” Even continues when Isak does nothing but blink at him.

 

“Oh, right,” Isak replies when he finally finds his voice, and brain, again. “How do you like it? Working here?”

 

“So far, so good. I mean, I already knew Sana since before, so that’s pretty chill.”

 

Isak nods, distracted as he awkwardly shifts the chairs around a bit since they have started to hurt where the weight of them make their edges dig into his arms. “Yeah, that’s nice.”

 

“She had some interesting things to say about you,” Even adds, making Isak let out a snort.

 

“Yeah, I bet.”

 

“Something about how she saved you from failing science?” Even says, raising an eyebrow in question.

 

“That’s such bullshit! It’s pretty much the other way around. She wouldn’t have more than a 3 without me.”

 

Even laughs. “She also told me you would say that.”

 

“Of course she did.” Isak shakes his head as he lets out a breath, but he can’t stop his mouth from curving into a small smile.

 

“Well, I have to go back to the shop now, but good luck with that.” Even nods to the chairs with a smirk, making Isak roll his eyes at him.

 

“I don’t need luck.”

 

Even just smiles at him. “I’ll see you later.”

 

“Uh... okay,” Isak mumbles, the short sentence sounding more like a question than anything else.

 

Even throws a hand up in a sort of wave before turning around and heading towards the west side of the camping site, where the shop is situated, and Isak watches him go for longer than he should. He barely even realises he’s doing it until his grip on the chairs loosens enough that he drops them completely and they slide off the cart, ending up in a messy pile on the grass beneath it.

 

_Fuck._

 

This is going to be a long day.

 

 

**Torsdag 29/6 - kl 14.08**

 

Isak is so fucked.

 

It’s been three days. He’s only known about Even for  _three days_ , and they’ve talked to each other  _once_. That’s it. That’s basically  _nothing_. But he’s still taking up more of Isak’s thoughts than he should, despite Isak trying his very best to steer them away from that topic.

 

Because he  _knows_  he shouldn’t keep doing this. He knows it can’t go anywhere, knows that nothing is going to happen. No matter how much he sometimes would like to forget about it, he does remember the conversation he had with the boys a few days ago. Even just got out of a four year long relationship. With a girl. Which means he’s probably straight, anyway, so there’s even less of a reason to think about him. So even if he were ready to date someone new, the possibility of that being a boy, being  _Isak_ , is probably in the single digits, if that.

 

Although, he’s also aware that that’s a very narrow-minded way of thinking, and he mentally scolds himself every time that thought appears in his head. After that comes a replay of the conversation he had with the boys after work yesterday when he brought this up after Magnus tried to convince him to go for it anyway, despite what Isak had said the day before. First there’s Jonas’ “That’s very heteronormative of you”, followed by Mahdi’s “He could be bi, or _pan_ , hello?”, complete with the hand gesture he had made to himself.

 

He knows the boys are right, but he can’t allow himself to entertain that thought for too long. He can’t let that glimmer of hope take up too much space in his heart, because he knows how it’s going to end.

 

So he pushes away all the feelings that can’t be considered platonic. Pushes them into that dark corner next to the pile of other things he wants to forget or doesn’t have energy dealing with.

 

(The pile is getting worryingly big but that’s an issue for another day, another Isak. Someone who is stronger than he is, who has another approach than  _ignore it, and maybe it’ll just disappear by itself_.)

 

The thing is, though, that no matter how much he tries, he can’t stop looking at Even, and he has somehow managed to convince himself that it’s okay. Looking doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s just like watching a tv-show, or youtube video, or something. It’s nice to look at for a while, keeps him entertained, but then when he turns it off and it’s out of his sight, it’s also out of his mind. Simple as that. Isak is completely chill about this. He has the whole thing under control.

 

The only problem is that now that he’s so aware of Even’s existence, it’s like he sees him wherever he looks.

 

Isak should be trimming the bushes between the soccer field and the cabins the campsite offers for rent, but how is he supposed to focus on that when Even is standing at the side of the parking lot looking like  _that?_

 

Not that there’s anything special about his look -- he looks just like he usually does -- but still.

 

He’s just standing there, talking to Elias, dressed in his casual clothes, which means he’s off work for today. Nothing unusual at all. They’re too far away for Isak to hear what they’re saying, or even make out most of their facial expressions, but he can see that they’re laughing, Elias playfully pushing Even away from him, almost making him fall into the bushes. Just like normal.

 

But maybe that’s it. Maybe the thing about Even, the thing that makes him different from anyone else, the reason why Isak is unable to stop thinking about him, is just this. He doesn’t need to do anything extraordinary or be dressed a certain way for Isak to notice him. He just does anyway.

 

_Why_  he manages to do that, well, that’s a good question. One that Isak doesn’t know the answer to.

 

Before Isak can get too caught up in that train of thought, there’s a small finger poking at his leg and he’s abruptly dragged back to reality, realising that he’s once again managed to get lost in his own head enough to forget his surroundings. He really needs to start paying more attention before he does something stupid.

 

Or, more stupid than he already has.

 

“Why are you staring at that boy?” Leon asks, pointing over to where Even is now standing by himself.

 

“I’m not!” Isak exclaims, his voice coming out way too defensive. This is a three-year-old he’s talking to, for fuck’s sake. He really needs to find his chill.

 

(If he ever even had any, that is.)

 

“Yeah, you are,” Leon says matter-of-factly. “Is he your friend?”

 

Isak sighs in an attempt to let some tension out. “No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“He just isn't.”

 

Leon looks up at him, then shifts his gaze between him and Even for a moment, eyebrows drawn together in deep thought. Then he turns back to Isak with a wide grin, as if he just came up with an amazing idea. “I can ask him!”

 

“No!” Isak protests, again with absolutely too much force. Seriously.  _Chill._  He clears his throat once before trying again. “No, uh. That's fine.”

 

Leon hums distractedly and turns to look at Even again. “He’s really big. I think he’s like a hundred.”

 

“A hundred years old?”

 

“Yeah,” Leon says, making Isak let out a short laugh.

 

“Why?”

 

“I  _told_  you,” Leon says, looking back up at Isak and shaking his head as if he’s tired of Isak’s problems with paying attention to what’s happening around him. Not that Isak can blame him since he did the exact same thing only a minute ago. “He’s so big.”

 

“Just because someone is tall doesn’t mean they’re old.”

 

Leon frowns in confusion. “What?”

 

“You can be tall but still young,” Isak says, and Leon’s eyebrows draw even closer together.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it depends on your DNA. And the environment you live in affects it, too,” Isak starts, before realising that the whole topic of genetics might be a little bit too advanced for a three-year-old. “Uh... it’s like, things inside your body, and what kind of food you eat and where you live. And all of that decides how tall you’re gonna be.”

 

Leon stares at him for a moment, tilting his head to one side before pointing over to Even again. “Can I be that tall?”

 

“Uh, yeah, maybe. When you’re older.”

 

“Like twenty-one? My brother is twenty-one and he’s the biggest in the whole entire world,” Leon says, moving to stand on the tip of his toes and stretching both of his hands up towards the sky as if to illustrate just how tall his brother is.

 

“Really?” Isak asks, amused. “What’s his name?”

 

“Cream cheese,” Leon says, making Isak blink in surprise.

 

“Your… your brother’s name is  _Cream cheese_?”

 

“Yep! And also Diamond and Milk and-”

 

“Wait,” Isak holds up a hand to stop the boy from what seems to be the start of an endlessly long list of names. “How many brothers do you have?”

 

Leon smiles excitedly. “Twenty-one!”

 

“Wow. That’s a lot,” Isak says, slightly impressed by the boy’s vivid imagination.

 

“How many do you have?”

 

“Zero.”

 

“Oh,” Leon pouts for a short moment, as if he considers Isak’s lack of brothers to be disappointing, before it turns into a wide grin again. “You can have one of mine if you want!”

 

“Thanks,” Isak smiles, then turns back to the bush to try to actually get some work done. He manages about half a minute before he is once again interrupted by Leon.

 

“Look, it’s your friend!”

 

Isak turns to look where he’s pointing, and, sure enough, Even is making his way over, only about thirty meters away by now. With his long legs it only takes him seconds before he’s right in front of them.

 

“Hello,” Even says as he comes to a stop.

 

“Hi,” Isak greets back, and then Leon jumps in, once more pointing at Even.

 

“Woah! Isak look how big he is!”

 

Isak closes his eyes in part embarrassment, part irritation, wishing the kid would just stop talking for once -- even though he’s well aware that that’s not going to happen any time soon, at least not if the two short conversations they’ve had so far is anything to go by -- but Even just lets out a bright laugh.

 

“How did you get so big?” Leon asks.

 

“Magic,” Even says, smiling playfully at the kid.

 

“Isak says it’s….” Leon trails off, frowning as he tries to remember. “‘D’ something.”

 

“So,” Even directs a smirk at Isak before turning back to look at Leon, “the D is what makes me big, huh?”

 

“Yes!” Leon exclaims excitedly.

 

Isak drags a hand over his face in an attempt to hide his flush. “Oh my god, Even. He’s talking about DNA.”

 

“I know,” Even winks.

 

Isak stares at him, shaking his head and trying not to smile. Which doesn’t work at all, especially not when Even just keeps smiling back at him.

 

“You’re weird,” comes a voice from somewhere around their waists. Isak looks down at Leon, who blinks at them for a few seconds before walking away towards the playground.

 

“Funny kid,” Even says when Leon isn’t within hearing distance anymore. “How do you know him?”

 

“We bonded in the bouncy castle over our mutual love of minions,” Isak deadpans.

 

Even gasps dramatically. “Oh no.”

 

“What?”

 

“I thought maybe we could be friends but now that’s out of the question.”

 

Isak raises his eyebrows. “Being a fan of minions is where you draw the line?”

 

“They’ve taken over the world, Isak,” Even says, gesturing around himself, as if there would be at least ten minions in their field of vision. “It’s pretty scary. I don’t want to be dragged into that, who knows what could happen to me? I might never be the same again.”

 

“Maybe that wouldn’t be all bad,” Isak smirks, before realising that he and Even don’t even know each other, despite how easy it already is to talk to him, and maybe insulting him -- even though it clearly was a joke -- isn’t the best way of making friends.

 

Luckily, Even just laughs again. “Well, you’re not wrong there.”

 

“I should tell you now that I’m never wrong.”

 

“Good to know,” Even says, then brings his left arm up to look at his watch for a few seconds before turning back to Isak. “When do you get off work?”

 

“At four.” Isak pauses for a moment. “Why?”

 

Even smirks at him. “I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go see Despicable Me 3, but since you’re stuck here for another two hours then I guess I just have to go by myself.”

 

“Ha-ha.”

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”

 

“ _Wow_ ,” Isak says, mock offended. “First you won’t even wait for me so I can go with you, and  _then_  you’re going to spoil the movie for me?”

 

Even shrugs. “Yup.”

 

“Unbelievable.” Isak shakes his head at him again, and is met with yet another smirk from Even.

 

“See you tomorrow!” he says, turning around to walk back over to the parking lot.

 

Isak watches him go.

 

 

**Fredag 30/6 - kl 12.49**

 

Isak has been contemplating for the last twenty minutes whether or not he should go to the shop to see Even.

 

He did say ‘see you tomorrow’, but Isak is already done with more than half of his shift and he hasn’t seen a glimpse of Even yet. The fact that he hasn’t seen as much as a trace of him, not even at a distance or a brief glance, or even heard any mentions of his name, makes the doubts build up quicker than Isak can push them down.

 

_He’s just being nice. It’s just something people say. He didn’t mean it literally._

 

Those three thoughts, and any variation of them his mind can come up with, keep spinning around and around in his head until it’s all he can think about. Which is why he doesn’t notice where he’s putting down his glass of water until some of it spills over the edge onto his plate, soaking parts of his already sad-looking slice of pizza.

 

After letting out a tired sigh in irritation, Isak frowns down at what is left of his lunch. Then he makes a decision.

 

_Enough._

 

That’s it. He can’t keep doing this, can’t keep assuming things and letting his mind run with ideas when he doesn’t know the truth. He’s distracted enough as it is, he doesn’t have room to add to that list by thinking about things he could easily get an answer to.

 

So. The shop it is.

 

He only has eight minutes left of his lunch break, and since Mahdi had the day off today and Jonas and Magnus had their break earlier than Isak, which means they’re already back to work, he doesn’t even have to come up with an excuse as to why he would leave the comfort and quiet of the staff room before he absolutely has to.

 

After throwing away the rest of his lunch and putting away his plate and fork in the dishwasher, Isak rushes down the stairs, fast enough that he almost slips on the shiny steps, his footsteps echoing in the stairwell. He throws a feeble “hi” in Eva’s direction as he passes her sitting in the reception, not daring to stop to talk to her lest that would also stop his determination, then pushes the door open and keeps heading towards the shop, still fast enough that he can’t be tempted to change his mind.

 

Apparently he is slightly too focused on his mission as he almost trips over something soft and grey running in between his legs right outside the door to the shop. Isak winces, hoping he didn’t hurt what he could now identify as a big cat, but it just moves to lie down under the bench next to the door, curling up into a ball of fluff.

 

Isak takes a breath, and then enters the shop.

 

Sana is sitting by the register, absentmindedly flipping through the pages of a magazine due to the lack of customers, but Even is nowhere to be seen. Isak stops for a moment. He was so focused on seeing Even that he didn’t even consider the possibility of him not being here. Thinking fast, something Isak might not always be the best at, he moves over to the shelves of food, pretending that was the actual reason he came in here -- to buy a snack. Which he might need to do anyway since he had ruined half of his lunch. He could use that excuse to stall for time, and hopefully Even will be back before he has looked through the entire shop.

 

“Even isn’t here.”

 

The three words startle Isak enough that his arm hits a big basket next to him, full of balls in a wide variety of sizes and colours. The motion makes every single one of them spill out and bounce haphazardly over the floor.

 

“What? I don’t- I wasn’t-,” Isak splutters before Sana saves him from what would have been an embarrassingly bad attempt at coming up with an excuse.

 

“Stop. I  _know_  you, Isak. We’ve been…  _friends_ , I guess, for two years. I’m not stupid.”

 

“Then how come you only got a five in biology?” Isak smirks, switching tactics and hoping that that would be enough to make Sana change the subject.

 

“We’ve been over this a million times. The answer key was wrong. But it doesn’t matter. My point is, I know you came in here to stare at Even, but he’s on his break,  _so_ , he’s not here. Which means you can leave now so you don’t scare any more of my customers.”

 

Isaks gapes at her. “I’ve never done either of those things!”

 

Sana just directs an unimpressed stare his way. “You literally just made a girl turn around in the doorway when you knocked over those balls.”

 

“Oh. Sorry,” Isak says sheepishly, looking down at the mess he had made before finally starting to pick them up.

 

“ _And_ ,” Sana continues, “every time I see you and Even at the same time, you always end up staring at him at one point or another.”

 

“He’s just… nice to look at,” Isak says, aiming for casual but, knowing him, probably missing by about a mile.

 

He can see Sana roll her eyes as he keeps picking up the balls, finding more of them than he had initially thought was in the basket. He finds the last one -- at least it’s the last one as far as he knows, there’s most likely more of them hiding somewhere -- wedged under the bottom of the small ice cream freezer, and he has to wriggle it for far longer than he will admit until he eventually gets it out. When the ball is back in the basket where it belongs, he turns to face Sana again, his need to change the subject completely vanished now as he suddenly remembers something absolutely unacceptable.

 

“I can’t believe two of my best friends knew about Even but neither of them ever as much as  _mentioned_  him before.”

 

Sana sighs heavily. “Despite my extreme intelligence and the general assumption of the public because of that fact, I can’t  _actually_  read minds, Isak. How was I supposed to know you would think Even is the best thing you’ve seen in your, admittedly pretty boring, life.”

 

Isak huffs. “Why are you always exaggerating? I told you I just find him, like… aesthetically pleasing, or something.”

 

“Or  _something_.”

 

“Shut up,” Isak mutters half-heartedly, staring at the floor to in the hopes she won’t be able to see how he’s most likely blushing. As he does, he finds another one of the balls, lying on one of the bottom shelves partly hidden behind a package of pasta.

 

After bending down to pick it up and putting in the basket with the other ones, he turns back to smile at Sana, pondering whether or not he could find a way to spend a few more minutes in the shop, on the off chance that Even is on his way back. Unfortunately, he’s interrupted before he’s able to make up his mind.

 

“Don’t you have work to do?” Sana asks, sounding annoyed.

 

“Fuck,” Isak curses after looking at the clock on the wall behind her and realising his lunch break was over five minutes ago. “Yes. I do.” He pauses, then directs a winning smile at Sana. “I just got distracted by how pretty you look today.”

 

Sana rolls her eyes at him again, but it mostly just looks fond this time. “You know I’m not Even, right?”

 

“Fuck off. I would never say that to him. Also he doesn’t even distract me, so...”

 

The lie is obvious enough that Sana doesn’t even bother calling him out on it. She does raise a pointed eyebrow in his direction though, but Isak chooses to ignore it, instead turning around to walk out of the shop.

 

“See you later, best bud!”

 

“I’ll let Even know you were here.”

 

“If you do that then I’ll tell everyone about how I’m better than you at biology,” Isak calls back as he pushes the door open, looking over his shoulder to smirk at Sana.

 

She shakes her head, her muttered “So many lies today” reaching him right as the door closes behind him.

 

He almost trips over the cat again on his way out, but it’s fine. Everything is fine.

 

And this summer might not be that bad, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isak u forgot ur snack :(
> 
> this fic is so dumb lmao im sorry.... i blame being surrounded by kids like 10 hours a day.
> 
> speaking of kids - leon is based on a three-year-old @ my job, and he has said like all the things leon says in this fic and he’s hilarious ok. also he’s named after the most chill two-year-old ive ever met in my entire life... i miss that kid tbh.  
> btw, any use of wrong words or grammatical errors in anything the kid says is 100% intentional, jsyk
> 
> and i know we have barely even seen it but i just want to mention that the cat is based on my own cats, so shout out to them for being the cutest. ily and i miss u so much <3
> 
> **about updates:** ok so im gonna try to post a new chapter as soon as its done. ive never done it this way before, but itll either be really good or really bad for me, we’ll see i guess. keep in mind tho that i work full time (or sometimes even more than that) and when i get home i dont have energy to do much else than collapse on my bed, but im gonna try my best. feel free to check for updates or ask me about it @ [tumblr](http://isakissyvaltersen.tumblr.com). or u could just say hi, thats always nice too
> 
> anyways, thank you so much for reading!!! i hope u have a nice day ♥♥♥


	2. a missing sign, a stupid game, an important phone call, and the edge of a cliff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the comments and kudos on the last chapter, they make me so happy you have no idea!!!
> 
> i know this chapter took a long time, and im sooo sorry!! im blaming it on work + stressing about making plans for a trip. i only have one more day of work left though so this week should be better!! which means the next chapter will hopefully be out at least a little bit faster. HOPEFULLY.
> 
> ok, theres not that much to say about this chapter so lets just go:

**Lørdag 1/7 - kl. 17.31**

 

**How to open a door - for dummies**

 

**Magnus**

Isak how’s it going with your crush on Even?

Anything new?

 

_what the fuck_

_I don’t have a crush on him_

 

**Jonas**

Sure

 

**Mahdi**

Anyway

Have you even talked to him yet?

 

_Yeah twice_

 

**Magnus**

Oohhh about what?

 

_Nothing special really_

_He pretty much just introduced himself_

 

**Jonas**

that’s it?

 

_I mean I introduced myself back_

 

**Mahdi**

Wow

 

**Jonas**

Good job issy

 

_and then he said “I know”_

 

**Magnus**

“I know” what?

 

_When I told him my name_

 

**Jonas**

Oh shit

 

**Magnus**

He totally likes you

 

_What? Because he knew my name before I told him?_

_He said he just asked Sana about it_

 

**Magnus**

Still

I’m pretty sure he does

 

_Just stop. I already told you I’m not gonna do anything about it_

 

**Jonas**

I’m not saying he likes you

 

_thanks Jonas_

 

**Jonas**

BUT

 

_???_

 

**Jonas**

he ASKED about you

 

**Mahdi**

Correction: he asked SANA about you

 

**Jonas**

Good point

 

**Magnus**

He’s serious about this

 

_Oh my god_

_He’s new and just wants to know the name of his colleagues??_

_Stop trying to make this mean something_

 

**Mahdi**

We’re not trying anything bro

It already does

 

**Magnus**

Agreed

Btw why does this chat still have that name

 

**Mahdi**

Because it’s hilarious

 

_And you might still need the help_

 

**Jonas**

We’re just looking out for you dude

 

**Magnus**

Seriously?

It’s been a week

Move on

 

**Mahdi**

*4 days

 

**Magnus**

Whatever

 

**Magnus named the group Isak ♥ Even.**

 

**Magnus**

there we go

Our new problem to focus on

 

**You named the group shut up magnus.**

 

**Mahdi**

maybe we should invite him to the chat?

 

_NO_

 

**Magnus named the group How to get the guy - for dummies.**

 

_I hate you_

 

**Søndag 2/7 - kl. 10.22**

 

“Good show?”

 

Isak startles at the voice, looking up from where he’s playing a game on his phone to be met with the sight of Even, who is leaning against the doorway to Isak’s second favourite room of the staff area: the one with a tv and two surprisingly comfortable couches.

 

His absolute favourite is the one that has a bed in it, where you can close the door and spend your break sleeping, but unfortunately someone had beat him to it, leaving Isak to doze on a couch instead. Which isn’t bad, but that door makes such a difference for his ability to fully relax.

 

This room just climbed closer to first place, though, since the lack of a door made it possible for Even to join him. That fact would’ve been incredibly annoying had it been someone --  _anyone_ \-- else, but with Even it’s like all of his previous thoughts on this don’t matter anymore.

 

“Amazing,” Isak answers, despite having no idea what’s on the tv seeing as he wasn’t the one who turned it on. He had found it like that when he came into the room about five minutes earlier, and since he hadn’t planned on watching it anyway, and he couldn’t be bothered to find the remote to turn it off, he had just left it there, not even giving it a second glance. He doesn’t have any interest in finding out now, either. Especially not when looking at it would mean a few seconds where he can’t look at Even.

 

(And he knows he’s playing too close to the fire, knows he’s so close to the flames he’ll burn himself if he’s not careful enough. But the warmth it emits feels too good for him to step further away. The rest of the world is so cold, and he needs this, feels like he deserves it, as well.)

 

Even smiles at him as if he’s well aware of Isak’s lack of interest in the show, then sits down on the arm of the couch Isak is slouching on, next to Isak’s feet.

 

“Sana told me you were in the shop the other day.”

 

_Of course she did._

 

Isak looks down at his phone again, trying his best to act casual, like him going into the shop isn’t anything unusual. Which it isn’t. The reason he was there might have been a new one, but no one has to know about that.

 

Except Sana, unfortunately. But she doesn’t count. No matter how hard Isak tries, keeping things from Sana just seems to be impossible. It’s like the world is a book with a third-person omniscient narrative for her; nothing escapes her notice.

 

“Yeah?” Isak asks, eyes on his phone even though he’s not actually doing anything on it, just swiping mindlessly back and forth between the pages of his home screen, occasionally starting up an app just to close it only seconds later.

 

“Looking for me,” Even adds, raising an eyebrow.

 

So much for no one knowing.

 

Isak’s focus immediately shifts away from his phone onto more pressing matters. Such as making a mental note to have a talk with Sana about keeping things to herself. Just because  _she_ knows everything doesn’t mean she has to help other people get there, too.

 

Despite the fact that Sana has pretty much revealed all his secrets to Even by this point, he’s still going to try his best to save the situation. He just needs to determine what kid of approach to use.

 

Deny everything? Outright lie? Both at the same time? Go so far into denial that it doesn’t even count as a lie anymore? Sounds good.

 

“That’s not why I was there,” Isak informs him, his voice firm enough that he almost convinces himself.  _Almost._

 

“It’s not?” Even asks sceptically. “Sana said it was.”

 

“Well, Sana is a liar.”

 

Even sends him an unimpressed look. “We both know that's not true.”

 

Isak just shrugs, still trying to act disinterested in the subject but probably not succeeding very well.

 

“You wanna do something now instead?” Even asks, directing a small smile at Isak.

 

“What?”

 

“You know, since I didn’t see you on Friday.”

 

Isak frowns slightly. “Like what?”

 

Now it’s Even’s time to shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe go for a walk or something? It's pretty nice outside,” he says, making Isak narrow his eyes at him, because that’s not at all how he would describe the weather he spent his morning mowing grass in. In fact, it contradicts his experience and opinion on the matter so much that he decides to turn his eyes away from Even for a few seconds and look out the window behind him, just to see what the fuck Even is talking about.

 

Apparently, Even’s definition of “pretty nice” is what Isak would call “five seconds away from a storm”, which is the same weather they’ve had all day, so far. The sky is covered in worryingly dark clouds, the rain so close anyone could feel it in the air, just waiting for the right moment to let go. The only way Even calling this “pretty nice” could be considered anywhere close to the truth is if he means it in comparison to the last two days, which have been filled with rain almost constantly.

 

Or possibly if he meant it as “the weather is pretty nice for staying inside”. Isak could understand that, too. But since he asked Isak to go for a walk with him, which implies doing the exact opposite, that’s most likely not his intention.

 

“Uh,” Isak begins, pondering for a moment whether or not it would be worth going outside and risk getting drenched, just to spend time with Even. It only takes him a couple of seconds before he realises that it was never even a question to begin with. “Sure.”

 

“You look pretty invested in this show, though,” Even smirks, nodding towards the tv. “Are you really gonna pick me over that?”

 

Unfortunately, Isak’s first thought after hearing those words is that he would probably pick hanging out with Even over doing almost anything else, which is weird and stupid and not something he should think at all. Ever. So he pushes it away before he can dwell on it too much.

 

Isak gets off the couch instead, suddenly feeling desperately in need of a change of scenery, to find something new to focus on to keep the unwanted thoughts hidden in the darkness where they belong. Because they’re far too close to that point where the shadow meets the light, toeing the line and then crossing it as soon as Isak lets his guard down. It happens more frequently now, the thoughts exposing themselves to the light more often than they should, distracting him, making him almost start to consider things he would be better off never thinking about at all.

 

Because he does consider it. It’s just for the shortest amount of time, just a second here or there, but it happens. He knows he can do it, but sometimes, pushing all non-platonic thoughts about Even away is more work than he has the strength for.

 

So, clearly, he needs the fresh air to clear his head, letting him start on a blank page again.

 

“I think you might be better than this actually,” Isak admits. “So yeah, I am.”

 

“I’m flattered,” Even says, complete with a grin as he brings a hand up to cover his chest over his heart.

 

Isak winks at him, one of the traitorous parts of him slipping through, before making his way outside. “You should be.”

 

+

 

As it turns out, Even has no destination in mind, despite being the one to suggest the walk in the first place.

 

“I thought you could pick,” Even says when Isak asks him about it.

 

Having the task of making the decision fall on him would’ve normally made him a bit nervous in this situation, but not this time. Because Isak knows exactly where he wants to take Even, he doesn’t even have to think about it for very long.

 

“Have you been to the beach?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Even says. “Both of them.”

 

“There are three,” Isak informs him, amused by the way Even raises his eyebrows in astonishment at that reveal.

 

“What?”

 

“Come on, I’ll show you,” Isak says, before turning around and starting to walk towards the forest, waving a hand at Even to follow him. “The last one is the best one.”

 

Even quickly catches up, walking half a step behind Isak to let him lead the way. “How do you even know which ones I’ve been to?”

 

“Because two of them are impossible to miss,” Isak says, pointing in the general direction of the two beaches closest to the campsite. “And you need to already know where the last one is to get to it.”

 

“Sounds mysterious,” Even grins.

 

“Not really. There used to be a sign over there to show the way,” Isak says, gesturing to a lamp post at the outskirt of the west camper/caravan parking, only a few meters away from the edge of the forest, “but we took it down so the guests wouldn’t find it.”

 

“‘We’?” Even asks.

 

“Well, I didn’t really do much. It was mostly Magnus and Mahdi.”

 

“So you just let them do all the work?”

 

“Hey!” Isak exclaims. “I didn’t even know they were gonna do it until it was over.”

 

“Yeah, right. I’ve heard about how lazy you are, so I don’t know if I believe that.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes at him, despite the fact that Even probably can’t even see it since Isak can’t be bothered to face him again. “They only took down a sign. It’s not like it was hard work, or even took them much time.”

 

“Okay,” Even says, sounding as if he doesn’t believe even one word of that.

 

Isak stops just as he’s about to push his way past the first bush that covers half of the path to the beach, one hand still holding on to a branch as he turns around to send Even a half-hearted glare. “Also,” he adds, holding up a finger at Even, “you need to stop talking to Sana about me. You’re getting all misinformed. You’re gonna get the wrong impression of me.”

 

“Oh no,” Even smirks. “We wouldn’t want that.”

 

“No. We would not,” Isak agrees, before turning to face the forest again and starting to make his way up the path.

 

The first part is the hardest one to get through, the plants growing thick and not leaving much room between them, making the path almost impossible to see. Which is partly good, since it means that they don’t get any unwelcomed company at this beach. What is  _not_  good, or in any way pleasant, is the experience of having to push oneself through those first couple of bushes, the branches scratching one’s arms and leaving a haphazard pattern of white lines in their wake.

 

After that first obstacle, the rest of the way is a piece of cake. The path isn’t long at all; it’s no more than a couple of minutes before they reach the beach on the other side. The only other thing that could be considered inconvenient is the small log that crosses the path right at the end, but as long as you’re paying attention to what you’re doing, it’s not a problem.

 

Unfortunately for Isak, that’s not something he’s very good at.

 

He doesn’t fall this time, but it’s a close call. His foot catches the side of the log, making him stumble out onto the beach for a few steps before he manages to find his balance again.

 

Slightly embarrassed, he spreads his arms out in an attempt to make Even shift his focus away from him and onto the beach instead, avoiding Even’s eyes as he mumbles a weak “Ta-da.”

 

Thankfully, Even doesn’t comment on how Isak's face almost got a lot closer to the sand, instead he stands there and lets his eyes roam over the scene in front of him, taking it all in. Then he turns to Isak, one sceptical eyebrow raised high on his forehead.

 

“How is this beach the best one? It’s  _tiny._   _And,”_  he adds, nodding his head backwards towards the forest, “you have to go through all of that just to get here.”

 

Isak frowns at him. “There are no people here,” he says, as if that answer should have been obvious. Which it should.

 

“You’re like that cat,” Even laughs, making Isak narrow his eyes at him even more.

 

“What cat?”

 

“The big grey one at the campsite,” Even explains. “It usually avoids people, too.”

 

“I don’t avoid people,” Isak protests, but Even just raises his eyebrows at him again. “I don’t! I just don’t talk to every single person I see.”

 

“It’s called being nice,” Even says, starting to walk out towards the lake.

 

Isak follows him with his eyes as he bends down to dip his hand into the water. It almost looks black as it reflects the dark clouds above them, the slight wind causing small waves to wash up on the shore, not far from reaching Even’s shoes.

 

“Never heard of it,” Isak retorts as he joins Even by the shore.

 

“You’re both also grumpy,” Even says, before standing up and flicking some water at Isak.

 

Isak tries to look annoyed as he wipes at the drops of water on his face, but he doesn’t think he does a great job. Especially not when can’t help but letting out a short laugh just a few seconds later.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

Even grins at him. “Seems to like me, though.”

 

“What?”

 

“The cat,” Even elaborates. “Every time I’ve seen it, it runs away as soon as anyone gets close. But it let me pet it for like five minutes the other day.”

 

That’s the last thing either of them say for a while, except for a stream of curse words directed to the sky as it chooses that moment to completely open up, forcing them to run into the forest to take cover. They quickly make their way to one of the first trees they can find, and as soon as they stop underneath its branches, laughter bubbles out of the both of them at the way they had scrambled to find shelter, almost tripping on the uneven ground and various obstacles they had to get around to get there. When it trails off a minute or two later, they’re left with the rain as the sole creator of noise as they wait for it to pass.

 

It’s only now that Isak realises just how small this tree is, and he doesn’t understand what the hell past him had been thinking when choosing  _this_ one when they’re surrounded by probably a hundred more. Especially not since almost all of them have a bigger area beneath them where the ground is left mostly dry. Granted, Even had been equally responsible for the choice, but still. Isak should’ve known better.

 

He  _really_ should have known better, because if he thought being alone in a fairly small room with Even made it difficult for him to focus, it’s nothing compared to standing so close to him that any kind of movement would make their bodies touch in one place or another. Every second of this is a step in the wrong direction, pushing him closer towards that edge he is so afraid of falling over.

 

On the plus side, at least they don’t get wet, except for the occasional lonely drop hitting them as it slides over one branch down to the next, to eventually leave the tree for good only to land on a shoulder or arm, or that piece of hair that’s falling down over Even’s forehead. Isak is eternally grateful that it doesn’t get worse than that, because adding more water into this situation might very well take his thoughts to a point of no return.

 

The rain keeps falling down relentlessly, looking as if it’s never going to stop. Isak doesn’t know how much more he can take. The whirlwind inside his head gets even more intense when Even turns slightly, his arm brushing against Isak for a burning millisecond. His tiny movement manages to reduce the distance between them with what feels like half, but in reality isn’t even a centimeter. Or in this case they might both be the same thing.

 

The space between their chests is so small now that Isak is sure they would touch if they inhaled at the same time. But they’re not going to do that, because Isak doesn’t know how to breathe anymore.

 

As they stand there -- still too close, still waiting for the rain to subside, or hopefully stop altogether -- Isak closes his eyes for a moment and tries to get a grip on his thoughts, tries to put them back in the dark corner, to keep them confined in that place. For every raindrop that hits him, that slides down his hair, his face, his body, he can feel his grip on the thoughts starting to slip as well.

 

It’s getting more and more difficult to hold on, and it’s not been long, but for every minute he spends with Even, the one thought he  _should_ focus on, the one that  _shouldn’t_ be locked up, is the one that moves closer and closer into the darkness.

 

_Don’t do it. It’s not going to happen. He will never like you like that. Just stop._

 

He’s losing his grip on it, standing in the middle as he tries to push one train of thought away and pull the other closer. The problem is just that he’s having trouble remembering which one is which.

 

Eventually, the rain finally starts to ease up, and as soon as it’s no longer pouring down, Isak takes a much needed step away from Even, making sure no parts of their bodies are touching anymore. It takes longer for the downpour to stop than it took for it to start, but not much, and soon the sun comes out again after days of hiding. It looks like a lightbulb in the sky as it shines over them, but instead of making things clearer, instead of giving him a solution or being a symbol of getting hit with a sudden idea or realisation, it just leaves Isak more unsure than before.

 

It somehow manages to get even worse later that afternoon when he’s about to go home and he puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket, only to find something in one of them that wasn’t there before. The note only contains two rows of scribbles in an unfamiliar handwriting, but it’s enough to make him lose his grip even further.

 

The first line consists of a series of digits. The other says  _Thanks for the walk!_ followed by a name Isak’s mind knows all too well at this point.

 

 

**Mandag 3/7 - kl. 13.04**

 

Isak doesn’t know what to do.

 

It’s almost been twenty-four hours, but he still hasn’t texted Even, and it feels like the longer he waits, the harder it’s going to be for him to do it. And while Even didn’t _explicitly_ ask him to text, one could argue that by giving him his number that action is heavily implied, that saying the actual words doesn’t actually make much of a difference.

 

The absence of texts from Isak is not due to a lack of trying, or that he doesn’t want to. So far, he’s written exactly twenty-seven texts, all of which sounded too boring or just plain stupid, resulting in Isak deleting them before he could even consider pressing send.

 

He’s on his twenty-eight try, sitting in the lunchroom and neglecting his lunch in favor of staring at the words on the screen of his phone -- making good life decisions, as always.

 

“Isak?”

 

The voice drags Isak’s focus away from his hand, instead causing him to frown at Jonas, who is putting his lunch down before taking a seat on the other side of the table.

 

“Huh?”

 

Mahdi shakes his head tiredly. “Don’t mind him. I lost contact with him about ten minutes ago.”

 

“Surprising,” Jonas says, rolling his eyes before starting to eat his lunch.

 

“Isak, you’re coming to the barbecue on Friday, right?” comes Magnus voice as he appears out of nowhere and sits down next to Isak.

 

Oh, right. The first out of two annual barbeque parties, which is less about actual barbecuing than it is about getting drunk and, for him and the boys, playing the stupid betting game they started at the end of their first summer.

 

“Do I even have a choice?”

 

“No,” Magnus admits.

 

“You love us,” Jonas chimes in unhelpfully. “And you love our game.”

 

Isak wouldn’t go as far as  _love_ , but it  _is_ quite entertaining most of the time.

 

The game consists of two parts. The first involves a list of recurring things they bet on every time, and it looks more or less the same as always. They try to guess who at the party will be the first one to do certain things, such as the first one to get in the water, or first one to burn any food or trip over the log. The right answer might not always be who was actually the first one to do it, but just the first one they  _see_ do it. It’s a chill game and they can’t be bothered to put  _too_ much effort into it; they need to focus on the actual party, as well.

 

The second part is more interesting, and more important since a right answer gives you twice as many points as a right answer in the first part. This one consists of one bet about each of them and something they will do during the party. It can be anything, but they try to have at least some connection between all of them. Unlike the first part, this one changes for almost every party, and they usually have a great time trying to come up with the best bet for each person.

 

Isak hasn’t even started to think about the bets for this year yet, but apparently Magnus has, considering the next words out of his mouth.

 

“I have the best one about you, Isak.”

 

Isak eyes him doubtfully. “What?”

 

“Number of beers until you get drunk,” Magnus announces, making Isak roll his eyes.

 

“No, that’s too easy,” Jonas tells him. “It’s like two.”

 

Isak raises a middle finger at him in reply.

 

“Jonas’ should be like, number of mini burgers he eats,” Mahdi suggests, and Magnus seems to agree.

 

“Oooh, yes! He’s been talking about those since last year.”

 

“They’re  _incredible_ , okay?” Jonas says in defense. “Didn’t you try them?”

 

Mahdi and Magnus seem to start pondering about whether or not they did, but Isak cuts in to stop them before that goes on for too long. Because, based on his personal experience, they could spend an impressive amount of time thinking, and talking, about food. Not that that’s a bad thing, but Isak just isn’t in the mood right now.

 

“That’s gonna go on the whole night,” Isak complains. “If we decide to do that one for Jonas we need to have a time frame. Like how many he eats in the first hour or something.”

 

“Good idea,” Mahdi nods. “I’ll write that down.”

 

He takes out his phone of his pocket and they spend the next few minutes trying to decide on something to bet on for all of them, as well as putting down their answers for the first part of the game. All the while, Mahdi writes everything down on his phone.

 

“Wait,” Magnus says suddenly. “I got an even better idea for Isak’s! Let’s change it to number of minutes before he starts staring at Even.”

 

Isak would defend himself, insist that he doesn’t do that at all, but he doesn’t have a chance to do so before Mahdi lets out a snort to his left. “That’s even easier than your first suggestion. We all know it’s gonna be zero.”

 

“Yeah,” Magnus says, “and then we’ll all get two points for getting it right. Why is that a bad thing?”

 

Jonas nods. “Yeah, I’m with Magnus on this one.”

 

“Well, I like to win because of my intelligence, not by knowing something literally anyone at the whole campsite would know if they’ve ever as much as seen Isak and Even at the same time,” Mahdi explains.

 

Up until this point, Isak has just been sitting there, listening to their conversation in disbelief, but he’s had enough now.

 

“How many times do we have to go through this? Can we please stop talking about me and Even?”

 

“Actually, I changed my mind,” Mahdi says then. “Let’s do that one for Isak, anyway.”

 

After arguing about that, and the other three bets, some more, changing back and forth more times than Isak can keep track of, they finally manage to decide on one thing for each of them.

 

The final list looks like this:

 

  * Number of mini burgers Jonas will eat within the first hour.
  * Number of minutes until Magnus ditches them to hang out with Vilde. (“I like her better than you, so that’s not gonna take long.”)
  * Number of songs before Mahdi changes the music (“They play the worst kind of shit at these parties, I swear to god. I’m gonna be impressed if I last through  _one_.”)



 

And.

 

  * Number of minutes until Isak starts staring at Even.



 

Because no matter how much Isak tried to change their mind, after they had finally agreed there was nothing that would make them budge. And that’s also one of the bad things about these bets: the one the bet is about has no say in what it should be. Nor does he get to know what the other three guessed the answer would be, just to make sure no one will act differently to make sure someone gets, or doesn’t get, their points.

 

So Isak supposes he just has to avoid looking at Even on Friday night. Or maybe luck will be on his side for once, and Even won’t even come to the party at all.

 

 

**Tirsdag 4/7 - kl. 21.12**

 

**Even**

 

**21.12**

Hi. Just realised you gave me your number but you don’t have mine

**21.12**

So here

**21.12**

It’s Isak btw

 

**21.14**

Hi!

**21.15**

Thanks. I’ve been waiting for you to text me for two days now

 

**21.16**

Haha

**21.17**

You could’ve just asked me for my number instead of leaving a note like we’re in some kind of movie

 

**21.17**

Where’s the fun in that?

**21.25**

Are you going to the barbeque?

 

**21.27**

On Friday?

 

**21.27**

Yeah

 

**21.28**

Yeah, I’m going. Are you?

 

**21.28**

I work until ten but I’ll be there after that

 

**21.28**

Ok. Nice

 

**21.29**

Have you been to the party before? Elias said it’s like a recurring thing

 

**21.30**

Yeah this is gonna be my fifth time I think

 

**21.30**

So it’s fun?

 

**21.31**

Depends

 

**21.31**

On what?

 

**21.35**

The food

**21.35**

The weather

**21.36**

The company

 

**21.36**

What does the prediction look like for this one?

 

**21.37**

Weather looks good, but who knows

**21.37**

Food is pretty much always good

 

**21.37**

What about the company?

 

**21.39**

Meh

**21.39**

Could be worse

 

**21.39**

True

**21.39**

It could be only you

**21.40**

At least now there will be other people there that I can talk to

 

**21.40**

Rude

**21.40**

I’m the best company

 

**21.40**

Hmm

**21.41**

You’re okay I guess ;)

 

 

**Onsdag 5/7 - kl. 14.56**

 

The little bell over the door chimes as Isak steps inside. The sound seems to startle Eva where she’s sitting, her elbow on the counter and head leaning against her hand, because she quickly sits up and straightens her posture to look more presentable. As soon as she meets Isak’s gaze, and realises who just stepped through the door, she slumps down on the counter again with a sigh.

  
“Oh. It’s just you.”

 

“Wow,” Isak raises his eyebrows exaggeratedly as he walks up to her. “I love you, too, Eva.”

 

Eva rolls her eyes at him. “Shut up, I’m actually happy it’s you and not someone I need to pay attention to,” she elaborates, as if that would make things better.

 

“ _Again_ , thank you.”

 

“You know what I mean!” Eva says, waving a dismissive hand at him.

 

Isak shakes his head at her and lets out a deep breath, pretending to be annoyed. It doesn’t last long, because Eva decides to cheat at this weird game they’re playing by starting to poke him anywhere she can reach in an attempt to make him laugh. It works for a moment, both of them giggling stupidly before Isak puts a stop to it by stepping back far enough that Eva can’t reach him.

 

“You know I’m always happy when you come in here,” she says, and then, just as Isak is about to reply, she ruins it all by adding “Well, most of the time.”

 

Isak forces his mouth into a pout, pretending to ignore her and instead staring down at the various items on her desk. She has almost every centimeter of it covered, and Isak has no idea how she could ever find what she needs. At least not in less than five minutes.  

 

Impulsively, he reaches out to steal one of Eva’s pens from next to the keyboard of her computer, where she had put it down last. To his disappointment, he barely even gets a reaction from her. She just sends him an unimpressed look, before picking up another pen from somewhere in the mess on her desk.

 

Since he didn’t really think this through, Isak stands there with the pen in his hand, not sure what to do next. Eventually, he grabs the stack of papers that’s lying on the counter, all of them which have maps of the campsite printed on them, and pulls it closer to himself, starting to draw random scribbles all over the top one.

 

“I should tell your boss about this,” he comments, not looking up from the paper.

 

“ _My_ boss? We have the same boss, remember?”

 

“Not the point.”

 

Eva sighs. “Then what  _is_ the point, Isak?”

 

“That I should tell them about how you’re half asleep during working hours and being rude to people who come in here and disturb your nap,” he says, absentmindedly drawing circles around all the small pictures of cabins on the east side of the campsite.

 

“Like you’re one to talk when you spend half your days staring at Even instead of doing any actual work.”

 

That finally makes Isak look up from the paper. “No, I don’t!”

 

“I have sources,” Eva tells him, making Isak narrow his eyes at her.

 

“Who?”

 

She pauses for a moment before answering, directing a smirk at him. “Vilde.”

 

He should’ve seen that coming. He doesn’t know how, but Vilde usually seems to know practically everything about everyone at the campsite, even including some of the guests. She’s almost like Sana that way. The difference is that while Sana keeps her knowledge to herself, with the occasional exception, Vilde likes to share all of it with her friends.

 

There’s one thing about this that doesn’t make sense, however. Because despite the fact that what Eva just accused him of is far from the truth -- Isak only looks at Even, like, once a day, at the most -- he and Even have, as far as Isak is aware, never been in the same place as Vilde.

 

“How the fuck would she even know about that? She’s in the restaurant all the time, and I’ve never seen Even in there.”

 

“I think Magnus told her,” Eva shrugs, leaning closer to look at Isak’s creation, which admittedly isn’t creative at all, but is mostly a way for him to try to let out some tension and make his mind focus on something meaningless by covering as much of the map as possible with the blue ink.

 

Isak lets out a tired groan. “Of course he did. Those two as best friends might be the worst combination ever.”

 

“They’re amazing and you know it. Also,” she smiles suspiciously before she continues, “I see you stopped trying to deny it.”

 

“Deny what?”

 

“Staring at Even.”

 

“I really don’t do that,” Isak huffs.

 

Eva hums to herself, then points to a part of the paper in front of Isak. “Is this an ‘E’?”

 

“No! What? No, it’s not!” Isak splutters, quickly ripping the page off and crumpling it up into a ball. “Don’t you have some actual work to do?” he asks, swiftly changing the subject.

 

“Don’t  _you_?” Eva counters.

 

“I was just going in here to get my water bottle from upstairs, when  _someone_ started  _harassing me_ and accusing me of things I’ve never done.”

 

Eva rolls her eyes at him. “You’re so dramatic, oh my god. Just go.”

 

“I will,” Isak says, but then the bell makes a sound again as the door opens, and he turns his head that way unconsciously.

 

There’s a mop of black hair sticking in through the doorway, and Leon smiles as soon as he catches sight of Isak, pushing the door open a little more to make his way inside.

 

“What are you doing in here?” Isak asks, unable to do anything other than smile back at the kid.

 

“I saw you go in here,” Leon explains. “I got a new phone!” He holds up a toy phone in one of his hands, shaking it excitedly back and forth so all Isak sees for a few seconds is a black blur.

 

“Wow,” Isak nods, doing his best to sound impressed.

 

“That’s awesome,” Eva says as she joins the conversation. “Have you called anyone yet?”

 

Leon looks up at her, his eyes curious as he takes her in, looking as if he didn’t notice her until now. “Yeah, I called my brothers. And d’you know what?”

 

“What?” Eva asks.

 

“They said they’re gonna come here tomorrow and they’re gonna give me cookies!” Leon grins at her, before turning to Isak.

 

“Nice,” Isak smiles.

 

“What kind of cookies?” Eva asks, but Leon doesn’t seem to hear her, his phone to his ear now as he pretends to take a call, nodding along as he talks.

 

“Hello? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hm. Okay. Bye.” He presses some buttons on the phone as he hangs up, making it let out some bright sounds that Isak imagines would probably get annoying quite fast.

 

“Who was it?” Isak asks, pointing to the phone.

 

Leon smiles. “Cream cheese.”

 

“What?” Eva laughs, but Leon once again answers his phone instead of her.

 

“Yeah? Okay.  _No_. I’m not going!” He’s more determined as he finishes the call this time, the force of his finger enough to almost make him drop the phone.

 

“Going where?” Isak asks, and Leon lets out a deep sigh.

 

“College.”

 

Eva bursts out laughing at that answer, but Leon seems to have tuned her out for the moment, going back to pressing the various buttons on the phone.

 

“I feel you kid,” Eva says when she has calmed down.

 

That finally makes Leon look up at her, his eyebrows closely drawn together in a frown. “Feel what?”

 

Isak shakes his head. “Just ignore her.”

 

“Hey!” Eva exclaims, picking up the pen Isak used earlier and throwing it at his arm.

 

Her aim is a lot better than Isak had thought, the pen bouncing painfully off of Isak’s forearm before it drops to the floor. Isak pouts at her before bending down to pick up the pen, throwing it back at her as soon as his fingers wrap around it. Eva yelps as she ducks down behind the counter, and, much to Isak’s disappointment, she manages to avoid it just in time.

 

It’s probably for the best that Leon speaks up at that moment, because, knowing them, this could very well have been the start of a war.

 

“What does ‘ignore’ mean?”

 

“It means don’t listen to her,” Isak explains.

 

“Okay,” Leon shrugs, looking down at his phone for a few seconds before looking up at Isak again. “Isak, do you wanna play with me?”

 

“Oh,” Isak mumbles, not expecting that question at all. It’s not like Isak knows what he’s doing when it comes to kids, so he doesn’t understand why Leon would ask  _him_ of all people. “Eh... I can’t.”

 

“Why?” Leon asks, his mouth turning into a small pout.

 

“I have to work.”

 

“Why?” Leon repeats, looking more confused than sad now, which is good, Isak supposes.

 

Eva exhales heavily from where she’s once again slumped over the counter. “Good question, kid.”

 

And while Eva might have a point, Isak guesses he should try to answer the question for real instead. He knows  _that_ much, okay. “To get money so I can buy food and stuff.”

 

However, that only seems to make Leon even more confused than before. “Just go to the kitchen and mommy gets food for you.”

 

Isak smiles faintly at him. “My mom doesn’t live with me, though.”

 

“Why?”

 

And that’s a question Isak has been asking himself countless of times. A question that has caused him sleepless nights and hours of arguments, that has made him angry and frustrated, that has ended in countless of tears and deep cracks in his heart and days after days of blaming himself for everything. It’s a question Isak doesn’t have the answer to.

 

 _Why_ , indeed.

 

Isak doesn’t even know where to start, much less how to explain it in a way that a three-year-old would understand. The truth isn’t even an answer he would  _want_ to give to a kid, someone who sees the world as predominantly positive. Leon doesn’t need to know it’s not, doesn’t need to know about moms who can’t live with you, moms who are sick and sometimes forget you exist.

 

“Because I live by myself,” Isak settles on eventually.

 

Apparently that only gives Leon more things to wonder about. “Then who makes food for you?”

 

“I do.”

 

Eva lets out a weird, and clearly fake, cough. “Barely.”

 

“Shut-” Isak stops himself, realising just in time that ‘shut up’ might not be a nice phrase to have a kid repeat to their parents. Maybe he’s actually better at dealing with kids than he initially thought. “Uh... be quiet, Eva.”

 

Leon studies them for a moment, then brings up the hand that’s still holding his phone to look at that instead, his little fingers back to pressing the buttons and letting the bright sounds fill up the silence.

 

“I have to go,” he announces suddenly, before promptly turning around and exiting the building, the bell ringing quietly behind him.

 

Isak stares at the empty space Leon had been standing in less than five seconds ago, his mind too slow to register what just happened. Or maybe too full of other thoughts that the action of Leon leaving doesn’t have any room to be acknowledged. It takes him another moment of trying to sort through it all -- push, push, push. Far, far away -- before he remembers why he even came in here in the first place.

 

 

**Torsdag 6/7 - kl. 14.27**

 

Isak could be on his way home by now, close enough that he could almost feel the comfort of his bed, but for some reason he’s still at work. He was just going to give Magnus his hat back, having borrowed it since he forgot his own on the one day the sun decided so show up and grant them with a heat of close to thirty degrees, but before he knew it he was roped into a conversation with Vilde about what kind of food she should bring to the barbecue.

 

And okay, it’s not like he’s forced to be here; he could just get up and leave. But there’s something that keeps him here -- most likely his own laziness. Getting off this stool just seems like more effort than it’s worth, not to mention the twenty minute bike ride he has to get through to get home.

 

“What about those cheeseburgers I made last year? Some people liked those, right?” Vilde wonders out loud, her eyes not leaving the bowl in her hands as she mixes up the dough of whatever it is she’s making. Isak didn’t ask.

 

Magnus eyes go wide at her words. “Are you kidding? Everyone loved them!”

 

“So maybe I could make those again?” Vilde asks, still sounding a bit uncertain.

 

“Yes! Vilde,  _please_. Do it,” Magnus begs.

 

For some reason, Isak had found him standing in the kitchen next to Vilde instead of being out in the restaurant waiting tables, but Isak knows better than to question him at this point. Magnus is usually where he’s supposed to be. Or, if he’s not, and gets caught by that guy Isak can never remember the name of, the one who’s like the boss of the restaurant, he can just make up some kind of bullshit excuse involving his parents and him trying out new things. Isak is equal parts impressed and annoyed by Magnus’ ability to get out of messy situations that easily.

 

(Actually, no. It’s mostly annoyance.)

 

“Too bad I’m not getting off work until ten, I’m gonna miss the beginning,” Vilde complains.

 

“Most people don’t get there before half past nine, anyway,” Isak assures her. “You’ll miss like, thirty minutes or something.”

 

Vilde smiles gratefully at him, putting some more flour in the bowl before she starts mixing again. Isak leans back against the wall behind him and watches her work for a moment, her movements quick and practised.

 

“Yeah, Isak is right. It’ll be fine.” Magnus grins at them both before the expression falls off his face. “Wait! Vilde, do you know who made the mini burgers at the last party?”

 

Vilde furrows her brows as she thinks about it. “I’m not sure,” she says eventually. “Maybe Yousef?”

 

“Okay, thanks. I’ll ask him about it next time I see him,” Magnus says, sending an exaggerated wink in Isak’s direction, earning him an eyeroll from Isak in return.

 

Vilde nods slightly to herself, biting her lip. “So I should make the cheeseburgers?”

 

“Yes, Vilde!” Magnus says, reaching a hand out to grab her shoulder to make her turn around to face him. When she does, he just smiles brightly at her until she lets out a short laugh and turns back to the dough in front of her, a smile still on her lips.

 

“You do know it’s not your responsibility to bring food for everyone, right?” Isak asks. “Like you’re supposed to just bring your own food?”

 

“I know,” Vilde says. “It’s my third time, I know what it’s like.”

 

Magnus frowns at Isak. “Why are you acting like her bringing food is a bad thing? It’s pretty much as far from a problem you can come.”

 

“I’m not saying it’s  _bad_. Just… she doesn’t  _have_ to do it.”

 

Vilde looks at him for a moment, before her smile turns even wider. “You’re so sweet, Isak.”

 

Magnus snorts. “Isak? Sweet? Are we thinking about the same person?”

 

“Fuck off,” Isak mutters, but the ringing of the kitchen timer on the counter saves him from having to decide whether or not he should agree with Vilde to contradict Magnus, or just admit that sweet isn’t a word anyone, except Vilde apparently, would ever use to describe him.

 

Vilde is quick to make the noise stop, then she turns to go into the other part of the kitchen, leaving Isak alone with Magnus.

 

“So what kind of food are you bringing?” Magnus asks, pushing a finger around in some flour lying on the counter.

 

“Probably nothing,” Isak admits, and then Magnus replies something that Isak doesn’t hear, because his phone suddenly vibrates. He shifts slightly on the stool to get it out of his pocket, turning on the screen to find one new text.

 

**Even - 14.34:**

Have you ever heard the cat make any noise?

 

The sender does not come as a surprise to Isak; in the two days since he gave Even his number, they’ve been texting each other quite a few times. Enough times that Isak isn’t _that_ surprised by the subject of Even’s text either, since he usually starts up conversations about the most random things.

 

What  _is_ unexpected, on the other hand, is how much just a simple thing as a text from Even affects him. Because it shouldn’t do that. At least not anymore; he’s received well over fifty -- or maybe even close to a hundred -- from him already. It should be old news by now.

 

A part of him could argue that he shouldn’t have felt anything at all to begin with, but the other part, the bigger one, has realised that he’s well past that point. He can’t lie to himself about that anymore. Even does have too much of an effect on him.

 

He’s still not going to do anything about it, though.

 

**14.35**

What?

**14.35**

What cat?

 

**14.36**

The same one we talked about last time

**14.36**

How many cats do you know?

 

**14.36**

More than one

 

**14.36**

Well from now on if I ever mention a cat just assume I’m talking about that one

 

**14.37**

Got it

 

“Who are you texting?” Magnus asks, making Isak come back to reality and snap his eyes up to meet his, only now remembering where he is.

 

“Uh…” Isak starts, hesitating for a moment before deciding against lying for once. What’s the point when Magnus will probably find a way to figure it out, anyway. “It’s Even.”

 

If Magnus is surprised by that answer, he doesn’t show it. “What is he saying?”

 

“Something about a cat, I don’t know really,” Isak mumbles, distracted once again as he gets another text.

 

**14.39**

You didn’t answer my question :(

 

**14.40**

Haha chill

**14.40**

I don’t know

**14.40**

Not that I can remember?

 

**14.40**

But isn’t that weird?

**14.40**

I’ve never met a cat this silent before

 

**14.40**

Maybe a little

 

**14.41**

Are there any mute cats?

 

**14.41**

Why are you asking me?

**14.41**

Do I look like some kind of cat expert?

 

**14.41**

Yeah

**14.42**

I mean you do know more than one

 

Isak laughs despite trying his best not to. He’s moving his thumbs up to the keyboard to write a reply when Magnus interrupts him again, this time by clearing his throat in an attempt to get his attention. Isak takes his eyes off his phone to find Magnus leaning on his arms against the counter, his head tilted slightly to the side.

 

“So are you two friends now?” he asks.

 

Isak shrugs. “I guess.”

 

“Interesting,” Magnus teases.

 

Isak just rolls his eyes at him, not even bothering to grant him with more of a reaction. Instead he turns back to the phone, only to be interrupted yet again only seconds later by Vilde returning to the room.

 

“Isak! We’ve narrowed it down to four kinds of cupcakes now, but we can only sell two to start with. Do you want to try them and see what you think?”

 

Finally, a simple question.

 

 

**Fredag 7/7 - kl. 22.04**

 

There is sand everywhere.

 

Not that that’s strange in any way, since Isak is sitting on a beach, but it’s still very unpleasant. However, apart from the feeling of sand in places he would rather not have it, the party is pretty nice so far. It would be even more nice if his friends could stop bothering him, though. Or if he was closer to being drunk.

 

With that thought, he reaches over to steal another one of Jonas’ beers, which makes Jonas let out an annoyed groan.

 

“Next time I’m not gonna bring any beer at all, see how you like it then.”

 

Isak snorts. “Yeah, right. You would never do that to me.”

 

“You’re 18!” Jonas exclaims, reaching over in an attempt to take the beer back. “You can just go buy your own! I had to fight to get these.”

 

“You just asked Mahdi?” Isak says incredulously as he holds the beer out of Jonas’ reach, using his other hand to push him away.

 

Jonas apparently decides to give up only three seconds later, exhaling heavily as he sits back down in the sand. “Yeah, and he was being difficult.”

 

Mahdi’s mouth drops open at that. “I just said I could only get you  _one_ sixpack this time since I had to carry it on my bike!”

 

Jonas just waves a hand, grabbing another beer for himself and taking a sip.

 

“Yes!” Magnus half-shouts, startling them all and making some of Isak’s beer spill out and dribble down over his hand. “I told you Elias was gonna get in the water first,” he continues, pointing towards the shore.

 

The other three follow the direction of his finger, finding Elias, exactly as Magnus said, splashing around in the water. Yousef is not far behind, struggling with pulling his shirt over his head before running in after Elias.

 

“Fuck,” Mahdi groans, throwing his can of beer to the side in their makeshift trash can, originating because their collective laziness was too strong for them to get up and walk to the real one after every drink. “That was so close.”

 

“Too bad,” Magnus laughs. “One point for me! How does it feel to lose, boys?”

 

“You’re still last, though,” Isak points out.

 

“Not for long!”

 

Mahdi shakes his head slightly, mostly to himself, before he raises his voice a notch, changing the subject. “Anyway, back to business. Honestly, what are Isak’s chances of hooking up with Even tonight?”

 

And of course they would go back to  _this_ conversation.

 

“You’re the one who said he just broke up with his girlfriend and ‘maybe it’s not a good time’, or whatever?” Isak says, complete with a, very bad, imitation of Mahdi’s voice.

 

“First of all, that sounded nothing like me,” Mahdi starts, ticking it off on his finger. “And second, that was before I saw the way he looks at you. That guy is so gone.”

 

“True,” Jonas agrees. “I have no idea why he would like  _you_ , though.”

 

Isak is too slow to protest, only getting as far as opening his mouth before Magnus chimes in.

 

“Me neither. So based on that I would say… not a very big chance.”

 

Isak does protest this time. “Of course I don’t have that much of a chance; he’s not even here.”

 

It’s only when the words are already out of his mouth that he realises the implications of his statement. The boys all smirk at him, and Isak takes a sip of his beer just to have a valid reason to avoid their gazes for at least a few seconds.

 

“So,” Jonas starts a moment later, and while Isak might be done drinking his beer for now, he’s still not going to look at him. “Are you saying that you would go for it if he were?”

 

Then Isak can’t avoid it anymore. His eyes snap up to meet Jonas’ automatically, narrowing as he frowns at him. “No! Why does no one believe me when I say I’m not gonna do anything about it?”

 

“Because you’re the worst liar ever,” Mahdi says, as if that should’ve been obvious.

 

“And we know you want to,” Magnus adds, “so it’s only a matter of time before you give in.”

 

Isak glares at them. “I need new friends,” he mutters.

 

“Good luck with that,” Jonas comments.

 

“Oh.” Magnus suddenly stands up, brushing off the sand on his pants and effectively changing the subject. He might not be so bad, after all. “Vilde’s here. See you later, boys.”

 

He leaves them without a backward glance, moving in zigzag between groups of people spread out on the beach to reach Vilde, who is standing over by the grill next to Sana and Eva.

 

“How long was that?” Mahdi asks, grabbing another beer from his stack to the left of him, which is well out of Isak’s reach. Isak wonders if he did that on purpose.

 

“She just got here less than a minute ago,” Jonas informs him. “So he was almost faster than Isak is spotting Even.”

 

“Ha-ha,” Isak says dryly.

 

Jonas just laughs at him. “We all got that one, right?”

 

“Yeah, too easy,” Mahdi confirms, putting his beer down in the sand to get his phone out of the pocket and update the score.

 

“Speaking of easy,” Jonas adds, “Maria just left.”

 

“Nice,” Mahdi grins, continuing to tap on his phone as he gives yet another point each to Jonas and himself, as well as one to Magnus. Then he glances up at Isak with a look of disbelief. “How did you not guess that? She always leaves early to get home to her dog.  _Everyone_ knows that.”

 

“I don’t know. I forgot she even existed.” Isak doesn’t care about the game, but he’s beyond done with himself and his problem with focusing on the right thing. Whether or not this would belong to that category might be debatable, but still.

 

Jonas reaches over to pat Isak’s head, full of fake sympathy. “There, there. Have another beer.”

 

Because Isak is an idiot, he just stares at the offered beer for a moment, giving Jonas plenty of time to withdraw his offer. He doesn’t, just sits and waits patiently for Isak to take it.

 

And that would be the logical thing to do, but for some unexplainable reason he decides to open his mouth to complain first. “So  _now_ you’re sharing? I’m not even done with this one.”

 

“Then save it for later,” Jonas says, and Isak can’t find any arguments to that, so he takes the beer, stretching out as far as he can behind him to place it somewhere in the sand, hoping that the distance will make it at least a little bit more difficult in case any of the boys get the idea to steal it from him before he decides to drink it.

 

A whiff of something burning reaches them then, and they all turn to the grill where the girls are still standing, trying to put a stop to the smoke. It’s hard to tell who exactly caused it, but they don’t have much time to wonder about it before they get an answer.

 

All of a sudden they’re a group of four again, Magnus appearing out of nowhere and sitting back down next to Jonas.

 

“Did you see Sana burn Vilde’s burger?”

 

“That was  _Sana_?” Mahdi asks, sounding surprised. “I thought she was good at, well... everything.”

 

Magnus scoffs. “No. She’s terrible at cooking.” He pauses as he takes in the other boys’ expressions. “Am I the only one who knew that? Isak, I thought you were like, ‘best buds’, or whatever it is you call it.”

 

“Well, I’ve been reconsidering that whole thing lately,” Isak pouts.

 

“Yeah,  _right_ ,” Magnus says, before turning to Mahdi. “Did you write down those two points for me?” he asks, and Mahdi nods affirmatively in return.

 

“Anything fun happening over on that side?” Jonas asks, tilting his head to where the girls now seem to have better control over the food, the smoke completely vanished.

 

“Yeah, Yousef and Elias brought those friends they always hang out with, you know, Adam, Mikael and Mutta? And the three of them and the girls are challenging each other into doing all kinds of different things, it’s hilarious,” he laughs to himself, then adds “That’s actually why Sana was even cooking in the first place; Adam told her to do it.”

 

Isak raises an eyebrow at Magnus. “If it’s so amazing over there then why did you come back here? Did you miss us already?”

 

Magnus snorts. “No. I was just wondering when Even is coming. I want to get another point.”

 

“Speaking of,” Mahdi says, “we all got yours right.”

 

Magnus rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, surprise. When is he coming?”

 

“Even getting here is not even gonna help you win, though?” Jonas points out. “We all answered the same thing on that one.”

 

“ _Yeah_ , obviously,” Magnus says. “But I’m still gonna pass Isak when I get those points, so I’m not gonna be last anymore.”

 

Isak isn’t really paying attention to their conversation at the moment, mostly tuning it out as background noise, but he takes a second to shake his head tiredly at Magnus comment.

 

Isak focuses on drinking some more of his, or well,  _Jonas’_ , beer, looking out towards the water. The sun is on its way down, the last rays making the surface of the water glitter with the movement of the soft waves. There’s no one splashing around in it anymore, Yousef and Elias already back on land somewhere.

 

After a while he realises that there’s a silence between his friends now, one that has been dragging on for a suspiciously long amount of time, so he turns around to face them again. He did not expect to find all of them looking at him as if they’re waiting for him to say something. Too bad he has no idea  _what_.

 

“What?”

 

“When is Even coming?” Mahdi asks, sounding impatient, as if he’s already repeated the same thing at least three times.

 

Not that Isak would be surprised if that were true, but still.

 

Isak looks between the three of them in confusion. “Why are you asking  _me_?”

 

Mahdi just gives him a look, waiting for him to give up his act.

 

Isak lets out a tired breath. “He was working until ten, then they have to close up and all that.”

 

“Okay,” Magnus says, then his smile turns into a smirk as he nods towards the edge of the forest. “Look Mahdi, your best friend just got here!”

 

Mahdi looks up for a second, before letting his head fall down to rest in his hands. “Fuck my life.”

 

“He closed today, too, right?” Jonas asks, following Alex with his eyes as he makes his way over to them, unbeknownst to Mahdi.

 

“Yes,” Mahdi sighs, his words slightly muffled by his hands, “and I had the early shift so I didn’t have to work with him at all today.”

 

Isak pats him mockingly on the back, suddenly a lot more invested in the conversation now that the subject moved away from himself and Even. “Well, now you get to hang out all night!”

 

“You know,” Jonas starts, “this just means Even will probably show up any minute now, too.”

 

And just like that, it’s back. Isak opens his mouth to say something to steer them off that topic onto anything else, but he doesn’t have time to figure out what before they’re interrupted by Alex. And then Isak receives help from the most unexpected of places.

 

“Hey, guys,” Alex says brightly as he comes to a stop in front of them. His voice makes Mahdi jump, and Isak almost laughs at his reaction. Instead, he listens as the other boys greet Alex back with various levels of enthusiasm, and then decides to push things a little further.

 

“Hi, Alex,” he says, a wide smile spreading over his face. “We were just talking about you!”

 

The comment causes Alex to frown at him in what seems to be confusion, which admittedly isn’t that strange since Isak usually avoids talking to him at all unless he really has to. So far, there hasn’t been many reasons for them to interact, and he could probably count their conversations on one hand.

 

Alex studies the other boys for a moment before turning back to Isak. “You were?”

 

“Yeah,” Isak nods. “Mahdi said-”

 

A kick to his shin from Mahdi makes him stop mid-sentence, which he guesses was Mahdi’s intention. So Isak just grins cheekily at him.

 

“Said what?” Alex asks, fidgeting slightly where he stands as he waits for an answer.

 

“Eh,” Mahdi hurries to say, probably to not give Isak any room to keep lying and getting him into a bigger mess than he already is. “I just said it was quiet at work today. Because, you know. You usually talk to me when we’re working.”

 

“Oh, right,” Alex mumbles, bringing a hand up to scratch at his cheek. “Well, uh.” He pauses for a moment as he glances between the four of them again before eventually stopping to rest his eyes back on Mahdi. “Maybe we could talk now? Do you wanna get something to eat?”

 

There’s an awkward silence at his question, and Isak could easily put an end to it, but it’s not really his place, and it doesn’t bother him at all. On the contrary, watching Mahdi try to come up with a way to get out of it without hurting Alex’s feelings is quite entertaining. So he just sits back, drinks his beer, and enjoys the show.

 

“Fine,” Mahdi sighs after what feels like an eternity, but probably wasn’t even longer than ten seconds. “As long as it’s not waffles,” he adds, raising his eyebrows pointedly at Alex.

 

“Eh, no,” Alex laughs, but it sounds a bit forced. He shakes his head as he continues. “Don’t worry. No more waffles.”

 

Mahdi looks at him for moment longer, before letting out another sigh and pushing himself up to his feet. “Okay, let’s go.”

 

When Alex turns to leave, Mahdi stays where he is long enough to glare at Isak and mutter an “I hate you” in his direction. The words mostly sound tired rather than angry, so Isak just answers them with a grin, watching as Mahdi reluctantly starts to follow Alex.

 

“What’s up with you?” Jonas asks when Mahdi is gone, a deep frown on his face as he studies Isak.

 

Isak shrugs. “I’m just trying to help him.”

 

“Help him with what?” Magnus wonders, absentmindedly pushing some sand around with his shoes as he waits for an answer.

 

Isak looks out at the water again, the sun closer to the horizon now. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I thought maybe they could be friends.”

 

“What?” Jonas says, sounding even more baffled now. “All Mahdi ever does is complain about him, why would he want to be friends with him?”

 

Isak is just about to answer when something catches his attention in the corner of his eye. He can’t even pretend to be surprised when he realises what, or more specifically,  _who_ , it is.

 

Apparently Even manages to illuminate his surroundings even when he’s not dressed in his work clothes. The white t-shirt he’s wearing somehow seems even more luminous, looking like a light in the darkness where it brightens the edge of the forest as Even expertly steps over the log and out onto the beach.

 

Just as every time Isak has seen him -- and that number is high at this point -- Even looks  _really_ good, even without trying. Isak glances down at his own shirt to see whether or not he made a wise choice earlier that night. To no one’s surprise, he did not. The t-shirt is washed out and at least five years old, and Isak thinks it was probably Jonas’ to begin with. The grey snapback he’s wearing, facing backwards, of course, might at least save him a little, make him look at least slightly more cool. But even though his look could be worse, it could also be  _significantly_ better.

 

When Isak looks up again, Even’s eyes are already on his, so, naturally, Isak averts his gaze. Isak looking at Even is one thing. The other way around? Way too much for Isak to deal with right now.

 

He’s abruptly dragged back to reality again when Jonas lets out a loud laugh.

 

“There’s your point, Magnus.”

 

“Last place, Isak,” Magnus grins. “How does it feel?”

 

“You should know.”

 

Magnus just ignores him, instead letting out a sigh. “Wow, he looks good.”

 

Isak looks up to find him staring at Even, who hasn’t moved much since their previous eye contact, now talking to someone Isak doesn’t know. Groaning, Isak hides his face in his hands. “ _I know_.”

 

Jonas lets out another laugh, then, and the next words out of his mouth are not ones Isak wants to hear in this moment. “Shit, he’s coming over.”

 

“What?” Isak squeaks, looking up once more, only to groan again when he finds that to be true; Even really is on his way over to them. “Oh, fuck.”

 

“We should go,” Jonas announces out of nowhere, causing Isak to be struck with sudden panic.

 

“ _What?!_ Why?”

 

Jonas and Magnus share a look, probably trying to use telepathy to help each other come up with some bullshit excuse.

 

“Mahdi!” Magnus exclaims after a few seconds of silence, the sudden exclamation almost startling even himself.

 

“Yes,” Jonas nods exaggeratedly. “Mahdi. We need to talk to him.”

 

“Right now,” Magnus adds, grabbing onto Jonas’ arm and turning around to find Mahdi --  _or_   _not_  -- throwing out their goodbyes distractedly as they leave.

 

Isak only gets about five seconds of solitude before Even stops in front of him.

 

“Your friends seem... nice,” Even comments, unsurprisingly skipping a normal kind of greeting.

 

“Well, they’re not,” Isak says, glaring at their backs where he can still see them making their way to the other side of the beach.

 

Even hums thoughtfully in response, and then the conversation just trails off before it even started. The beach is far from quiet, the music constantly playing with the volume somewhere between ‘this is a nice background noise’ to ‘I can’t even hear myself thinking’, as well as the various sounds coming from all the people. But despite this, there’s a silence building up between the two of them, somehow managing to be louder than anything else, drowning out all the other noise.

 

Isak brings his beer up to his lips to gulp down what’s left of it for nothing better to do, avoiding Even’s eyes. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to him, because he does.  _So much_. But he can’t think of anything to say. It’s like the text message all over again, as if the longer he thinks about what to say, the harder it is to say it. It doesn’t help that he’s also on his way to being drunk, and something about the whole thing just feels off. His thoughts are even more confusing than usual. It’s like he’s feeling too much but not enough, all at the same time, and his brain can't decide which one to focus on.

 

He’s out of beer faster than he would’ve liked, faster than he thought he would be, and to his disappointment his friends haven’t left any behind either. He throws the empty can in the pile with the other drinks he and the boys finished earlier in the night, the sound of it hitting another can seeming to ring out louder than what he remembers it usually doing. The second the sound stops, and the silence comes back, Isak regrets his automatic decision of discarding it. Now he has nothing to do with his hands, and he can feel them twitch for something to hold on to, something to do.

 

That’s when the annoyance creeps in, all of it directed at himself, in one way or another. Annoyance at his inability to start conversations, think things through, get a grip on his feelings; the list could go on. He knows the irritation is visible on his face, and that’s why he can’t understand Even’s reasons for still being here. Why would anyone want to spend a party with someone who is just killing the mood with his grumpiness?

 

A touch to his foot brings Isak’s attention back to his surroundings, meeting Even’s eyes again. He’s smiling at Isak, looking slightly amused by something, but Isak can’t begin to try to figure out what before Even speaks.

 

“Come on. I want to show you something.”

 

Out of all the things Isak imagined himself or Even saying to start up the conversation again, this was not one of them. “Show me  _what_?”

 

“It’s a surprise,” Even winks.

 

Isak frowns at him, and then, without thinking, he reaches a hand out for Even to help him up. It's only when Even's fingers wrap around his in a firm grip that Isak realises just how stupid that move was.

 

It only lasts a few seconds, and then they let go, but Isak already misses his touch. And that thought might be even stupider than holding hands in the first place. At least he’s sober enough that he let go at all; drunk him might very well have tried to hold on to Even’s hand for the rest of the night.

 

While Isak has been having another internal crisis, Even has turned around and started to walk, making his way further west, away from the party. Isak quickly shakes his head in the hopes it will help him clear his head, at least a little, and only then does he remember the other beer Jonas gave him. Drinking more than he already has might not be his best idea, but he ignores that, reaching down to pick it up, anyway. After brushing off the sand stuck to the sides of the can, as well as all of it clinging to his clothes and body, he hurries to catch up with Even.

 

“Where are we going?” he asks when he’s close enough to touch Even again.

 

 _(Wait,_ no _. That’s exactly the kind of thought he should_ not  _be focusing on.)_

 

Even laughs quietly. “Relax, would you? We haven’t even been walking for one minute yet.”

 

“Too long,” Isak complains, mostly just to hear that laugh again. Which he does just a second later.  _Success._

 

The rest of the walk is quiet, but this silence feels more comfortable, somehow. Leaving the liveliness of the party makes everything slow down, letting a calmness settle around them that makes it easier to breathe. They don’t even go that far, only to the other side of the beach where the sand is cut off by a big rock, but it feels like they’ve left the party altogether even though they could probably still see it if they turned around.

 

Climbing up a rock while being halfway to drunk and simultaneously holding a beer in one hand, making it useless in this situation, is harder than one might think. In conclusion: do not listen to your friend when they tell you to do it, no matter how hot they might look in that moment.

 

(And yes, Isak would say he and Even are friends now, even though Isak’s mind doesn’t always stay in that lane.)

 

In the end, Isak eventually gets up. It takes a helping hand from Even,  _literally_ , which is followed by another battle inside Isak’s head. But he does get up, and when he’s standing at the top, Even spreads his arms out to the sides, a wide grin on his face.

 

“So, what do you think?”

 

Isak frowns at him. “About what?”

 

“This place,” Even elaborates.

 

Isak shrugs. “It’s okay.”

 

“I thought you would like it more than being in the middle of the party,” Even says, sitting down on the rock, leaning back on his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“There are no people here,” Even smirks, making Isak roll his eyes at him.

 

Walking closer to Even, Isak takes a seat as well. Fortunately he’s conscious enough to leave an appropriate amount of space between them, not trusting himself to not do anything stupid if they would be too close. At least not in the state he’s in at the moment.

 

“Actually,” Even continues. “I guess I can see why you like this beach the best.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Even nods. “It’s beautiful. Especially like this.”

 

“With a bunch of people getting drunk and stuffing themselves with way too much food?”

 

“Exactly,” Even laughs, and Isak can’t help but smile himself.

 

“So does that mean you admit I was right and this is the best one?” Isak smirks, tilting his head up slightly as he waits for an answer.

 

The heavy breath Even lets out is excessive, making it sound as if he’s just giving in rather than telling the truth. “ _Fine_ , you’re right.”

 

“I already told you; I always am.”

 

Even chuckles lightly to himself, and Isak takes a moment to watch him glow in the last light of the day, somehow looking even better than when he arrived to the party.

 

Instead of staring at Even all night -- which would’ve been nice, but admittedly also very creepy -- Isak decides to finally open the beer Jonas gave him earlier. He doesn’t need to drink more, probably  _shouldn’t_  drink more, but he also feels like he kind of does.

 

Liquid courage, or whatever.

 

 _(Courage for_ what _? Now, that’s a question. To live, maybe. Let go a little. Relax.)_

 

He takes a few sips of the drink, then surprises himself by being the one to break the silence.

 

“So what do you think about the party?” he asks. “Will this be your first and last time?”

 

“Well,” Even starts, furrowing his brows. “I was only there for like five minutes before I had to leave in order to rescue you from having to interact with people. Because I'm nice and I know how much you hate that.”

 

Isak holds up a finger. “Okay, first of all, that is not at all what happened. None of that is true. I didn’t even need ‘rescuing’,” he insists. “And second of all, all of this is on you. No one asked you to abandon the party.”

 

“I know,” Even agrees. “This isn't so bad, though. It could still be  _better_ , but it’s not bad.”

 

Being in the middle of drinking his beer in that moment might not have been very smart, because it takes Isak a few seconds to swallow before he can let his mouth drop open in offense. “What could possibly be better than talking to me while at the same time getting the opportunity to watch me get drunk?”

 

Even twists his mouth into a fake pout. “I mean, you could at least share.”

 

That makes Isak roll his eyes at him again, before holding out his beer for Even to take. Which he doesn’t -- he just glances down at it for a moment before looking back at Isak.

 

“I was just kidding.”

 

Isak raises an eyebrow. “So you don’t want any?”

 

Even sighs, dragging a hand through his hair before he answers.

 

“I do, but I shouldn’t.”

 

Isak doesn’t know what he had expected Even to say, but he knows it wasn’t that. The comment makes Isak wonder about why. Does Even mean he shouldn’t drink like how _Isak_ shouldn’t right now, because Isak can definitely understand that. Those thoughts lead to others and Isak needs to stop before he spins himself around in circles again, stuck in a tornado of thoughts that won’t let him go. So, to distract them, he pushes his focus back to the conversation.

 

“Why not?”

 

“It messes with my meds,” Even explains, his voice quieter now.

 

“Oh.”

 

There’s a moment of silence again, where Isak studies Even but Even won’t look back, instead staring out at the water in front of them. Isak wants to ask more questions, but he's still sober enough that he knows he might overstep some boundaries if he does, might ask for more than Even wants to give.

 

But apparently Even is okay with people knowing, or at least with  _Isak_ knowing -- and his mind almost snatches that thought with the intention to take it way too far, but Isak manages to stop it just in time -- because then he answers Isak’s unspoken question, the words almost a whisper.

 

“I’m bipolar.”

 

Isak doesn’t know what to say other than a weak “okay”.

 

Even turns to look at him then, just for a second before averting his gaze again. “Do you know what that is?”

 

“Yeah,” Isak nods. “Magnus' mom is bipolar, too. So he’s told us about it. It’s cool,” he adds with a nonchalant shrug.

 

“It’s  _cool_?” Even asks, the confusion clear in his voice, and fuck. That’s not at all what Isak meant.

 

“I mean, it’s fine, or whatever,” he rushes to say. “I don’t care.”

 

And of course he only makes it worse.

 

Even faces him again, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead. If Isak could take back the last ten seconds of his life, he would, no doubts. But instead he’s left with having to fix the mess caused by an unwanted cooperation between the Even-related chaos in his mind and the alcohol swirling through his body. As it turns out, those two should not be mixed under any circumstances.

 

So, he tries to solve the problem by talking even more.

 

( _What?_ He’s still affected by that terrible teamwork; rational thinking is not something he can understand at the moment.)

 

“I mean, I  _care_ , obviously. But I…” Isak trails off, finally realising that he should just stop talking before he reaches a point of no return. “Fuck.”

 

Fortunately, Even is a much better friend than Isak deserves.

 

“It’s fine,” he assures, nudging their shoulders together, causing Isak to get pushed towards that metaphorical edge. And it’s only now that he can truly see how close he actually is.

 

“Relax, Isak,” Even adds.

 

That’s the thing though. He doesn’t know how to anymore.

 

If the line was ever unclear before, it’s nothing compared to now. Because in this moment he doesn’t know where it is, doesn’t know where the darkness ends and the light begins. He feels like they’re blending together, making the blue of one side mix with the red of the other until all he can see is different shades of purple.

 

Until all Isak can focus on is trying to remember why he made that line in the first place.

 

Isak doesn’t know how long they stay there on the rock, the distance between them that was once okay now too small.

 

Even starts up another conversation about something, and Isak guesses he contributes to it appropriately, because Even doesn’t comment on it. But Isak has no idea what it is about, because he’s not paying attention to him. And that might have been a welcome change if it weren’t for the fact that he  _is_ still thinking about Even, trying without success to deal with the thoughts he brings up.

 

Because Isak is getting so tired, in every sense of the word. He can’t think clearly anymore, can’t find the energy to fight this battle when he can’t remember the reason behind it.

 

Maybe he should just give in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....... or should he??
> 
> ok important note: I LOVE WAFFLES OK AND I LOVE MAHDI X WAFFLES THE MOST!!!! BUT!!! theres a reason he doesnt like them in this au (at least right now), and youll find out why later in the story
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!! ♥♥♥ come say [hi](http://isakissyvaltersen.tumblr.com) if u want
> 
> also comments make my entire life, im not even kidding


	3. one million questions, a bouncy castle, the world’s best coffee, and a lot of lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh .............. hi?
> 
> ok so idek if anyone remembers this fic but if u do... IM SORRY!!! i know this took me almost a year (!!!) to post (even tho i said i hoped this chapter would be out faster than the last one (= like 2 weeks)) but...... well. lets just say..... depression is a bitch.
> 
> but ANYWAYS, the chapter is here now??? yay?? a maybe possibly good thing about this taking so long is that if you read chapter 1+2 last year then you probably dont remember what the fuck this fic was even about so now you kind of get 3 chapters instead of 1?? maybe?? ha hA ha ok SORRY
> 
> ok im gonna stop talking now youve waited long enough lmao heres like 17.7k words of isak being an idiot!! enjoy!!

**Lørdag 8/7 - kl. 11.41**

 

**How to get the guy - for dummies**

 

**Mahdi**

There’s no way I can work today

 

**Magnus**

Me neither

 

**Jonas**

Mags did you even have work today?

 

**Magnus**

No

But still

Btw what the fuck was in those hot dogs?

 

**Mahdi**

spices

 

**Jonas**

Hahaha

 

**Magnus**

Did you know I once saw a dog dressed as a hot dog

Best day of my life

 

**Mahdi**

okay???

 

**Magnus**

I just remembered that

 

**Jonas**

wow

 

_you seriously woke me up for this??_

 

**Magnus**

How were you even still sleeping

 

_I didn’t fall asleep until 6 this morning_

_That’s how_

 

**Jonas**

fuck how did it go with Even?

 

**Mahdi**

Wait did you hang out with him all night

???

 

**Jonas**

Isak??

 

**Magnus**

Guys

What if they’re still hanging out

and that’s why he’s not answering

 

**Mahdi**

oh shit

Didn’t they leave together?

 

**Jonas**

they did

and then I didn’t see either of them for the rest of the night

Isak you don’t even know I won the game

 

**Mahdi**

That was just luck

 

**Jonas**

whatever you need to tell yourself...

 

_What the fuck Mahdi_

_Work just called and asked if I could cover your shift_

 

**Jonas**

Amazing

 

_and NO_

_I’m not hanging out with Even_

_and nothing happened_

 

**Mahdi**

I kinda wish I could go to work anyway just to see that

 

**Jonas**

same

 

**Magnus**

He wouldn’t even be there if you were Mahdi?

 

**Mahdi**

I know, it’s too bad

I could use a laugh right now

 

_Fuck off_

 

**Jonas**

but how did it go last night?

 

**Magnus**

SOMETHING must have happened???

 

_no?_

_We just went to the other side of the beach and talked_

 

**Mahdi**

that’s it?

 

_Yes_

_Now I’m gonna go back to sleep for a while before I have to get ready for work_

_thanks for that Mahdi_

 

**Mahdi**

You’re welcome!

have fun with the kids issy

 

_You don’t even know if I’ll work in the kids area?_

_Maybe I’ll take care of renting out the boats and shit_

 

**Mahdi**

Hah

Good luck

That’s even worse

 

+

 

As it turns out, Isak does have to work in the kids area. More specifically, he apparently has to spend the first hour supervising the kids in the bouncy castle.

 

He curses under his breath as he reads through the schedule on the notice board, feelings of regret about not coming up with an excuse to get out of working today growing stronger by the second. The headache caused by last night’s drinking doesn’t help in the least.

 

As he starts making his way over to the castle, steps heavy and dragging with reluctance, he sends a message to Mahdi asking for advice as to how he’s supposed to survive the day. Because right now, the end seems too distant for him to ever reach.

 

The reply comes almost instantly, but it does nothing to improve Isak’s mood.

 

**Mahdi - 15.56:**

I mean, most of the kids are great

**15.56**

but there’s always gonna be a few who require some extra attention

 

Isak barely has time to read through the messages before they’re followed by two more in quick succession.

 

**Mahdi - 15.57:**

The bouncy castle though… that’s… probably the worst place

**15.57**

sry bro

 

That shouldn’t come as a surprise, though. Nothing about this day has been good so far, so why should this be any different?

 

It only takes one minute of his shift for Isak to realise exactly why Mahdi would put this at the bottom of the list of nice places to be. While kids and bouncy castles are two things that are considered a good combination a lot of the time, Isak can’t for the life of him understand who would ever be of that opinion after spending any time in the presence of them both.

 

The bouncy floor makes their moves unpredictable, and, according to yet another text from Mahdi, getting through a shift without having at least one kid in tears is unheard of. The thing about children crying, though, is that they never do it quietly, and Isak feels as if he is about one second from losing his hearing. And it’s not even better when they’re all happy, because then there’s the noise of their shrill laughter, and that might very well be worse.

 

There’s just no end to their overwhelming happiness.

 

Except for when it smoothly transitions into crying, but then Isak is back in that vicious cycle anyway, so what’s the point?

 

He doesn’t have to pay too much attention to the kids, though, only needs to really check on the crying when it’s unusually loud, so at least that’s an upside to getting called in on his day off. The time in between the tears he sits there on the wobbly plastic chair next to the entrance of the castle, all alone with his thoughts, which are, to no one’s surprise, a mess.

 

So maybe the lack of things to do -- lack of distractions -- actually isn’t that great, after all.

 

(Will he ever catch a break? Probably not.)

 

The minutes drag on at what feels like half speed, leaving too much time for him to fill. There are so many thoughts fighting for his attention, and he has a hard time trying to decide which ones to listen to -- what he  _should_ do, or what he  _wants_ to do. Because those are two very different things at this point, probably always was, even though he tried to convince himself otherwise. And while he might not be able to fully make up his mind yet, he can’t just stay still in one place either. He needs to move.

 

He’s well aware of how close he is to falling, and drunk him from yesterday was seriously considering just taking that last step, too tired of the battle inside and all the unanswered questions to bother giving the consequences much thought. Or, at least not the  _negative_ ones.

 

It had been so tempting last night. To just say  _fuck it_. Let go, let himself fall over the edge.

 

He’s not as eager to do it now, though, without the alcohol clouding his mind and pushing all his rational thinking into a corner. Now, no matter how small that move might be, he also knows that when he gets to that point, there’s no turning back. No way to go back and change his mind once he crosses that line.

 

And there’s  _so much_ on the line.

 

“Hey!”

 

Isak looks up to find Elias stepping out of the back door of the building containing the main part of the campsite’s range of activities. At the sight of him, Isak can’t help but let out a deep breath of relief, beyond done with this station and more than ready to move on to another one. Preferably one where the time actually moves forward like it’s supposed to.

 

Elias gives him a bright but slightly surprised smile as he walks up to him. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Dying,” Isak groans, tiredly letting his head fall into his hands for a moment, then meeting Elias’ eyes again. “Had to cover for Mahdi.”

 

Elias frowns. “What’s he doing?”

 

“I don’t know,” Isak says as he gets out of the chair, stretching out his back in an attempt to get rid of the pain caused by sitting in that uncomfortable piece of furniture for too long. “He’s probably hungover from yesterday,” he guesses, making Elias laugh.

 

“Ohhh, that sucks. But last night might’ve been one of the best ones yet.”

 

Isak nods faintly. “Yeah, it was pretty nice.”

 

Elias opens his mouth to say something, but Isak doesn’t have time to learn what before they’re interrupted by wailing coming from inside the castle. As the model employee he is, Elias sticks his head inside to make sure the kid is okay, and when he returns a silence takes over between the two of them. There’s something different in Elias’ eyes as he looks at him now, a kind of intensity that makes Isak feel as if he’s being inspected.

 

Only Isak has no idea what Elias might be looking for.

 

It feels like at least five minutes but it’s not actually longer than a few seconds later when Elias starts up the conversation again.

 

“I saw you talked to Even?”

 

And okay. That’s not what Isak had expected him to say at all.

 

“Huh?”

 

“At the party?” Elias elaborates, raising an eyebrow at him.

 

“Oh, yeah. A little bit.”

 

Elias glances at the bouncy castle for a moment before turning back. “What do you think about him?”

 

“What?” Isak asks, getting even more confused. And suspicious, because this whole conversation is starting to get a little weird now.

 

“What do you think about him?” Elias repeats, and Isak immediately goes into full defense mode.

 

_He doesn’t know. There’s no way he could possibly know. Play it cool. Be chill._

 

(Too bad that’s an area Isak could use some more skills in.)

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Elias shrugs. “Nothing, I was just…” he trails off, then tries again. “You left the party together.”

 

_Oh, fuck._

 

Judging by the tone of Elias’ voice and the expectant expression on his face, Isak is pretty sure he knows exactly what he’s implying. And if Elias came to that conclusion, that means that the chances of someone else doing it too is quite high.  _Too_ high.

 

He has enough people he has to convince of being wrong when they accuse him of liking Even, and it’s getting tiring. Adding to that number is more than he has the energy to deal with.

 

(Or maybe the lack of energy is rather because his mind is trying to tell him that he actually doesn’t want to keep doing that at all.)

 

 _Nope._  Okay. Time to go back to one thing Isak actually is good at. Denial.

 

“Yeah, I mean, we’re friends, so…” he starts, but there’s still a frown on Elias face, so he raises his eyebrows at him in question. “Is that weird, or…?”

 

Elias shakes his head. “No, no. I was just wondering.” He pauses again, and it’s long enough that Isak assumes the conversation is over, instead trying to remember where’s he’s supposed to be working next so he’ll go to the right place. But then Elias speaks again, and it gets worse.

 

“So... you like him?”

 

Now, this is a tricky question. His initial reaction is to deny everything, but he manages to stop the impulse before he blurts out something he doesn’t mean. Because he can’t say no. Not only would it sound very rude, especially since Elias and Even are such close friends, but it would also be an outright lie, and a big one at that. However, he can’t say yes either, lest Elias would interpret that as something else, something  _more_ , than what Isak means.

 

( _Yes_ , that’s what he means. Maybe not deep down, maybe not when he lets his mind run free, when he’s too tired to stop it from doing whatever it wants. But as far as Elias is concerned, then yes. It is.)

 

So he has to find some sort of middle way.

 

Isak licks his lips before answering, stalling for just a few more seconds. “I wouldn’t be friends with someone if I didn’t like them.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Of course,” Elias agrees, nodding along as he talks. Then he flips the conversation around, doing a one-eighty so quickly Isak barely manages to keep up, almost unable to even register his words. “Well, it’s time for me to take over here, so you’re free! At least from the castle.”

 

Isak lets out a deep sigh. “ _Finally_. But I’m going to the beach to deal with the pedal boats and all that now. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.”

 

“It’s more…” Elias trails off as he tries to find the right word, “ _eventful_ , at least.”

 

“So better, then.”

 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be so fast to judge,” Elias grins, taking a seat and sending a quick glance towards the bouncy castle. “You’ll probably miss the quiet sooner rather than later.”

 

“You call this quiet?” Isak asks incredulously, gesturing in the direction of the squealing laughter coming from the kids.

 

Elias laughs again. “Man, this is  _nothing_ compared to the noise of a middle aged woman arguing with you about the  _unreasonable_ prices for renting canoes.”

 

Isak groans, then takes out his phone to check the time, only to realise that he needs to get a move on unless he wants to risk getting called out for being late by whoever is currently dealing with the boats. He raises a hand at Elias in goodbye, then starts to walk towards the beach.

 

The few minutes it takes for him to get there feel like the calm before a possible storm, and Isak tries to take advantage of the stillness. Using it to breathe, trying to gather up the strength to make it through the next few hours of work.

 

The closer he gets to the boats, however, the more he starts to dislike this whole pause. Because his thoughts don’t listen, don’t want to relax at all, instead doing the exact opposite. Just as they did at the bouncy castle, the lack of distractions here are making them louder, and much harder to ignore.

 

He can’t stay in this stalemate forever. He knows that. He can’t stay in this place when nothing will ever happen. But at the same time, does he really want to make a move and risk getting hurt? Risk losing something that means too much, too fast.

 

He can’t.

 

However, not knowing might actually be worse than potential heartbreak.

 

And despite that that’s the way he’s been imagining it so far, it’s not really a question of all of nothing. The next step doesn’t have to be  _the_ step. The final step. Instead, what he perceived as one step could be divided into several smaller ones, making them much less terrifying to consider. Making them seem like ones he can actually take.

 

Because the thing is, it’s really stupid to make a decision if you don’t have all the information first. At least if you want it to be a good one, which Isak very much does want. So before doing anything else, before going in circles about whether or not he should put all his cards on the table, he needs to get a better view of the situation. He needs to figure out his chances of winning before making the final move, before showing anyone his hand.

 

Now the problem is just  _how_.

 

As Isak’s feet take their first steps onto the sand, the grains instantly finding their way into his sneakers, he almost  _wishes_ to be involved in a verbal fight with a guest about something --  _anything_ \-- preferably as soon as possible, just to avoid being alone with his thoughts.

 

He’s had enough of that for one day.

 

 

**Søndag 9/7 - kl. 15.58**

 

For someone who was supposed to have the whole weekend off, Isak sure spends a lot of time at the campsite. He’s not actually that surprised about it, it’s just that this wasn’t what he had envisioned these two days to look like. Preferably he wouldn’t have left his bed at all until Monday morning, but apparently the universe had other plans. Unlike yesterday, the reason for him being there today is mostly his own choice, though, so he has no one to blame but himself.

 

However, what his distracted brain had forgotten about was the pretty big possibility of him running into Even here. Which is exactly what happens.

 

He’s one of the first things Isak sees as he gets off his bike by the west entrance, and Isak takes a second to thank his five-seconds-ago self for dismounting the bike at the moment he did, for doing it  _before_ catching sight of Even, because had it been the other way around, then he doesn’t know how well he would have handled that action. For all he knows he could’ve just as well been lying on the ground by now after crashing his bike into any possible obstacle existing in the space between him and Even.

 

 _Even_ , who is sitting on a bench by the parking lot and having what looks to be a pretty heated conversation with someone on the phone. Despite this, he still notices Isak almost immediately, his expression softening for a short while before it quickly turns back to irritation again, and  _fuck_. Isak doesn’t know what to do.

 

Aside from a few texts yesterday, they haven’t talked since the party. The party which Isak has a hard time remembering all of, but where he’s pretty sure he made a fool of himself. If nothing else, he definitely knows he had some communication problems.

 

(Surprise.)

 

He really wants to explain himself to Even, try to make sure they’re all good, but at the same time, talking about it is the last thing he wants. Knowing him, he’ll probably just find a way to make it all worse.

 

No,  _stop_.

 

This was supposed to be the start of the time of his life where he would try to get answers, instead of just continuing to ask questions and coming to far-fetched conclusions all by himself without any proof to back them up.

 

So, despite how much his mind is trying to convince him to keep walking, to avoid the situation until he can’t anymore, he forces himself to stay put. He walks his bike closer to the bench, then drops it carelessly to lean somewhat successfully against the hedge facing the parking lot, and then takes a seat next to Even.

 

(Too close.)

 

It only takes another couple of seconds before Even ends the call, letting out a sigh and sliding down a few inches on the bench. As if the air just left him and he can’t keep himself upright any longer.

 

“Hi,” Isak starts, his voice quiet as he tries to judge the mood. “You okay?”

 

Even sighs again before answering. “Yeah, it’s fine. Just... things not working out as I thought they would.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Isak begins, not really knowing what to say. He has so many questions he wants to vocalize but they all tangle up in each other and he has no idea where to start. He also doesn’t want to push Even into talking about something he’s not comfortable with, so he lets the subject drop. At least for now.

 

Instead, he decides to bring up the thing that’s been bothering him since Friday, to get it out of the way before he can change his mind again. Taking a deep breath, Isak tries to force his insecurities out along with the exhale. He can do this.

 

“Uh-”

 

“Nice bike,” Even interrupts, and Isak blinks at him in surprise at first, then quickly glances at his bike before turning back to face Even with a snort.

 

“Yeah, right. It’s like two seconds from falling apart.”

 

Even laughs then, and for a moment everything feels okay. They don’t need to talk about anything. Why should Isak ruin things by talking about the past? Everything is great.

 

Except then the laughter dies out and it’s followed by a silence so loud that Isak wants to run again. But he won’t. This is worth any discomfort Isak might feel, is worth taking that step for. Start getting closer to some answers.

 

“Uh,” Isak starts again, feeling a lump in his throat as he swallows. Pushes past it. “I wanted to say sorry about Friday.”

 

Even looks up at him with a frown. “What?”

 

“You know, at the party,” Isak elaborates. “I mean, I don’t even remember all that happened but I’m pretty sure I said some stupid things, so…” he pauses, glancing at Even as he continues. “I’m sorry.”

 

He has to force himself not to look away, keeping his eyes focused on Even’s to show the sincerity of his words. And even though he feels like he doesn’t deserve it, Even, of course, just smiles at him.

 

“Isak, I already told you, it’s okay. I know what you meant.”

 

“Really?” Isak asks, the doubt still a lingering presence. He needs to be sure about this. Or, at least as sure as possible.

 

“Yes, really,” Even affirms, and his voice sounds so genuine that Isak finally manages to relax a little. The calm feeling disappears only seconds later, though, when Even leans closer and nudges their shoulders together. It’s over before he knows it, but Isak feels like his whole arm is on fire. That small touch is also the only thing his brain needs to remind him of his real mission when it comes to Even.

 

To try to find out if this is a one-way street or if there’s a possibility of oncoming traffic.

 

“Don’t worry about that, okay?” Even adds as he adjusts his position on the bench, sitting up a bit straighter now.

 

“Okay,” Isak mumbles, glancing at Even, who is smiling at him again, even brighter now, but then his expression abruptly shifts into one of confusion.

 

“Wait, why are you here? I thought you had today off?”

 

It feels like Isak’s brain shuts down for a moment after that, almost unable to make sense of those words. Even knows his schedule? Or did he just look at the notice board in the staff room to see who was gonna be there for the day? But even if it is as simple as that, he still had to put specific focus on Isak to remember that he wasn’t working today. Why would he do that? Why, why, why--

 

Seriously.  _Stop_.

 

Or at least  _slow down_.

 

There are several ways to explain this, all of which are more or less at the same level when it comes to being plausible or not. Even  _could_ have memorised Isak’s schedule. He _could_ have specifically put enough time and effort on Isak’s name -- or, in this case, the lack of it -- to remember he wouldn’t be there. Or, maybe the reason is just as simple as Even having a great memory. Isak doesn’t know.

 

He doesn’t know enough about Even to be able to fairly judge which one of these explanations would be the right, or even the most likely, one. Which is why he also needs to stop his mind from running too far with things. Yes, the answer to this particular question might be the one he wants. But it could just as well be something else. He needs to keep both aspects, as well as anything in between, in mind. If he disregards something without enough proof to back up that decision, it’s going to fuck up this whole thing.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Isak says, clearing his throat before elaborating, trying to get his mind back on track. “I’m just meeting Jonas. We’re gonna get some food and the campsite is on my way there so I thought I could just meet him here.”

 

“That’s nice. Where are you going?”

 

Isak opens his mouth to answer, but is beaten to it.

 

“Kebabs, man!” comes Jonas’ voice, and next thing Isak knows, he feels a small puff of wind run through his hair, followed by a strand falling down to grace his cheek, no longer held in place by his snapback.

 

The snapback which Jonas is now making a show of putting on his own head as he steps into view, sending a smirk in Isak’s direction when he’s done.

 

“Hey!” Isak protests, but Jonas ignores him, instead turning to the other person on the bench.

 

“Hi, Even.”

 

“Hi,” Even laughs, and Isak hits him lightly on his arm for finding this amusing.

 

“Don’t laugh at him when he’s being a dick.”

 

Jonas rolls his eyes, but doesn’t protest. “You ready to go?” he asks, facing Isak again to direct his question at him.

 

“As soon as you give me my cap back,” Isak tells him, but he follows his words by getting up from the bench nonetheless.

 

Jonas frowns at him. “What? It’s  _mine_!”

 

“No, it’s not?”

 

“It is! You borrowed it like a year ago and then just claimed it as your own?”

 

Isak firmly shakes his head. “Lies."

 

“You know,” Even starts, interrupting them. Which is a good thing, because otherwise they could very well be here arguing about this until sunset. “I’ve gotta say I think it fits Jonas better.”

 

Isak’s mouth drops open in offense, immediately changing his mind. Getting interrupted by Even was  _not_ a good thing. “And here I thought we were friends, what the fuck Even?”

 

Even shrugs, but the small smile on his lips dispels any nonchalance indicated by that move. “I’m just telling you what I see.”

 

“Even knows what’s up,” Jonas agrees.

 

“Even knows  _nothing_. You’re both delusional,” Isak tells them, then turns to get his bike out of where it has sunk halfway into the hedge by now. When he finally manages to get it out, after receiving a scratch on his hand that hurt way more than he ever expected from a small twig, he faces Jonas again. “Whatever, let’s go.”

 

“Great.”

 

It’s only now that Isak realises there’s only one bike in sight, Jonas unexpectedly not having his by his side. “Where’s your bike?”

 

Jonas just shakes his head. “Flat tire. Had to take the bus this morning.”

 

“Sucks,” Isak says, but seeing as Jonas is not only a thief, but also a fucking liar, Isak doesn’t actually feel that sorry for him. “You okay with walking, or should I leave my bike-”

 

“What? I thought you could bike and I could just sit on the back of it,” Jonas says, pretending to look offended that Isak thought anything else.

 

Isak snorts. “You wish.”

 

Jonas lets out a small laugh. “Nah, let’s just walk. It’s not that far,” he says, then turns to Even, who’s been silently watching their banter, still sitting on the bench with an amused smile on his face. “You wanna come?”

 

“Oh,” Even blinks, looking as if he hadn’t expected them to bring him into the conversation again anytime soon. “Thanks, but I gotta get home.”

 

“Too bad,” Jonas says, pausing for a second to glance suspiciously at Isak before continuing. “I’m pretty sure Isak would’ve given  _you_ a ride, though.”

 

Isak sends him a death glare, because  _what the fuck?_

 

“Well damn, that does sound nice,” Even laughs, then follows it up with a bad attempt at a wink in Isak’s direction. Isak fucking hates him. “But I really can’t. Maybe next time?”

 

 _No,_ Isak thinks, because he’s not ready for Even to hang out with him and his friends yet. He knows his friends, and therefore he also knows that there’s no way that would end well for him. At least not at this point.

 

Jonas, to the surprise of no one, answers with an excited “Of course!” that has Even grinning at the both of them.

 

“ _Jonas_ ,” Isak snaps. “We gotta go now unless you want me to starve to death.”

 

Isak’s dramatics make Jonas roll his eyes, and Isak still has a clear view of it even though Jonas keeps his eyes directed towards Even. “Well, I guess we should go, then.” Jonas lets out an excessive sigh, then holds up a finger in defence. “ _Although_ , for the record, let me just say that I’m not completely sure I’m making the right decision here.”

 

Isak groans, then grabs Jonas’ arm to pull him away, hoping that by doing that he’ll also put a much needed end to this conversation. Jonas, however, looks like he wants to argue, so Isak pushes pointedly at Jonas’ shoulder to get him to start moving. Thankfully, he does.

 

“See you tomorrow,” Isak tells Even before he turns around and starts walking away from the campsite, Jonas dutifully getting into step with him. It’s not until the words are out of his mouth that he realises the implications behind them. By saying they’ll see each other the next day, he just revealed to Even that he knows he’ll be at work then. Meaning he’s just basically told Even he has paid enough time looking at the schedule -- looking at  _Even’s name_ on the schedule -- to remember he’s working tomorrow.

 

_Fuck._

 

His plan of getting answers  _before_ \-- maybe, hopefully? -- letting Even know about any feelings he has for him is apparently more difficult than he thought. It’s only been one day and he’s already fucking up.

 

But, well. At least there’s one sort of comfort to find in all of this; Even did sort of admit to possibly doing the exact same thing.

 

Isak could easily keep spinning this information, mixed with any explanation he can come up with, round and round and round until it’s nothing but a blur, until  _nothing_ makes sense anymore, but fortunately, he doesn’t get that far. Instead, Jonas lets out a laugh from somewhere to his right, dragging Isak back to reality where he instantly remembers Jonas’ complete and utter disregard of any kind of bro code only a few minutes ago, giving him something else to try to figure out.

 

“What the fuck, Jonas?” Isak exclaims, the words probably coming out a bit too hostile. It’s a good thing they’ve known each other for over a decade now, and that Jonas knows better than to take Isak’s anger to heart.

 

“‘Nothing happened’, my ass,” Jonas says instead, ignoring Isak’s outburst. “He’s practically heart eyes for you. Like, even more than I thought before.”

 

The comment is so unexpected it takes Isak a second to process it. “ _What?_ No, he’s not,” Isak argues. Because there are no facts to back up Jonas’ statement, so he can’t listen to the part of him that wants to grab onto those words and accept them as the truth. “You need to check your eyes, man.”

 

“Maybe  _you_ need to check  _your_ eyes.”

 

Isak doesn’t reply, just keeps walking, his eyes down on the ground. Much like his thoughts, the front wheel of his bike also keeps spinning, the spokes creating an uneven pattern that combined with the movement quickly makes him dizzy. He glances at Jonas to get a break from them and reduce the risk of him falling over. However, that just makes the annoyance come back.

 

“Why did you even invite him?”

 

Jonas meets his eyes, expression full of disbelief. “He’s your friend?!”

 

“I guess,” Isak concedes, letting out a tired sigh and feeling most of his irritation leaving with it. “But it’s just… I don’t know. Weird.”

 

“The only reason you think it’s weird is because you  _make_ it weird. Just chill.”

 

If it only were that easy.

 

They walk in silence for a moment after that, and Isak’s eyes stray back to the wheel. He doesn’t like looking at it, doesn’t like the way it makes his head spin, but at least he can understand it. He knows what the feeling is and why it’s there. And he knows how to put an end to it if it gets too much. Facts. Black on white. No room for any questions.

 

The buzzing against his thigh is unmistakable, and Isak’s reflexes kick in, causing him to stop so quickly he almost loses his grip on the bike. Jonas comes to a stop a second later, then turns to watch as Isak fishes his phone out of his pocket.

 

“I bet you that’s from him,” Jonas says, and Isak  _would_ argue that it’s not. Only… it  _is_.

 

**Even - 16.08:**

I was just kidding. It looks way better on you ;)

 

Just seeing the name of the sender brings an involuntary smile to Isak’s face, and the content of the message does nothing but increase it, leaving no doubts about whether or not Jonas’ comment was right.

 

“It is, isn’t it?” he asks anyway, but Isak just mumbles a distracted “Shut up” in return, already typing out his reply.

 

**16.08**

I’m not talking to you anymore

**16.08**

But true

 

**16.08**

Why not?

 

**16.09**

You’re being rude

 

**16.09**

I just said you look better! How is that rude?

 

**16.09**

Because you lied at first!

**16.09**

How am I supposed to know what’s the truth now?

 

**16.10**

You want the truth?

 

_Does he?_

 

On one hand, that’s the only thing he wants. That’s the one thing he’s ever wanted, despite sometimes being too terrified of the answer to actually ask the question.

 

( _Why are you leaving? Are you ever coming back? What’s wrong with her?_

 

_Because he’s a selfish asshole. No. Nothing._

 

Because nothing is fucking  _wrong_. It’s just different. Just something she needs help with.

 

And Isak. He left her like that.

 

He left, he left, he left, he--

 

He came back. He came back and it’s okay, because he came  _back_. And it’s okay now. It’s okay.)

 

And now it’s been years, and he still he has so many questions, so many answers he wants to be made of nothing but truth. He wants to know, now. So tired of being kept in the dark.

 

But on the other hand, he’s still scared. Because being told the truth can go in so many directions, and his mind unconsciously zones in on all the downsides of it. The truth can be painful. It can break you, tear you apart, leave you with nothing.

 

But.

 

But, it can also do something else. It can turn on a light, show you new things, provide you with information you really need. It can give you everything you want.

 

How do you know which way it will go?

 

Down or up.

 

Up or down.

 

Does it matter?

 

Just take the step. Get the answers.

 

_You’ll never know unless you try._

 

**16.11**

Yes

 

The bubble with the three dots appear right away, stays there for what feels like an eternity, but then it’s gone. It reappears a few times, quicker this time, before disappearing completely. Isak doesn’t know when, but he’s come to a standstill again, staring at the space where Even’s reply  _isn’t_ , as if he’s trying to bring it into existence by the force of will.

 

Jonas kicks the front wheel of his bike to get his attention, directing a concerned frown at him in question. Isak blinks, then sends one last glance down at his phone -- still no reply -- before muting it completely. Because he doesn’t want to know anymore. He knows he’s going to be on edge and jump at every vibration if he keeps them on. Complete silence is better. Then he can’t be tempted to check, and inevitably be disappointed when it’s not what he wants it to be. From who he wants it to be.

 

So. After changing the sound settings, he puts the phone back in his pocket and resumes their walk to the kebab place.

 

+

 

With the help of Jonas and his seemingly never-ending supply of -- more or less interesting -- stories, Isak manages to forget about the whole Even thing until after they’ve finished eating. He pulls out his phone with no other intention than to look at the time, but as it turns out, the notification right beneath the clock catches all his attention. Keeping it stuck there like they’re the opposite sides of two magnets.

 

**Even - 16.25:**

I think you already know

 

And Isak can’t help it, but he almost lets out a disbelieving laugh when he reads those words. They couldn’t have been further from the truth if they tried, because what  _is_ the truth is this: Isak knows absolutely nothing right now.

 

 

**Mandag 10/7 - kl. 12.38**

 

The storeroom still looks like it’s been hit by a hurricane, despite the multiple opportunities Isak has had of cleaning it up. Things are lying in haphazard piles, covering all flat surfaces he can see. To be fair, though, he’s not the only one who comes in here. Someone else could have cleaned it up, too. It’s not only on him.

 

Unfortunately, based on experience and what little he does know about his colleagues, he’ll most likely have to do it himself anyway. If no one has done it by now, then chances are that no one cares enough about the state of the room to ever make an effort to clean it up.

 

Isak is just so unbelievably tired of being surrounded by the chaos of his thoughts that he would do anything to not have to deal with it in the storeroom as well. It’s just too bad that that ‘anything’ excludes actually cleaning it up himself.

 

As he’s contemplating whether or not he could convince Jonas to do it, Isak catches sight of a shovel leaning against the right wall, and then his thoughts instantly turn back to the accident. Daniel hasn’t come back yet, but Isak heard someone mention his return in the lunchroom last week, and according to them it shouldn’t be long before he’s here.

 

Isak studies the shovel for a moment, then scans over the rest of the room, wondering, not for the first time, how the fuck Daniel had managed to get hit in the head by one -- hard enough to require a trip to the emergency room, no less. It doesn’t make any sense. It shouldn’t be possible.

 

“Isak!”

 

The unexpected noise makes Isak jump, almost dropping the can of paint he’s holding in one hand, which had been the reason for him entering the storeroom in the first place. When he turns he finds himself face to face with Even, who’s striding up the sidewalk towards him.

 

“Fuck! Don’t sneak up on people.”

 

“Sorry,” Even says, but he doesn’t really look it. “Have you had your lunch break yet?”

 

“No, I was just gonna put some things back in here,” Isak says, gesturing to the items in his hands, “and then go eat.”

 

“Okay, good. Because I want to show you something.”

 

Isak frowns at him, a bit sceptical. “Again? When are you gonna stop dragging me away to random places?”

 

“Never,” Even grins.

 

Isak shakes his head in an attempt to hide his own smile. “Okay, but can you wait like five minutes so I can finish this first?”

 

“Of course,” Even nods, distractedly looking around the storeroom. Then he suddenly stops, meeting Isak’s eyes again. “Actually, I forgot something. Meet me by the shop when you’re done?”

 

“Okay, sure,” Isak shrugs, aiming for casual, but he can feel his heart beating noticeably faster than it did just a minute ago. Only because of the mere thought of spending time with Even.

 

(He’s so fucking  _fucked_.)

 

Even grins at him again before turning around, leaving Isak to watch him walk away. As he does, he notices the backpack Even is carrying, which instantly brings up a whole new wave of questions. Ones that Isak is  _not_ going to over-analyze, thanks very much.

 

It takes Isak less time than he thought to put away the things in their right places (or, considering the state of the room, it’s not as much the  _right_ place as it is  _any_ place where he’ll hopefully be able to find them again the next time he needs them). The small amount of time needed to complete the task might be due to him being an expert at navigating through the mess of the storeroom by now. Or, it could be because he has something much more exciting to do after this, which in turn might make him rush through it a bit faster than he usually does. Who knows.

 

Despite Isak being done faster than he expected, Even is already by the shop when Isak turns a corner and it falls into his sight. As he makes his way over, Isak watches Even where he is, crouched down next to the bench, running his hands through the thick fur of the grey cat -- which, based on the way it keeps stretching out and showing its stomach for Even to pet, seems to be enjoying itself. It should come as a surprise, seeing as Isak still hasn’t seen anyone come within a two meter radius of it at any time. But this is Even. Of course that rule doesn’t apply to him.

 

As soon as he sees Isak coming, a bright smile forms on his face and he nods excitedly towards the cat.

 

“Look at this, we’re practically best friends by now!”

 

“I can tell,” Isak says as he comes up to them, and the cat must have heard him coming, because despite lying on its back with its eyes facing the opposite direction, it still reacts to Isak’s presence by rolling over, then starting to leave in no time, fur bouncing as it moves to disappear around the corner of the shop.

 

Even pouts exaggeratedly at Isak as he stands up.

 

“ _Aww_ , I wanted to keep doing that. Preferably for the rest of my break.”

 

“And here I thought you were waiting for me so you could ‘ _show me something_ ’,” Isak says, complete with air quotes as well as a -- according to himself -- rather good impression of Even’s voice.

 

“Maybe I wanted to show you the cat,” Even says, gesturing towards the space where the cat had last been seen.

 

Isak raises an eyebrow. “I’ve already  _seen_ the cat, Even.”

 

“Okay. Then I guess that’s it,” Even shrugs, but Isak can see the smile he’s fighting hard to hold back.

 

“Yeah, right. Come on. I don’t have all day.”

 

Even keeps it up for an impressive five seconds, then the smile breaks out. “Fine. Let’s go,” he says, then he turns around and starts walking, not even looking back to see if Isak is following him.

 

Which he is, obviously.

 

He always is.

 

Isak quickly reduces the distance between them, then walks quietly alongside Even until they reach the familiar path leading through the forest towards the beach.

 

He sends a sceptical glance at Even, who is trying to push away some branches of the first bush blocking their way. “You  _do_ realise I’ve already seen the beach too, right? Like,  _I_ was the one who showed it to  _you_.”

 

“We’re not going to the beach.”

 

“Okay?” Isak furrows his brows in confusion. “Then where are we going?”

 

Even turns to him with a laugh. “Oh, my god. Every time? You’re worse than a kid.”

 

“Hey!” Isak protests, but Even ignores him.

 

“You’ll know when we get there, which will be in like  _two minutes_. Can you wait that long?”

 

Isak rolls his eyes at him. “Just keep going.”

 

And Even does, after letting out another small laugh. He takes them deeper into the forest, still following the path that leads to the beach, and Isak just gets more and more confused with each step because if they aren’t going to the beach, then  _where_? There isn’t anything else to see over here.

 

About halfway to the beach, however, Even steps off the path and onto a much smaller one that veers off to the left. One that Isak has never even seen before. Which might not be that weird, seeing as it  _is_ tiny -- and Isak has this thing about not being the best at paying attention -- but still.

 

This new path is a lot less smooth than the other one, and Isak almost trips at least twice during the walk that probably doesn’t last more than a minute. And when Even finally stops, he does so abruptly, making Isak end up only centimeters from crashing right into his back. Fortunately, his reflexes are still with him, and he manages to avoid any contact between them.

 

(And yes, a small part of him might mourn the missed opportunity to casually touch Even, but he’s not gonna think about that. He needs to focus on the  _facts_ , damn it.)

 

He’s still standing way too close to Even to be socially acceptable in this situation though, and when Even turns around he looks surprised at the lack of space. Isak hurries to take a much needed step backwards, awkwardly clearing his throat in the hopes that it will also clear away the tension that is suddenly surrounding them, one that feels big enough to be able to fill the entire forest.

 

There are a few seconds of silence before Even’s expression shifts into a smile. “Aaand… we’re here!” he announces, gesturing towards one of the bigger trees in front of them. Isak’s eyes follow the movement and land on what looks to be a rather half-hearted attempt at a tree house about three or four meters above the ground.

 

“Are you still awake?” Even adds, and Isak rolls his eyes at him again.

 

“How did you even find this?”

 

“I use my eyes to actually look at my surroundings instead of staring at the ground or off into space, like some other people.”

 

_Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet._

 

Yeah. Isak  _really_ needs to make a conscious effort to get better at that.

 

“Shut up,” he says instead, but Even just laughs.

 

“Come on.”

 

Even waves a hand for him to follow, then turns around and walks over to the trunk of the tree, grabbing ahold of a thick branch just above his head and putting one foot on another one further down, starting to climb. After finding a place to put his other foot, he manages to get up far enough for one of his hands to reach the small platform that forms the floor of the tree house, and then it doesn’t take long until he’s all the way up.

 

Isak, on the other hand, is still just standing there staring at him in disbelief, and he doesn’t snap out of it until Even’s voice breaks the silence.

 

“Are you coming?”

 

Isak raises his eyebrows at him, staying put for another moment as he mentally runs through the list of pros and cons of joining Even, before reluctantly making his way over. It’s not that he doesn’t  _want_ to get up there. It’s just that he doesn’t know how the fuck he’s supposed to do whatever it was Even just did, because that shit looked close to impossible. At least if your name is Isak and you have a history of losing about half of your brain cells when in close proximity to a certain Even Bech Næsheim.

 

Moving the short distance over to the tree goes smoothly enough, but once there he realises that this tree has even fewer branches for him to climb on than he had initially thought. However, after yet another ten seconds of doing nothing but trying to gather enough will do to this, he grabs onto the same branch Even used, then somehow also manages to get one foot up, and pulls himself off the ground.

 

He gets his other foot up as well, but that’s when the real problem makes itself known. Because while Even made the next step look easy, Isak realises that there’s no way he’s going to be able to reach the floor from here.

 

Something Even seems to realise as well.

 

“Sorry,” he says, laughter evident in his voice. Isak glares at him. “I forgot how short you are.”

 

“Fuck off, we’re practically the same height! Just help me,” Isak demands.

 

Even slowly shakes his head at him, as if he finds this whole thing amusing, then scoots closer to the edge of the floor to hold out a hand for Isak to grab onto.

 

Even’s grip is strong as he pulls Isak upwards, and thanks to Isak finding new branches to put his feet on and using them to push himself higher, he finally climbs onto the platform. When he turns over to sit down, there’s nothing but one single thought in his head.

 

_Why do they keep end up holding hands?_

 

_(And why can Isak’s brain never be chill about that fact?)_

 

“Thanks,” Isak mumbles, turning his head to look out at the view from up there, just to get a short break from Even in at least the visual aspect of things. Maybe then he’ll manage to force his mind to calm down. Unfortunately the view consists of trees, trees, and --  _you guessed it!_ \-- even more trees, and it does close to nothing when it comes to distracting his thoughts.

 

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Even tells him, and Isak can’t look away anymore. He  _has_ to face him to make sure Even can see the eye roll Isak directs at him.

 

“Nice place,” Isak comments anyway, because he does have manners, okay. Those extend to being a guest in half finished tree houses as well, apparently. (Even though the words might be laced with just a  _tiny_ hint of sarcasm.)

 

“Thanks. I’m still waiting for the furniture to be delivered, so I’m afraid the floor will have to do for now.”

 

Isak snorts, but plays along. “You should’ve planned better. Ordered things earlier, or whatever.”

 

“Yeah,” Even nods. “I’ve gotta do that next time. Make sure I at least have chairs before I invite people over.”

 

Isak hums, glancing pointedly at where there would normally be a roof but he’s instead met with the sight of a bright blue sky. “Probably should’ve built a roof, too.”

 

“Damn. How did I forget a roof?” Even jokes, pretending to look shocked. “Where were you when I drew the blueprints and planned all of this? I really could’ve used someone smart to help me.”

 

Isak shrugs. “Sorry, I’ve just been really busy.”

 

“Doing what?”

 

“Not building tree houses.”

 

“No? What about a cabin, then?”

 

“Too small. I’ll settle for nothing less than a mansion.”

 

“Oh, right, of course. Well, then. Expect my call the next time I’m thinking of building one.”

 

Isak just shakes his head at Even, but the grin on Even’s face makes it impossible for Isak not to smile back.

 

_Slow. Down._

 

Even reaches over to where he put his backpack, probably right after he got up on the floor, then opens it up to take out a striped blanket which he starts to spread out on the platform. There isn’t much space up there, so -- after making Isak move about three times to get the blanket out -- almost the whole floor gets covered in blue and green stripes.

 

When he’s finished, Even takes a seat again, and that’s when Isak comes to a realisation; the lack of room up here is definitely going to be a problem. Judging by the size of it and a general assumption about the most common tree house user, this was built with someone much smaller in mind, and while Isak tries his best not to let their legs touch, it won’t take much of a movement from either of them for that effort to be in vain.

 

Even though the blanket must have taken up more than half the space of Evens backpack, he still pulls out a few more things from there and places them between the two of them.

 

Two bottles of coke (“I would’ve brought beer but, you know. We’re still at work.”), at least five different kinds of chocolate bars (“I didn’t know what you liked, so…”), a few napkins, and then, two sandwiches, each wrapped up in plastic wrap to keep all the contents from falling out of the bread. Just the sight of it all makes Isak acutely aware of just how hungry he actually is.

 

And also of how he did not expect this.  _At all_.

 

“You brought food?”

 

Even raises an eyebrow. “This is your lunch break, isn’t it? Of course I brought food.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Isak just stares at the display in front of him for another moment, then his eyes stray to the blanket beneath them.

 

One, two, three, four, five, six.

 

Six stripes between his knee and Even’s thigh.

 

It’s almost nothing. It would be so easy to reduce that distance, and maybe. Maybe he could actually do it. Maybe he should try, just to test the waters a little. See what happens.

 

Fuck, this lack of space really makes his mind run with ideas that should not be tried out on impulse, ones that need more consideration before a decision is made. Or, maybe it’s actually the opposite. Maybe overthinking is what possibly ruins it.

 

_Fuck._

 

He’s contemplating whether or not to actually do it, staying completely still, until there is movement in the corner of his eye when Even reaches for one of the sandwiches. He blinks himself back to the present, and unconsciously grabs the other one. Any other move will have to wait, at least for now.

 

As he unwraps the plastic wrap, he studies the contents of the sandwich more closely, but, to be completely honest, he doesn’t really care that much about what’s on it. He could probably eat anything at this point, and the fact that  _Even_ brought this for him would most likely outweigh any distaste he might have for any of the toppings anyway. However, he doesn’t think he’ll need to test out either of those theories, because this looks pretty good. Especially when compared to the tedious leftovers from Friday that Isak had originally planned on having for lunch.

 

One bite is all it takes for him to come to the conclusion that the taste is even better than he had imagined.

 

“Fuck, this is good,” he mumbles between bites. “Did you get this from the shop?”

 

“No, it’s... uhm,” Even pauses, making Isak look up at him. He picks at the plastic wrap around his own sandwich before continuing. “I made them,” he says eventually, surprising Isak once more.

 

“Really? They’re great,” he says, and while ‘great’ doesn’t even begin to rightfully describe them, Isak can’t focus enough to find the right words at the moment.

 

He takes another bite of the sandwich instead, still looking at Even, who sends him a small smile that almost kills Isak on the spot.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Isak smiles back, then quickly adverts his eyes before this whole thing gets too far.

 

_Facts, facts, facts. Slow down._

 

They eat in silence for a while after that, but rather than making Isak’s mind try to compensate by making as much noise as possible, as it has been known to do before, it now unexpectedly produces a feeling of tranquility, and Isak actually feels himself starting to relax.

 

He has reduced the size of his sandwich by about half when Isak notices something unusual enough to make him pause before taking another bite. Even isn’t wearing his watch today. Isak doesn’t think he’s ever seen him without it before, and he’s just about to comment on it when he catches sight of something else.

 

“What’s this?” Isak asks, reaching out to point towards the thin piece of black string sitting in the place where Even’s watch usually is. Or, that’s what he intended to do, but the part of his brain sending out signals to the rest of his body is apparently faulty, ending up with him misjudging the distance and, instead of his finger stopping mid air, it touches the inside of Even’s wrist, right over the soft material of the string.

 

Withdrawing his hand as if it had been burnt -- which, honestly? It might as well have been. He wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, anyway -- Isak takes another bite of his sandwich to distract himself.

 

Even barely reacts to Isak’s touch, only raises his eyebrows at him as he asks “What? It’s a bracelet?”

 

Isak’s eyebrows draw together involuntarily, and Even lets out a laugh.

 

“What, you don’t like it? Isak, this is my nicest bracelet, and I paid good money for it. Can’t you see the beauty, the way it glitters in the sunlight, how-”

 

This time, there’s nothing accidental about the touch as Isak reaches over to shove at Even’s shoulder. “Asshole. It’s just a piece of string?”

 

Even laughs again, before getting more serious. “No, actually it’s not. Or, not  _only_.”

 

“Then what else is it?”

 

Even is silent for a moment, as if he’s trying to decide on what answer to give. He shifts his gaze towards the floor of the tree house, and Isak does too.

 

One, two, three, four.

 

Closer.

 

Even looks back up, and Isak meets his eyes.

 

“A reminder,” he settles on eventually.

 

 _Of what?_ Isak doesn’t ask. He wants to, but it feels like he would be intruding something if he did. Like that would be pushing too far. Maybe he’ll find out some other time. Maybe not. For now, he takes another route. “Does it work?”

 

This answer is markedly faster. “No.”

 

“No?”

 

Even shakes his head. “No,” he says, then pauses again. “I mean... not really. It did at first, but I’ve had it for over five years now, so I’m so used to it I barely even think about it anymore. It mostly just feels like a part of me, which I guess it is, in a way.”

 

“Oh,” Isak breathes. He doesn’t know what to say, Even’s words doing nothing but making his desire to know the whole story behind this grow stronger. He’s in the middle of replaying the words in his head when he stops at one specific part that causes a frown to appear on his face again. “Wait, you’ve had this for  _five years_?”

 

“Not the same one, idiot. But yeah.”

 

“That’s a long time.”

 

“Yeah,” Even sighs. Slowly, in what seems to be an unconscious move, he brings his other hand up to move the string back and forth around his wrist. “It is.”

 

Isak just nods distractedly, at a loss for words once more. If Even has been wearing a piece of string around his wrist for that long, that means it’s been there the whole time Isak has known him, hidden behind or beneath his watch. Or, it’s just been overlooked because of something more conspicuous.

 

He counts the stripes again.

 

Blue, green, blue.

 

It’s only a matter of centimeters by now, and that -- combined with the reminder that he was supposed to stop all the questions, stop all the uncertainty -- makes him come to a decision.

 

Fuck thinking things through.

 

It’s not that big of a move, but it feels like he’s about to move a mountain as he slowly, so as to not draw any attention, shifts his knee closer, all the way until it gently bumps into Even’s thigh. Then follows what feels like hours of Isak holding his breath as he waits for any reaction.

 

And Isak might be imagining things, because it’s not  _much_ , but he could swear Even pushes back, if only for a second.

 

 

**Tirsdag 11/7 - kl. 05.49**

 

Normally, Isak would complain about getting assigned an early shift since forcing him to wake up anytime before noon is never a good idea -- for  _anyone_. And it’s not as if he’s enjoying himself now, either, but he feels like if he’s going to complain about waking up early, he would have to actually fall asleep first so there’s something to wake up  _from_. As it is, no matter how long he lied there, no matter what he did or how much he tried, sleep is not something Isak experienced last night.

 

Living this far up north and having summers where the sun barely disappears might seem great. And it is. Up until that moment when it’s half past three in the morning and he hasn’t been able to fall asleep yet. The few hours of darkness they actually get have already passed at that point, and he can rarely relax enough to ignore the sunrise, so he had known right then that any further attempts at falling asleep would definitely be a lost cause. It would not happen. It had already been too light in his room and it would only get worse by the minute.

 

(He  _has_ heard of those things called blinds, okay -- even had some at one point. And yes, he should probably get some new ones but that requires time and effort, neither of which Isak possesses at the moment. At least not when it comes to this.)

 

“Isak?”

 

It’s a miracle he even hears Sana call his name, because he definitely hadn’t heard her come into the staff room. To be completely honest, he barely remembers getting here himself. He doesn’t show her any indication of hearing her, too tired to do anything other than tighten his grip on the cup of coffee on the table in front of him.

 

He can see Sana take a seat somewhere to his left, but it takes a moment of real effort for him to make his eyes focus on her. To make them refocus on something solid instead of the air in front of him.

 

“Hmm?”

 

Sana stays silent for a while, before nodding towards the cup in his hands. “I think that’s gonna do more good if you actually drink it, instead of just staring at it.”

 

“What?” Isak blinks, then looks down at his coffee. “Oh, yeah. You’re right,” he agrees, bringing it to his lips to take a sip, then immediately wincing at the taste. He could’ve sworn it was still hot less than a minute ago.

 

Sana notices his expression, of course, then frowns at him.

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

Isak tries to remember, but he has no idea. “Not that long,” he says, because that at least feels like the truth to him. Sana, however, just gives him a look. Isak sighs. “I don’t know, okay? I got here around five, maybe?”

 

“It’s ten to six now,” Sana tells him, and wait --  _what?_

 

Isak turns around to look at the clock on the wall behind him, surprised to find Sana’s words to be true. “Oh,” he breathes as he turns to glance out through the closest window. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he should’ve realised he’d been here longer than what it feels like. Even though it was far from dark when he got here, the increase of light in the room is unmistakable.

 

Time, in general, is constant, but the speed of it can still vary so much, and Isak gets it. He does.

 

What he doesn’t get is how there can be this big of a difference between the length of five minutes last night, and five minutes this morning. One dragging into hours and the other disappearing in a flash.

 

Isak lets out a breath, then returns to staring unseeingly into the black void of the coffee. He has it in a death grip by now, knuckles almost white as he clings to it as a point of reality.

 

The silence lasts for centuries before Sana’s voice cuts through it.

 

“You okay?”

 

Isak sighs again. “I’m fine,” he insists. “Just-- I didn’t sleep that much last night. But I’ll be fine once I get going.”

 

“Okay.” Sana doesn’t sound convinced, but she doesn’t push it either. She stands up, then pushes in her chair as she sends him another look. One he’s too tired to decipher. “Try not to let the sun loungers win today.”

 

Isak snorts, meeting her eyes, which are teasing now, something he’s much better at dealing with than the look from a few seconds ago, which was most likely inspecting and/or concerned. “Don’t worry. I know you would miss me too much.”

 

Sana shakes her head, but she’s smiling, and Isak can’t help but send her a tired, but genuine, smile back. She picks up a tea cup from the table in front of her -- when did she even get that? Did she drink it? How did Isak miss all of that? -- steps over to put it in the dishwasher, then moves towards the door to the stairwell, waving at Isak over her shoulder.

 

Isak guesses her leaving must mean he doesn’t have much time left before his shift starts, so he reluctantly gets up as well, making his way over to the sink to pour his cold coffee down the drain.

 

He’s just about to put his cup away next to Sana’s when he hears the door she just went through open again.

 

“Oh, hey! You got the 6 am, too?” Eva says as she steps up to hug him, sounding way too cheerful for this hour of the day.

 

“No, I’m just here for fun,” Isak tells her, making her roll her eyes.

 

“Yeah, I can tell. Did you even sleep?”

 

Isak shrugs. “I can sleep when I’m dead.”

 

“Well, by the look of it you’re almost there.”

 

“Fuck off,” Isak mutters as he turns back to open the dishwasher and places his cup inside.

 

“ _Jeez_. You’re this grumpy even  _after_ coffee? That’s gotta be a bad sign.”

 

“I didn’t drink any. Or, not  _much_. It got cold before I could finish it.”

 

Eva frowns at him. “What?  _How?_ What have you been doing?”

 

Isak shrugs again.

 

“Okay, well. Hold on,” Eva says, before disappearing into the small locker room. Isak glances at the clock again. Five fifty-eight.

 

It’s not long before Eva is back, this time without her jacket and backpack. “Well,  _I_ need coffee if I’m gonna survive the morning,” she tells him as she walks over to the coffee machine. Isak hums distractedly as his eyes stray to the windows. The north beach is visible over the roof of the restaurant, and Isak feels like giving up before he’s even started. He’s never in the mood to deal with the chairs, but this might be the least enthusiastic he’s felt about it in all these months working here.

 

One second Isak is staring at the horizon, trying to think about anything other than work, and the next his vision is blocked by a cup of steaming coffee.

 

“And so do you,” Eva says, holding the drink out for him to take. “Drink up.”

 

Isak would die for her. (Although if he did, then he wouldn’t get his coffee, making the whole gesture basically pointless. But whatever. It’s just a figure of speech, okay.) “Eva, you’re the best,” he declares, gratefully accepting the cup.

 

“I know. Now drink, and then go… do whatever it is you do.”

 

Isak groans. “Please don’t make me think about work. You know I have to fight the chairs this morning and I’m so not in the mood.”

 

“Are you ever?” Eva questions, making Isak glare at her. “I’m just saying! But hey, at least you get off early today. And lucky for you, so do I! So we could hang out later, maybe? If you want?”

 

“Uh, sure,” Isak nods. “I mean, as long as you don’t mind if I randomly just fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.”

 

“As usual then,” she teases, but Isak doesn’t bother answering, instead taking a sip of the best coffee he’s ever had. (That opinion might be slightly biased due to the circumstances and him comparing it to the awful one he had earlier, but still.) “Don’t worry. I’ll catch you if you fall,” Eva adds, then smirks at him. “At least nine times out of ten. No, but seriously. We can just chill. I’ve got you.” She holds out her fist to him, and, acting as if he’s just doing it to appease her, Isak bumps their fists together.

 

“Okay,” Isak smiles. He’s still exhausted and because of the involuntary all-nighter he pulled, he knows time is going to feel  _off_ the whole day. On top of that he also has a fight with the chairs to get through today. But, much like the light in the room, he feels a bit lighter now, too.

 

 

**Onsdag 12/7 - kl. 18.20**

 

Even might be the worst friend ever.

 

Okay, so, not  _seriously_. But at times, like right now for instance, a part of Isak almost regrets this whole friendship ever happening.

 

Even is supposed to be working, but for some reason he had decided to come and annoy Isak instead about ten minutes ago. After that, one thing led to another and now Isak is soaking wet. And  _not_ amused.

 

He can’t even remember how it started, but somehow Even had gotten ahold of the hose Isak was using, and the next thing Isak knew it was aimed right at him rather than at the flowers he was watering, not leaving any time for him to as much as blink before getting sprayed with the ice cold water. Luckily, it lasted no more than a couple of seconds, although that was still enough to make his stupidly green t-shirt cling to his body.

 

Even had insisted that it was all an accident, but Isak is one hundred percent sure that’s a lie. Especially since not even ten seconds later, Even turned the hose on again, once more hitting Isak straight on. After that followed another few minutes where Even attempted -- and, more than half of the time, also succeeded -- to hit Isak with the water while Isak fought as well as he could to get the hose back.

 

It took longer than he had hoped, but Isak had finally managed to get ahold of it, and that’s where he is now; looking as if he’s just come back from swimming with all his clothes on, and trying to finish watering the flowers while glaring half-heartedly at Even, who’s laughing at Isak’s misery. Asshole.

 

Even still hasn’t really stopped laughing a moment later when they’re joined by a certain three-year-old. Leon’s expression turns into a deep frown as he takes in Isak’s appearance.

 

“Why are you so wet?”

 

Isak loosens his grip on the handle on the hose to stop the flow of water, then sends one more glare in Even’s direction before answering. “Because Even is an idiot.”

 

“What?” Leon asks, glancing at Even and then back at Isak.

 

Even huffs out another laugh. “It’s because I was watering the flowers and then Isak was in my way,” he explains. And outright  _lies_. (Again.)

 

“That’s not what happened!” Isak exclaims. “Why are you lying to a little kid?”

 

“I’m not little!” Leon protests, pouting at Isak.

 

“How old are you?” Even asks him, and Leon seems to think for a moment, then holds up both hands in answer, all ten of his fingers spread out and pointing upwards.

 

Isak snorts. “Ten? You’re pretty small for a ten-year-old.”

 

“I’m  _not_ small!”

 

Even raises his eyebrows in question at Isak, as if asking him why he’s arguing with a small child -- which, yeah, he has a point -- then turns to Leon. “No, of course not,” he agrees.

 

“I’m three and three-quarters,” Leon says proudly. “I’m really big.”

 

“Yeah, sorry,” Isak concedes with an amused smile, before turning back to the flowers. The unfair, and mostly one-sided, water fight has put him a bit behind schedule, so he probably shouldn’t make it any worse by talking instead of doing his actual job.

 

“But your friend is bigger,” Leon adds after a moment, and Isak turns to face him again.

 

“Who?”

 

Leon just points at Even, and yeah, of course. Isak should’ve guessed.

 

Even smiles at Leon as he replies. “Yeah, just a little.”

 

Leon nods slightly, but his gaze is focused somewhere in the distance. Isak shares a look with Even, then has time to water about a meter of the hedge next to them before Leon speaks again.

 

“Is Bubble Fett nice or mean?”

 

“What?” Isaks asks at the same time Even says “Who?”

 

“Bubble Fett,” Leon repeats, looking from Isak over to Even. “He’s from Star Wars,” he elaborates, which doesn’t make things any clearer for Isak. Even, on the other hand, seems to catch on by now.

 

“Oh, you mean Boba Fett?”

 

“Yeah, Bubble Fett,” Leon says, nodding enthusiastically. “Is he nice or mean?”

 

Isak has no idea, and he doesn’t get to find out either -- at least not right then -- because when Even opens his mouth, assumedly to give Leon an answer, Isak catches sight of Daniel over by the main building, and he interrupts him before he can say anything.

 

“Fu-“ Isak clears his throat, stopping himself just in time. There’s a kid present. Right. “Hold on,” he tells them instead. “I’ll be right back.”

 

He doesn’t wait for an answer, just carelessly drops the hose before he starts walking, but he thinks he hears them say something when he leaves.  _What_ , he doesn’t know. He’s too focused on not losing sight of Daniel, determined to finally find out what circumstances had led up to the accident. To get some more answers. After all, he spends a lot of time in the storeroom himself, and any kind of precautions he could take to avoid a repeat of that incident, he wants to know about.

 

Daniel is just about to open the door to the shop when Isak catches up to him.

 

“Hey!”

 

Daniel turns around at the sound. “Oh, hey,” he smiles, before it quickly changes into a frown, which seems to be the default expression when faced with an Isak post impromptu water fight. “Why are you all wet?”

 

Isak waves a hand in the air. “Just... accident. How are you? How’s your head?”

 

“It’s fine. It looked a lot worse than it was.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Isak lets out a breath. “That’s good.”

 

Daniel hums. “Yeah, I guess. Still fucking hurt, though.”

 

“I bet.” Isak pauses for a few seconds as he tries to decide how to best ask his next question. “I was just… How did you manage to get hit by a shovel?”

 

There's a moment of silence before Daniel answers. “I don’t know, really,” he admits. “I was grabbing something from a shelf and I think it pulled down the shovel with it.”

 

That information only generates even more questions. Isak shakes his head in the hopes of also shaking off the confusion he’s feeling. “Wait, so the shovel was lying on a shelf?”

 

Daniel nods. Then pauses again. “I mean, I have no idea  _why_ , but yeah. I’m sure about that. But to be honest I can’t really remember much else. Maybe that’s because of the injury,” he starts, and... no. Isak knows where he’s going with this. He knows the end of that sentence but he doesn’t want to hear it.

 

Don’t say it.

 

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t-

 

“Or,” Daniel continues, and Isak closes his eyes, waits for the inevitable, “it could be because I was like... daydreaming or something when it happened, and didn’t pay attention to what I was doing.”

 

And there it is: exactly the answer Isak was afraid he would get. The confirmation he doesn’t even need. The proof that unless he gets his shit together, he’s most likely going to die before the summer is over, in one way or another.

 

 

**Torsdag 13/7 - kl. 17.42**

 

**How to get the guy - for dummies**

 

**Magnus**

fuck

BOYS!!!

Vilde’s party is tomorrow!!

 

**Mahdi**

We know

 

_you’ve already told us this like ten times_

_TODAY_

 

**Magnus**

ALSO it’s her birthday today

 

_And that like a million times_

 

**Mahdi**

at least

 

**Magnus**

yeah yeah

it’s important

you’re coming, right?

 

**Mahdi**

hopefully

 

_maybe if we’re lucky_

 

**Mahdi**

Does Vilde have any hot friends?

 

**Magnus**

funny

also Isak I’m guessing it’s gonna be a no for you

sure Even will probably be there but you’re still too scared to do shit

 

**Mahdi**

ohhh

TRUE

 

_fuck you I’m not scared_

_I just don’t want to fuck things up_

 

**Magnus**

sure whatever

anyway where’s Jonas?

JONAS

 

**Mahdi**

isn’t he working?

 

_He is_

 

**Magnus**

fuck

do you think he’s coming tomorrow?

I did tell him right? that the party is tomorrow?

but maybe he forgot

 

_oh my god_

_Relax_

_I’m pretty sure he knows_

 

**Magnus**

but not 100%?

 

**Mahdi**

dude

 

**Magnus named the group VILDE’S PARTY IS TOMORROW!!!.**

 

**Mahdi**

Just call him if you’re that desperate

Are you serious?

 

_Really???_

 

**Magnus**

???

what

 

_……_

 

**Mahdi**

you know about this cool invention called a phone?

 

**Magnus**

also i’m not desp shut up

 

**Mahdi**

it’s pretty new though

But you can use it to talk to people

 

**Magnus**

ha ha

 

_and guess what! You’re holding one in your hand right now_

 

**Magnus**

no I’m not

 

**Mahdi**

??

 

_Then how are you writing this_

 

**Magnus**

on my computer?

 

**Mahdi**

Who the fuck uses messenger on their computer

what year is this

 

**Magnus**

I needed to look some things up and my phone is on the other side of the room

and anyway

Jonas is still working so why would it help if I called him?

he still wouldn’t answer???

 

_Well then I guess you’ll just have to wait until he does_

 

**Jonas named the group zero chill.**

 

**Magnus**

FINALLY

it’s been hours

 

**Mahdi**

or seven minutes

but who’s counting

 

**Jonas**

jeez

YES Magnus I’m coming to the party

now try to breathe

 

**Mahdi**

here:

To match your breathing with

 

**Magnus**

how did you find that so fast?

 

_did you have that saved on your phone??_

 

**Mahdi**

Of course

Always prepared!

 

**Jonas**

For what

 

**Magnus**

what is this? the boy scouts?

 

**Mahdi**

helping people to breathe obviously

yeah you want some cookies?

 

_Mahdi - saving lives since 1999_

 

**Jonas**

 

 

**Magnus**

isn’t that the girl scouts?

 

**Mahdi**

No cookies for you then

 

**Magnus**

RUDE

what did I even do

 

**Mahdi**

enforcing heteronormativity

 

**Jonas**

Boo

 

_Magnus I’m disappointed_

 

**Jonas**

me too. I expected better from you

 

**Mahdi**

i’m

Disappointed but not surprised

 

**Magnus**

wow

goodbye

DON’T FORGET ABOUT TOMORROW

 

_I don’t think that’s even possible when you remind us once every other minute_

 

**Jonas**

Seriously

 

**Mahdi**

R E L A X

 

**Magnus**

you want me to un-invite Even???

 

_what_

_You can’t do that_

 

**Magnus**

I can and I will

 

**Mahdi**

look who’s getting scared he’s not gonna see Even tomorrow

 

_you wouldn’t_

 

**Jonas**

You would never do that

you almost like him more than Isak

 

_Mahdi that’s not what I meant_

 

**Magnus**

you wanna try me? keep it up and see what happens

 

_I meant he can’t do that because he’s pretty much in love with Even and wouldn’t do anything to possibly hurt him_

 

**Mahdi**

Who says it can’t be both of those things

 

**Jonas**

it IS both

 

**Mahdi**

agreed

 

**Magnus**

ok I wouldn’t

 

_told you_

 

**Jonas**

Surprise

 

**Magnus**

but I enjoyed watching you try to act chill

you failed but still

 

_what the fuck_

_I’m too tired to deal with this rn_

 

**Jonas**

take a nap

 

_that’s the plan_

 

**Mahdi**

Yeah that’s good save some energy for tomorrow

 

_BYE_

 

+

 

**Vilde**

 

**17.51**

Isak!!

**17.51**

Have you talked to Magnus recently? He’s not answering me

 

**17.53**

Yeah he’s been pretty busy trying to get ahold of Jonas

**17.54**

I’m sure he’ll come back to you soon

 

**17.54**

Oh okay!

 

**17.55**

Happy birthday btw!

 

**17.55**

Thanks Isak!   

**17.55**

Did Magnus tell you about my party?

**17.56**

You’re all welcome to come

 

**17.58**

He mentioned it, yes. We’ll be there

 

 

**Fredag 14/7 - kl. 22.29**

 

“There he is!”

 

The bathroom Isak steps into is bright, contrasting enough with the light in the rest of the house to make him squint his eyes at his friends as he enters. When he hadn’t found any of them within the first two minutes of searching through the groups of people in the open areas of the house, the bathroom had been his next guess. He doesn’t know how long he could last at this party without them, so he’s relieved as he closes the door behind him and steps over to high five Jonas in greeting.

 

Mahdi is sitting next to him in the bathtub, trying to light up a joint with a lighter that looks like it doesn’t want to cooperate, but he pauses for long enough to greet Isak with a handshake.

 

The third person of the expected trio is nowhere to be found.

 

“Where have you been?” Mahdi asks, diverting Isak’s thoughts before they get any further than that. Isak moves to take a seat in between the two of them in the bathtub before he answers, something Mahdi does not seem happy about, considering the groan he lets out. “Why do you insist on pushing yourself into the smallest space in the whole room? Like, you’re not the fucking main character, here. You don’t need to be in the middle of everything!”

 

“Yes, I do,” Isak argues, pointedly sitting down anyway and leaning backwards to rest his head against the tiled wall of the bathroom.

 

“We’ve been calling you at least ten times,” Jonas cuts in, and Isak sinks down even further as he exhales heavily.

 

“Yeah, sorry. My phone was on silent.”

 

It might not be the full explanation, but it’s as much of the truth as he can be bothered to give at the moment. It’ll have to do.

 

“Where have you been?” Mahdi repeats.

 

Or apparently not.

 

Alright. He might as well get it over with so they can move on to a more enjoyable topic.

 

“I fell asleep after work.”

 

Mahdi turns to face him then, his eyebrows raised in question. “And slept until  _now?_ ”

 

“Well, I wasn’t asleep when I got dressed and on my way here.”

 

Mahdi rolls his eyes, then goes back to his fight with the disobeying lighter. Isak watches him for a moment, until Jonas gently bumps their shoulders together to get his attention.

 

“You need to sleep at night, idiot.”

 

Isak sighs again. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

 

The look Jonas sends him is too concerned, and Isak can’t deal with that. At least not right now.

 

“It’s getting better!” he insists. “I promise.”  _(Lies, lies, lies.)_ “Can we just leave it and focus on the party? Please?”

 

Jonas keeps looking at him, and Isak waits him out. Lets him search for the lie they both know is there somewhere, but which Isak is not going to let show. Lets him worry for just this moment, but then they need to move on. This is not the time nor the place for this.

 

(Isak partly wishes it never will be, either, because talking about this makes it out to be a bigger deal than it is. And it’s  _nothing_. It’s fine. It will get better. It always does.)

 

_(Until it gets worse again.)_

 

“Okay, fine,” Jonas concedes eventually, letting out a deep sigh.

 

The conversation changes direction easily after that, because Mahdi finally manages to get the lighter to produce a small flame, and lets out an excited “Yes!” that almost echoes through the room. Despite the size, it’s still strong enough to light up the joint, and Mahdi doesn’t waste any time taking a drag.

 

“Finally,” he breathes as he lets out the first cloud of smoke, then passes the joint over to Isak, who gratefully accepts it.

 

“Thanks.” He takes a drag, tilting his head further backwards as he slowly blows the smoke towards the ceiling.

 

The music coming from the living room is muffled in here, but if he concentrates, Isak can still recognize some of the songs. The beat of the current one is pulsing through the walls of the house, and he can feel it against the back of his head, intertwining with his heartbeat until he can’t tell which is which.

 

They keep passing the joint around while Jonas and Mahdi tells him about everything he missed at the party while he was asleep, which, as it turns out, wasn’t much at all, making Isak even more certain that his decision to arrive a bit later had been the right one.

 

Although, honestly, it hadn’t been much of a decision for him to make since he hadn’t exactly  _planned_ to fall asleep. But still. No complaints from his side.

 

After that the conversation turns to other topics Isak isn’t particularly interested in -- namely  _girls_ , mostly -- so he tunes out the majority of their words. Unsurprisingly, his mind instantly starts up the never-ending debate about Even, and what Isak is supposed to do next.

 

This past week, he’s really tried to make sense of things, to reduce the number of questions still unanswered. And, well -- while he might have cleared up some things, that list is still much too long for his liking. The problem just is that he doesn’t know how to continue from here. He’s been looking out for signs, non-verbal cues, but --

 

How would you know you’ve found one if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for?

 

Fuck, he hasn’t come up with any answers to that yet, so why would he do it now -- while getting high in a bathtub at Vilde’s birthday party?

 

Or maybe that combination is what it takes. Maybe that’s how you solve mysteries.

 

Isak shakes his head in an attempt to let go of those thoughts for now, and push himself back to the bathroom. To his left, Mahdi takes one final drag of what little is left of the joint, then puts it out as he exhales, and that’s when Isak once again remembers the missing fourth person of their group.

 

“Where’s Magnus?”

 

Jonas snorts. “Do you think he would  _ever_ leave Vilde’s side? It’s  _her_ party.”

 

“So maybe she wants to talk to someone she doesn’t see 24/7?” Isak argues.

 

“Probably not,” Mahdi says, pushing himself up to get out of the tub, and Isak is rather impressed by how he makes it seem so effortless. “But I would,” Mahdi adds with a grin, then he turns to leave the bathroom, throwing out a “Later boys!” before he closes the door behind him.

 

Jonas lets out a laugh that sounds like a mix between amusement and disbelief at Mahdi’s sudden exit.

 

“Well, I guess it’s just you and me, then,” he says, and Isak hums.

 

“We’re the best ones anyway.”

 

“True,” Jonas agrees. He pauses for a few seconds before he continues. “But I have a feeling you’re gonna leave me by myself soon.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Even is here,” Jonas tells him, and Isak turns to face him as he starts to protest.

 

“I’m not-”

 

“Don’t,” Jonas interrupts, holding up a hand to stop him. “It’s okay to like people, you know? And I know we like to tease you about it and shit, but I actually think it’s great.  _He’s_  great.”

 

Isak groans, leaning his head back against the wall. “He  _is_.”

 

“Then why won’t you give it a shot?”

 

Because everything is still so unclear. Because Isak doesn’t fucking know  _anything_ , and no matter how hard he’s been trying to get answers, he still doesn’t have the most important ones. That’s why he settles on his standard reply. It’s easier like that.

 

“I’ve told you a million times. It’s just… It’s not gonna happen, okay?”

 

Jonas, however, does not seem satisfied with that. “Why not?”

 

“It’s just not!” Isak snaps, then instantly regrets it.

 

He takes a deep breath in the hopes that it will help him calm down, sort his thoughts out. Maybe he could actually talk to Jonas about this, instead of continuing to avoid it every time it comes up. Getting a second opinion would be very beneficial at this point, because when left to himself, Isak keeps spinning himself in circles. Although, at the same time, letting someone in like that scares him. He doesn’t know how well he would handle Jonas telling him something he doesn’t want to hear -- or telling him the exact thing he wishes for, either. To be honest, he doesn’t even know which one of the extremes would be the worst.

 

But… fuck it. He really is in great need of all the help he can get, despite any life-changing outcome that it might result in, and while he’s definitely not going to involve all the boys yet -- or possibly ever -- Jonas feels like a good place to start. A safe choice.

 

He’s still unsure about how much of the truth he’s willing to tell Jonas, but he needs to start  _somewhere_. If he only ends up telling him  _one_ thing today, that’s at least more than he has shared about this before. Anything is a step in the right direction at this point.

 

Isak takes another breath, and when he starts talking, his words are rushed, as if he just wants to get them out before he can change his mind.

 

“I mean, okay. Lately, I’ve been trying to, like, study him more closely, to see how he acts and stuff, to see if I could find anything that could be like a hint or whatever, that he could maybe like me. Like  _that_. But... nothing. I have absolutely zero fucking ‘proof’, no facts that support that.”

 

Jonas just blinks at him for a moment, then lets out a huff.

 

“Are you  _sure_ you don’t need glasses?”

 

Isak pushes him, hard enough that he almost falls sideways in the small tub. “Shut up.”

 

Jonas sits up straight again, then pushes Isak back, although much more gently than Isak did. “I mean… you already know what I’m gonna say, right? You know what I think about this,” he starts, looking at Isak as he talks. Isak stares at his own lap, studies the seams of his jeans to avoid any eye contact. He can’t deal with that right now.

 

“But I get it,” Jonas continues. “It’s difficult to see this objectively for you, since you’re a part of it. But... I really think you should try. You’re never going to know for sure if you don’t try, you know?”

 

And despite the fact that Isak basically told himself the same thing only a few days ago, although in a slightly different context, coming from Jonas the weight behind those words somehow increases to the double, resonating with him even more deeply.

 

He does know that. And he does  _want_ to know the truth about this whole thing. And he realises, now, that if he keeps going at this speed, he’ll be lucky if he has even reached halfway before his own fucking death.

 

“I hate when you make sense,” Isak mutters, making Jonas let out a surprised laugh.

 

“ _Why?_ ”

 

Isak turns to smirk at him. “I’m supposed to be the smart one.”

 

“Hey, I’m smart too, asshole.”

 

“Debatable,” Isak shrugs.

 

“Shut up. Let’s go get you a drink, and then we’ll find Even.”

 

+

 

The task of getting them each a drink had been completed within three minutes -- of which the first one and a half had consisted of them first gathering enough will to get out of the bath, then struggling to actually do it. Part two of their plan, however, turns out to be something of a mission impossible.

 

“Are you sure he’s even here?” Isak asks as he and Jonas stop to take a much needed break on the stairs leading to the upper floor after having looked through practically the whole house -- and its backyard -- at least  _twice_.

 

“Have you not checked your phone in the past hour? Magnus sent an overly excited message in the group chat about it.”

 

That doesn’t come as a surprise in the least, and Isak is certain he could guess the content of the message as well: something short, in all capitals, along with at least five exclamation points. Still, Isak leans back to get his phone out of his pocket, then opens it to check, just to get it over with.

 

He has to scroll through a conversation about Vilde’s birthday cake (which apparently had disappeared before she could blow out any candles), then Jonas’ and Mahdi’s replies to the the message in question, before he finds it.

 

**Magnus**

EVEN IS HERE!!!!!!!

ISAK WHERE ARE YOU

 

_Just as expected. Three out of three._

 

Isak shakes his head at his phone, before locking it and putting it back in his pocket.

 

“Told you,” Jonas says, then he takes a sip of his newly opened beer, Isak copying the movement with his own. Judging by the way he grimaces as he swallows, Jonas isn’t pleased with his choice of beverage. “What the fuck even is this? Try this,” he says, holding the can out to Isak, who reluctantly does as he’s told.

 

“What the fuck?” Isak agrees, eyes wide as he gives the beer back to Jonas.

 

Jonas just stares sceptically at the can for a few seconds before standing up. “I’m gonna throw this away and get something I can drink without wanting to throw up. Be right back.”

 

Isak nods, taking a sip of his own beer to hopefully replace the gross aftertaste of whatever the hell it was he had just swallowed.

 

As he waits for Jonas to come back, he scans through the groups of people he can see from his seat on the stairs. He still hasn’t seen as much as a glance of Vilde, despite her being the host of this party. The same applies to Magnus, although that might not be so strange seeing as they are pretty much a two for one deal -- if you find one, you find the other, and vice versa.

 

Someone else who is supposedly here somewhere, but hasn’t fallen into Isak’s field of vision yet, is the main subject of about seventy percent of Isak’s thoughts at the moment. And sure, there are a surprising amount of people here, but still. How hard can it be?

 

Easier than last time they tried, apparently, if the first words Jonas say to him as he returns are anything to go by.

 

“Isak,” he practically yells as he makes his way over to the stairs, a new kind of beer in his hand. “I found your boy.” His voice is quieter for the second part of his announcement, but it’s still  _way_ too loud.

 

“Would you stop?” Isak hisses, then grabs ahold of Jonas arm to pull him closer, and by doing that hopefully also preventing him from shouting out all of Isak’s secrets for anyone to hear.

 

Jonas at least has the decency to look slightly regretful.

 

“Shit, sorry. But I did though.”

 

Isak looks at him, then takes another sip of his beer to try to calm down, to try to play it cool. He fails both.

 

“Where is he?”

 

Now it’s Jonas’ turn to take a grip around Isak’s arm, dragging him up to a stand, then leading him through the house to the windows looking out over the backyard. Once there, Jonas points towards the far back of the garden, but it’s redundant, because Isak has already seen him.

 

Even is laughing where he’s standing, him and Yousef trying to juggle a soccer ball between the two of them with varying levels of success. Isak studies them for a moment, and it doesn’t take long for him to come to the conclusion that Even fucking sucks at that game. Despite that -- or maybe  _because_ of it -- Isak can feel his heartbeat speed up as he takes him in, and he subconsciously tightens his grip on his beer.

 

He brings it up to his mouth, finishes whatever is left, then puts the can on the windowsill in front of him. When he looks up to find Even again, he’s already looking right back at him, and when their eyes meet, Even waves for Isak to come over.

 

“Fuck,” Isak breathes.

 

Jonas, who Isak embarrassingly enough had almost forgotten about, puts a hand on his shoulder in support.

 

“Hey. You don’t have to do anything now if you don’t want to. You’re friends. Just talk to him.”

 

“Okay,” Isak agrees, taking a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

 

As he steps out on the porch, he’s hit by some much needed fresh air. Despite only having one beer and a few drags of Mahdi’s joint, he already feels a little out of it. Or maybe part of the reason for that is caused by Even. It’s not like it would be the first time.

 

Either way, he uses the short walk to try his best to get his mind back on track. Back into focus.

 

“Isak!”

 

It’s the second time in less than five minutes that someone yells his name. This time, it makes Isak smile. This time, it’s also accompanied by whole arm waving enthusiastically in greeting.

 

“Hi,” Isak says, then turns to face the other person of the duo. “Hi Yousef.”

 

“Hey.” Yousef nods at the soccer ball lying on the grass next to his feet. “You wanna join?”

 

Isak raises an eyebrow. “I’m not exactly keen on ending up in the hospital, so... no, thanks,” he says, which makes Even raise his eyebrows right back.

 

“Are you insinuating that we suck?”

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “I’m insinuating that  _I_ suck. I don’t trust myself with balls in this state.”

 

Even smirks. “Does that include  _all_ kinds of balls, or…?” he says, and Isak has no idea how to reply to that.

 

Luckily, he doesn’t have to say anything, because before he can do more than blink, and feel his cheeks heat up despite the quite chilly evening air, Yousef comes to his rescue.

 

He’s quick to bend down to pick up the ball, then throws it at Even’s shoulder, along with an annoyed “ _Even!_ ”. The ball hits him with quite some force, then bounces back as Even stumbles to the side, finding his balance just in time.

 

“What the fuck?! I could’ve dropped my beer,” Even complains, but Yousef just tiredly shakes his head.

 

“Maybe that’s why I did it,” he says, making Even pout.

 

“I thought you didn’t drink?” Isak cuts in, pointing to the bottle Even is holding protectively against his chest.

 

“Yeah, usually not. But beer increases my soccer skills, so...” Even shrugs.

 

Yousef shakes his head again, but this time it looks mostly fond. “I really don’t think that’s true, buddy.”

 

“You’re just mad because I’m better than you, even with some alcohol in me.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Yousef agrees, probably to put an end to it, then he turns to Isak instead. “Isak, have you seen Elias?”

 

Isak mulls over the answer, but quickly realises he doesn’t remember much at all about what happened before he stepped outside. He should probably be concerned about that, but truthfully? He doesn’t give a shit right now.

 

“No, sorry,” he tells Yousef.

 

“No worries. I’ll find him,” Yousef says, then turns to walk back into the house. “See you guys later.”

 

He hasn’t taken more than a few steps before Even calls out for him.

 

“Wait! Yousef, could you get me another beer? And one for Isak?”

 

Yousef faces them again, but keeps walking backwards as he answers. “No, I need to talk to Elias. Get them yourself,” he says, then turns his back to them once more.

 

“Rude,” Even mutters, bringing his bottle up to finish it. When he’s done, he sends Isak a smile. “You want a beer?”

 

“Sure,” Isak laughs.

 

“Okay, wait here. I’ll go and get them. I’ll be right back, okay? Like, one minute tops!”

 

Isak nods, but he doesn’t know if Even sees it or not as he steps around Isak to make his way towards the house.

 

And so, Isak waits.

 

Again.

 

There are a few other groups of people out here, but no one Isak recognises, and he’s not in the mood to meet anyone new either, so he stays put. He takes out his phone instead, scrolls through Instagram to find the first six pictures to be taken at this very party. One of them, posted fifteen minutes ago, shows Magnus and Vilde laughing in the kitchen, Magnus wearing a green party hat and Vilde some kind of sparkly crown, both of which look like they’re about to fall off their heads. Isak huffs out a small laugh, then likes the picture. At least he’s got proof of them actually being here now.

 

He spends a few more minutes on Instagram, along with some other apps, before he decides to check the time. As it turns out, Even has been gone for over five minutes now, and while Isak is aware that getting to the kitchen and back in just one minute had been optimistic, Even has now had more than enough time to make the trip.

 

Tired of waiting, Isak decides to go look for Even, even though his track record for tonight would suggest that he might not be the best at that.

 

He doesn’t know if practice really does make perfect, or if he’s just struck by a wave of luck, but he only needs to take a few steps into the living room before he finds him. However, as soon as he does, he not sure he would call it luck anymore. Unless feeling as if he’s getting hit by a truck could be considered lucky.

 

Sure, there Even is. Isak did find him. And he looks great where he’s leaning against the wall next to the entrance to the kitchen, head tilted slightly backwards as he laughs.

 

At something said by the girl in front of him.

 

A _girl_ , who is standing way too close to him to leave any questions about the situation.

 

And Isak can’t believe he has been this stupid. While looking for answers, he had completely forgotten about this, must have pushed it all into that dark corner to deal with some other time. Which is now, apparently.

 

_Even just broke up with his girlfriend. Even does like girls, but that could be it._

 

And Isak doesn’t fucking  _know_.

 

He doesn’t know, and despite his talk with Jonas earlier, despite his decision to give it a shot, he feels like he’s pushed back to square one. He forgot about that one piece of fact. He forgot about one of the first questions he should have searched for an answer to.

 

He forgot to secure the foundation, and this wind is too strong for his tower to hold, making it collapse into a pile where the parts are all useless.

 

_Fuck._

 

Anything that has happened up until this point has been for nothing. He can’t keep doing this anymore. The reality is so obvious now, so obvious that he doesn’t even know why he asked the question in the first place. He always said it wasn’t going to happen, and now it really isn’t.

 

This is it. No more thoughts about it. They’re all getting pushed back in the corner, back into the darkness. Out of sight, out of mind. He can do this. He just needs to distract himself with something else to get through this first moment, then it’s all good. Then he’ll forget about it.

 

Okay. A distraction.

 

Isak scans through the living room, searching for Jonas or Magnus or Mahdi, but coming up short. There’s no sight of Eva or Sana or Vilde either, so he decides to make his way around the rest of the house, looking for anyone he could use to help him think about something else. But it’s like everyone he knows has disappeared into thin air.

 

Plan B: alcohol.

 

Fortunately, there are two ways to get into the kitchen, so Isak picks the Even-less one, determined to avoid him at all costs until he knows how to ignore all the unwelcome thoughts. The kitchen is packed with people, but he manages to push his way through them over to the fridge to look for something to drink.  _Anything_.

 

He grabs the first thing he finds, doesn’t even bother to read the label, just shoulders the door shut as he grabs a bottle opener on the counter next to him. Then he drinks.

 

Drinks until the edges get blurry, until his movements slow down.

 

Until he forgets all about giving up, instead going in the opposite direction. Trying. He should try something else. Move on. Replace.

 

He gets another drink.

 

+

 

There’s a hand on his waist, fingers pushed under his blue plaid shirt, burning through the thin fabric of the t-shirt beneath. His nose buried in soft hair, a strand falling down to tickle his cheek as he tries to get his mouth close enough to an ear to make himself heard over the sound of the party.

 

+

 

Skin touches skin as he drags the two of them away, hands linked together between them. The room is warm and there’s not enough air and he can’t be in here anymore. Needs to get away. He’s sweating and his grip almost slips but he’s not letting go.

 

Won’t.

 

_Can’t._

 

They make their way past the sea of people dancing and drinking and talking around them, the baseline of the song blending together with his heartbeat once more, pounding through his body.

 

Isak holds on tight as he uses his free hand to push the door open.

 

+

 

It’s too bright in here but it’s fine. It’ll do. The goal was to leave the center, get some privacy. Try to breathe in peace.

 

It’s fine.

 

The door has a lock, so Isak turns it. Doesn’t want anyone else in here. Doesn’t want to break this bubble. Doesn’t want to think about anything else.

 

“What are we doing in here?”

 

“Isn’t that obvious?”

 

+

 

“This shit is impossible! How do you even open it?”

 

“Oh my god, give it here. I’ll do it.”

 

+

 

“Come closer.”

 

A pause.

 

“You need to take this off and I can’t reach it.”

 

Someone takes a step closer, but Isak doesn’t know which one. Most likely not him, because he doesn’t think he’s able to move. Fingers struggle to get the buttons open, eyes squinting through the drunken haze to focus on the task.

 

Isak’s hand lands on a bare chest, using it as a point of stability as he tries to hold himself upright. Everything is burning but he’s too out of it to register the bigger picture.

 

Bright lights, bright smile, bright eyes.

 

Dark hair. Was it dark before? He can’t remember.

 

A small laugh rings out in the room, followed by an amused “What now?”

 

“ _Now,_ I’ll help you with this  _problem_ , and then you can have this.”

 

+

 

The sun is busy casting its first rays of light through the window, but Isak doesn’t have enough energy in him to curse the lack of blinds in the room, as he usually would. In fact, he can do nothing else but collapse into his bed with his clothes still on.  

 

For once, sleep comes quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........ anyways
> 
> also.... even? straight?? not into isak??? lmao isak i think u really do need glasses...
> 
> this is now officially the longest fic ive ever written... and we're not even halfway... (heLP)
> 
> ((ok so. just a quick mention that there are 2 things in this chapter that are not mine and so i take no credit for them, namely: 1. a part of a stephen hawking quote (in the tree house scene), and 2. that breathing exercise gif))
> 
> so. thats it? ch 4 is like... 95% done, so i WANT to say it wont take long BUT im not actually gonna say anything at all bc we all know what happened last time. i can say this though: its coming sometime in the future!!! wow!!!! amazing!!! ((feel free to [come yell at me](http://isakissyvaltersen.tumblr.com) if u want tho lmao))
> 
> lastly: thank you so much for reading!!! ILY ♥♥♥
> 
> (AND!!! special shoutout to every single one who read chapter 1+2 last summer (if anyones still here lmao): thank you! i love u all, and again -- im so sorry!!)


	4. memory loss, a drop of paint, an instagram stalker, and two pieces falling into place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look! only a week later!!! wow
> 
> im in the middle of moving (for the second time in less than a year) and my apartment (and mind) is 100% chaos -- but!!! i finished this chapter!! yay!!!
> 
> also -- thank you so much for all the comments/kudos on the last chapter!! i cant even explain how happy they make me ♥♥
> 
> as always im really nervous about posting things here lmao but i hope u like it!

**Lørdag 15/7 - kl. 11.55**

 

Isak is going to die. He’s sure of it.

 

The pounding in his head is unsparing, probably setting some new record in the category of hangover headaches. And as if that wasn’t enough, he’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes, which are less than ideal as sleepwear. His jeans are stiff and uncomfortable, all hard lines digging into his skin, and his white t-shirt smells of something he thinks he might be better off not knowing what it is.

 

Slowly, Isak tries to blink one eye open, only to immediately shut it closed again.

 

Too fucking bright.

 

Why is it always so bright at the exact moments when Isak wants nothing but darkness? It’s like the universe is constantly conspiring against him.

 

He pulls his blanket over his head to block the light out even further. To enhance the darkness. To surround himself with it until he’s ready to deal with being alive. Unfortunately, the pounding headache is a constant reminder, one he can’t escape unless he leaves his cocoon of blankets and goes to find some painkillers.

 

Isak groans, then reluctantly pulls the blanket back off of his head. Apparently, air is something he still needs, forcing him to face the ruthless light again.

 

Since he still hasn’t mustered up enough energy to buy some new blinds, and he can’t stay under the blanket forever, there isn’t much else he can do when it comes to his problem with the brightness in here. He can, however, make this situation more comfortable in another way. Even while simultaneously trying to keep the blanket in place, he manages to wiggle himself out of his jeans with relative ease. The shirt, however, gets to stay on, for no other reason than him being too lazy to take it off. It doesn’t smell  _that_ bad.

 

As he lies there, too awake now to fall back asleep, he tries to figure out how much he can remember about last night. There are a few empty spaces of time he can’t fill, but he surprisingly has a pretty positive feeling about the party in general. Although, on second thought, that might not be that great of an indicator of how the night went, seeing as drunk Isak is a fucking dumbass. One who has been known to think that things like climbing onto a damn cliff with Even could be considered a great idea.

 

But still. He definitely can’t remember anything bad happening last night. He knows he spent some time with Jonas and Mahdi, and he knows he talked to Even, which -- despite Isak’s history of occasionally saying stupid things, and despite him forgetting all about the dangerous combination of Even and alcohol -- actually went well. Other than that, he also has some vague memories he can’t quite place. One of which containing an uncomfortably bright bathroom and something... he wants to say  _burning_ , although that doesn’t feel completely right.

 

Before he can find a better word for it, there’s suddenly an insistent buzzing coming from somewhere in the room. Isak groans again, then starts to blindly search for his phone, finding it buried deep in his blanket.

 

“What?” he sighs, not bothering with any normal greeting after seeing the name of the caller.

 

“Normal people answer their phones with a ‘hello’,” Magnus says, and Isak hates how  _awake_ he sounds.

 

“Normal people don’t call other people this early on a fucking Saturday.”

 

“I waited past noon!” Magnus argues.

 

Isak takes his phone away from his ear to check the time. 12.02.

 

“Barely.”

 

“Well, I did,” Magnus says, then he changes the subject too fast for Isak to keep up. (He’s still half asleep, okay. And hungover.) “Do you want some cake?”

 

“ _What?_ ”

 

“You know Vilde’s cake disappeared last night, right?” He pauses, apparently expecting a reply, so Isak just hums to get him to continue. “Right. And since she didn’t even get to try it, we made a new one this morning. And it’s  _amazing_. Vilde found this recipe on some blog for a cake with like, four different kinds of chocolate! But they were using American measurements with cups and shit so it was a bit tricky to convert it but I think we got it right in the end. Anyway, then we had to...”

 

Magnus keeps talking, but that’s the point where Isak tunes him out, too familiar with this scenario and thereby knowing full well that Magnus will most likely go on about this “amazing” cake for at least five more minutes. Five minutes in which nothing of real importance will be said.

 

Isak closes his eyes again. If it wasn’t  _burning_ , then  _what_? He knows Mahdi had a lighter when they were smoking, which produced a small flame, but that’s not it either. Maybe there was a lit candle in the bathroom? Although that would’ve been really stupid considering that an open flame combined with that many non-sober people equals a pretty big fire hazard. So, probably not a candle.

 

Burning. Lighter. Flame. Candle. Fire.

 

_Hot?_

 

Perhaps the temperature in the bathroom had been above what would be considered pleasant? Was he sweating? No, it still doesn’t feel right. There’s something he keeps missing, and it feels like he’s walking in circles around it, his fingertips staying just out of reach.

 

_What is he missing?_

 

“Isak?”

 

Magnus’ voice breaks through his thoughts, and he blinks his eyes open in surprise. “Huh?”

 

“Are you listening?” Magnus asks, and, well--

 

“Of course.”

 

He’s not about to tell him the truth, now, is he?

 

Magnus, however, doesn’t fall for it. “No, you’re not,” he says, but he surprisingly doesn’t sound that mad about practically being ignored. “I said the cake is too big for only two people.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“So... do you want some?”

 

The mere  _thought_ of food does not sit well with Isak right now. Actually eating something? Not happening.

 

“I don’t think I want to eat  _anything_. Like, ever again.”

 

Magnus snorts. “I’ll save some for you anyway,” he says, and Isak doesn’t know how to reply to that, so he just hums noncommittally.

 

It’s quiet on the other end for a few seconds, so Isak’s mind goes back to last night’s mystery. A heated floor in the bathroom? Maybe someone was using a straightener in there? Did he eat something hot? Drink something? Touch--

 

Once again, Magnus' voice snaps him back to reality.

 

“So, did you have fun last night?”

 

Isak still can’t fill all the blanks, but, as far as he knows -- “Sure.”

 

“I saw you, you know,” Magnus says, and Isak can’t help but roll his eyes, even though Magnus won’t be able to see it through the phone.

 

“Well, I didn’t see  _you_. Which is funny since you practically forced us to come.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Magnus replies, dismissing the comment, then he repeats his earlier words. “But I saw you.”

 

“You said that,” Isak points out.

 

“No, I mean,  _I saw you_.”

 

Isak is getting more and more confused by the second. “Now you’re just sounding like a broken record. I really don’t know what your point is.”

 

“That I saw you leave with-” Magnus starts, and no.

 

No, no,  _no_.

 

“Okay!” Isak interrupts before he can get further than that. Because while he might have momentarily forgotten about that part of the night, just that one small mention of it brings it all back in full force.

 

Or, not  _all_. It’s more a matter of it bringing back his  _intention_ , followed by a few flashes of memories that don’t make that much sense by themselves. Ones that also don’t show any indication of how the night ended. He really hopes he would remember actually  _hooking up_ with someone, but considering those empty spaces of time he can’t afford to rule it out completely.

 

He doesn’t want to get any details about this from  _Magnus_ , though. He’ll use that as his backup plan in case he can’t figure it out on his own. Like, plan F or something.

 

“Okay. Fine. I get it,” Isak mumbles.

 

There’s another pause, filled with tension, before Magnus asks “So?”

 

“So  _what_?”

 

“What happened?”

 

Isak wishes he knew, but alas. “None of your business,” he tells Magnus anyway, because Magnus doesn’t need to know about the spaces in Isak’s memory that are still left completely blank.

 

“Oh, come on!” Magnus pleads, but Isak is not backing down. And it’s not like he could even if he wanted to. “You know, Vilde thinks Even hooked up last night.”

 

Even.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Just how much about last night did he actually forget?

 

Or maybe this part was more due to him repressing the memory rather than forgetting it. All for nothing, though, because he vividly remembers it now. Giving up. Moving on.

 

“Right, okay,” Isak mumbles, hoping Magnus will let the subject go. “Whatever.”

 

Obviously, he doesn’t.

 

“Did he?”

 

“How the fuck should I know?” Isak snaps.

 

“You-” Magnus starts, then he pauses for a few seconds before letting out a confused “What?”

 

“ _What?_ ” Isak repeats, somehow feeling even more confused than Magnus sounded. Which, for the record, was a lot to begin with. Why couldn’t Magnus have called him a few hours later? Maybe then Isak wouldn’t be spending half of the conversation struggling to understand what Magnus is even talking about.

 

“I thought...” Magnus hesitates. “I mean... haven’t you talked to him?”

 

_No._

 

“Of course I have,” Isak says. “I talked to him yesterday, I talked to him on Wednesday-”

 

“Idiot,” Magnus interrupts. “You know what I mean. Like, after the party.”

 

_Please just drop it._

 

“No.”

 

“Oh, okay. Then maybe... maybe you should do that,” Magnus says, and Isak knows he’s right.

 

He probably  _should_ talk to Even. Not about  _that_ , obviously; he wants to delete that memory and the accompanying feelings completely. But they’re still friends, and they usually communicate in one way or another at least once every day. If it’s not hanging out during, or sometimes even after, work, then it’s endless texts about whatever random thing Even is thinking about at the moment.

 

So he should. He will. He’ll send him a text later, unless Even sends one first. Which, if Isak is being realistic, is the most likely outcome here. After last night, he doesn’t know how to start up a conversation.

 

_Last night._

 

As he thinks about it now,  _really_ thinks about it, without the alcohol there to distort the picture, he quickly realises that drunk him from yesterday actually did do something stupid. Something  _incredibly_ stupid. Something  _what-the-fuck-was-he-thinking?_ stupid.

 

He took things way too far. Overreacted. Gave everything up for nothing. Came to unreasonable conclusions.

 

He feels like the world’s biggest idiot now.

 

He  _knows_ that just because Even laughed at something a girl said it doesn’t actually mean anything except just that, despite what the lack of space between them might suggest. It doesn’t automatically mean he likes her. It doesn’t dispel any feelings he may or may not have for Isak. It doesn’t make Jonas’ words about this whole thing any less true.

 

Last night, he was ready to drop everything, too weak to handle the setback. This morning, though, with a mind that’s at least slightly less clouded, he won’t. He has come this far, and he’s not about to give up because of something like this. Not without giving it a try. However, he does need a few more answers before taking another step, to make sure he puts the pieces together in the right order this time.

 

So, yes.

 

He does need to talk to Even. But he needs to talk to Jonas first.

 

Something else he needs to do is listen to his friends when they’re talking to him.

 

“Isak!”

 

“Sorry. What?”

 

“I have a late shift today and I’m bringing the cake, so if you change your mind...” Magnus says, and Isak can’t stop the small smile that forms at those words. Magnus might not be that bad, after all.

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Well, just in case. You know where to find us both.”

 

“Yeah,” Isak says. “Thanks.”

 

Magnus hangs up, ending the call with a “See you later, then!” that Isak doesn’t have time replying to before the line goes quiet. The silence stays in the room, leaving Isak with more than enough space to think -- something he’s not in the mood for right now. Instead, he unlocks his phone to send a message to Jonas.

 

**12.10**

Are you working tomorrow?

 

It takes a few minutes for him to answer, so Isak spends the time until then catching up on a few missed messages in the group chat and scrolling through Instagram. Unfortunately, that only reminds him of the party he doesn’t want to think about.

 

When Jonas’ text finally comes through, Isak is quick to open it.

 

**Jonas - 12.13**

Yeah until two

**12.13**

Why

 

**12.14**

Okay. Need to talk to you about something

 

**12.14**

You want me to call you now?

 

While Isak wants nothing more than to just get it over with, sooner rather than later, he also thinks this is a conversation he should have with Jonas face to face.

 

**12.14**

No tomorrow’s good

 

**12.15**

Okay. Gaming later though?

 

**12.15**

 

**12.15**

♥

 

**12.16**

♥

 

Now all he has to do is distract his thoughts for the next twenty-something hours to avoid talking himself into a corner he has no desire ending up in.

 

Based on experience, that’s going to be easier said than done.

 

 

**Søndag 16/7 - kl. 09.19**

 

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” Jonas says, slowing his brushstrokes down to a stop as he directs a sceptical look at Isak. “Even went to get you a beer, but it took longer than it should so you went to find him. And then he was talking to some girl and you just -- what? Changed your mind? Because of  _that_?”

 

Isak drags a hand over his face. “I  _know_ , I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

 

“Obviously not.”

 

“I was drunk and... I don’t know,” Isak shrugs, keeping his eyes on the wall in front of him, which he and Jonas are coating with a much needed new layer of red paint. “I just got so hung up on that girl thing, and how I don’t even know if he likes boys at all.”

 

“What does it matter if he likes boys? He just needs to like you?”

 

“Well, maybe you missed that part but I  _am_ a boy,” Isak points out, making Jonas let out a tired sigh.

 

“Yes. _One_ boy. So he doesn’t have to like  _boys_. As long as he likes one,” he says, tilting his head meaningfully at Isak.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re right.”

 

“And he does, by the way,” Jonas adds, not for the first time.

 

Isak doesn’t say anything, instead focusing on the wall. One of the campsite’s goals for the year is to repaint all the buildings, including every single one of the cabins they offer for rent. The project had started during spring with the intention to be finished before the height of the season, but due to some complications concerning colour and shipment of the paint, as well as some bad luck with the weather, they are quickly approaching the end of the summer, still with a few walls left.

 

At first, Isak had dreaded the huge amount of dull and repetitive work he would need to apply to the project, but it didn’t take long for him to change his mind. It’s not that bad, actually. Especially not since the job doesn’t require much of his attention, meaning he can spend most of the time doing something else at the same time. Like, for instance, have Jonas talk through the mess of the party with him.

 

“So, after that stupid shit, then what happened?” Jonas asks.

 

“Well... I’m not sure, actually,” Isak admits. He hesitates for a few seconds before continuing. “I might have done some more stupid shit.”

 

“Like what?”

 

Isak exhales heavily. “I don’t know, okay? But I went with... someone... somewhere.”

 

“And?”

 

Isak shrugs, making Jonas turn to raise an eyebrow at him.

 

“That’s all you remember?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Jonas stays quiet for a moment, and Isak keeps painting. Up, down, up, down. A drop of wet paint falls onto the tip of his shoe, but he’s too tired to bend down to wipe it off.

 

“Do you think you guys hooked up?” Jonas asks eventually.

 

_Who fucking knows._

 

“Well, that was my plan, I think. To like... hook up with someone else, to forget about Even. But I don’t know if anything actually happened.”

 

Jonas hums as he dips his brush in the bucket of paint. “Well, I don’t know either. I didn’t see you again until we left at like... two? Three?”

 

Isak nods. He didn’t think it would be easy, but he had hoped Jonas had at least a little bit more insight about what happened than that.

 

“Oh!” Jonas exclaims a few seconds later. “Except for when you and Even were talking in the kitchen.”

 

But that... doesn’t make any sense. Isak might suffer from some memory loss but he’s pretty sure about  _this_ part of the night. He went outside to talk to Even, then Even left to get them some beer; Isak followed him inside, found Even, got (more) drunk, and then left with... whoever it was. Perhaps he found Even again later? Sometime during the mostly blank part of his memory between the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol and leaving the party with Jonas.

 

Isak’s eyebrows draw together. “I talked to Even in the kitchen? When?”

 

“I don’t know. Twenty minutes after I left you? Maybe half an hour?” Jonas says, only creating even more questions.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“A hundred percent,” Jonas nods, then his expression turns more uncertain. “Or... maybe not about the time, but you two definitely talked in the kitchen.”

 

Okay. So. If Jonas is right about this, that means Isak had at least one more conversation with Even that night. One of which he has no memory, whatsoever. And considering what happened before that -- considering Isak’s feelings and the chaos of his thoughts -- he can’t for the life of him see how that could’ve been a pleasant conversation.

 

 _Fuck._ He fucking knew that positive feeling he initially had about the party was too good to be true. Never trust drunk Isak to make any good decisions.

 

Isak groans, then lets his head fall forward against the wall. By some uncharacteristic strike of luck, he manages to miss the part that’s still wet.

 

“Hey,” Jonas says, pulling Isak back from the wall by his shoulder. ”We might not know exactly what happened, and maybe we never will. But what’s done is done. There’s no need to dwell on it.”

 

“That's easy for you to say.”

 

“But you and Even are good, right? You’ve talked since the party?”

 

“We’ve texted a bit.”

 

“And?”

 

Actually, when he thinks about it, Isak is surprised to realise that maybe that conversation didn’t fuck things up as badly as he had originally thought, because --

 

“He’s fine. Nothing seems different.”

 

“Which means nothing probably  _is_ , either,” Jonas says, and Isak wants to argue but instead he tries something else. Tries to believe him, to trust those words rather than keeping up the stupid fight he has against anything that seems too easy. “Which in turn means you’re gonna get back on track now, right? You’re gonna stick to the plan?”

 

“What plan?” comes Mahdi’s voice, startling them both when he steps around the corner of the cabin and into their field of vision. Magnus appears behind him like a shadow only seconds later.

 

“Nothing,” Isak says, quick to shut down the topic now that he’s not alone with Jonas anymore. He loves his friends, but he’s not in the mood to let them know just how stupid he’s capable of being. Even though that ship might have already sailed -- more than once. But still. He doesn’t need to add to it,  _okay_.

 

“Come  _on_!” Magnus says, walking over to sit down on one of the three-step ladders they had used earlier to be able to reach the highest point of the wall. “What are you talking about?”

 

“It’s not important,” Isak insists, then he changes the subject in the hopes that they will let this go. “Are you even working today?” he asks Magnus.

 

Mahdi shakes his head, answering for him. “He’s not. But do you think that would stop him from being here at fucking eight in the morning?”

 

“I got here at  _half past_ eight,” Magnus corrects, as if that makes any difference.

 

“But why?” Isak asks. “You could still be sleeping by now.”

 

Magnus grins. “But then I wouldn’t be hanging out with my favourite people!” he says, stretching his arms out to the sides as if to show exactly who is included in that statement.

 

Which doesn’t make any sense, because they all know that’s not true.

 

“ _What?_ ” Jonas asks, sharing a confused look with Isak and Mahdi as they wait Magnus out.

 

“Or, my  _second favourite_ people,” Magnus concedes, and yeah --

 

“There it is,” Mahdi nods.

 

Isak leans over to get some more paint on his brush, then pointedly holds it up in the air in front of him. “Well, Jonas and I are actually working so we’re not  _really_ hanging out with you,” he tells Magnus, who is quick to come with a counterargument.

 

“We’re in the same place and we’re talking. That’s like practically the definition of hanging out. You two just happen to be working at the same time.”

 

“I’m working, too,” Mahdi cuts in, making Magnus roll his eyes.

 

“Not  _now_ , you’re not. You’re on your break.”

 

Jonas, for some unexplainable reason, feels the need to be a part of the conversation too. Not for the first time, he tells nothing but lies. “Isak is mostly just standing there, though,” he says, and Isak uses his brush to flick some paint at him in retaliation.

 

“Fuck you, I’ve painted more than you have.”

 

“No, you haven’t!”

 

Isak is just about to disagree, then take the obvious next step of challenging Jonas to a race to see who can finish their part of the wall first, but Magnus chooses that moment to change the subject.

 

Back to the one place where Isak does  _not_ want it.

 

“Isak, did you talk to Even yet?”

 

Isak is still not a hundred percent sure where he stands when it comes to Even. He knows what Jonas thinks. He knows what he himself  _wants_ to think about it, but he’s also aware of those small insecurities that keep pushing their way into the spotlight. Those thoughts he knows he doesn’t need to listen to, the ones that only want to cause problems and make him overthink everything. Make him stay in this same fucking place forever.

 

He’s so tired of staying still, though.

 

Isak takes a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm, and not blurt out the first stupid thing he thinks. He does want to move, but to be able to do so, he needs some answers first, he knows that. He just doesn’t know how to get them.

 

“About what?” Mahdi cuts in, and Isak silently thanks him for providing him with a much easier question, quickly deciding to answer that one first.

 

“Vilde’s party,” he says, then takes another breath before turning to face Magnus. “And  _no_. Or, I’ve  _talked_ to him, but not about that.”

 

Magnus' eyebrows draw together. “Why not?”

 

“It’s complicated,” Isak sighs, and he had intended to leave it at that but Magnus keeps giving him this  _look_. “It’s  _fine_ ,” Isak insists, waving it off. “We’re good.”

 

His words leave a silence behind them that makes him want to run. Instead, Isak faces the wall again and goes back to doing his job, finding comfort in the monotonous movements of the brushstrokes. He can see Jonas on his right, already having reached a point low enough on the wall that he has to crouch down on the grass below them to be able to keep going. Maybe he really  _has_ painted a bigger area than Isak has.

 

“So...” Mahdi breaks the quiet no more than a few seconds later. “You and Even? What’s going on?”

 

“Nothing!” Isak exclaims, but he doesn’t turn away from the wall. It’s easier to lie when he doesn’t have to meet their eyes. “We’re friends,” he adds, which is the  _truth_ , although admittedly perhaps not all of it.

 

Unfortunately, Jonas is still next to him, fully capable of seeing his face, and he moves slightly to nudge Isak, then gives him a pointed look as soon as he gets his attention. Isak holds his gaze for a moment, before inevitably giving in. “Okay,  _fine_ ,” he says, turning to face the other two. If he’s doing this, he might as well go all the way. “So, you all know I said I wasn’t gonna do anything about it. But I’ve changed my mind, so I might actually... go for it, or whatever.”

 

He ends the sentence with a shrug, to at least  _look_ like this isn’t a big deal. It’s pointless though, because his friends know as well as he does that there’s nothing casual about this decision. However, much to Isak’s relief, they don’t point that out, instead choosing another route.

 

“Really?!” Magnus laughs. “Wow! I did not see this coming. Like,  _at all_.”

 

Mahdi snorts at Magnus' comment, then tells Isak “That’s great, though. So, what exactly are you gonna do?”

 

“Well, I don’t know?” Isak admits, somewhat reluctantly. “It’s not like I was gonna write down a step by step plan.”

 

“Wait,” Magnus says. “This is the plan you and Jonas were talking about?”

 

Jonas nods. “Yeah, it is,” he confirms. “But before Isak could come up with any  _good_ ideas of ways to proceed, he got a bit stuck on the part about whether or not Even even likes boys.”

 

“ _Jonas!_ ”

 

“What? Come on, you did,” Jonas says. “And I’m only saying this because I thought maybe they could help.”

 

Isak is about to argue, but the next words that are spoken surprise him enough to leave him silent.

 

“Yeah, he’s pan,” Magnus announces casually, and Isak turns to stare at him.

 

In the corner of his eye, he can see Jonas gesture with his whole hand towards Magnus as he lets out an excited “See!” but Isak barely registers that, his mind still stuck on Magnus' words.

 

He spends what feels like at least ten minutes doing nothing but blink at Magnus as he tries to take in the implications of that information. In reality, it’s probably not longer than a few seconds before he finds his voice again.

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“I asked him,” Magnus shrugs, as if that should’ve been obvious. His answer is followed by a shocked silence coming from the other three, making Magnus laugh. “Relax! Of course I didn’t ask him. I’m not stupid.”

 

Mahdi tilts his head to one side. “ _Well..._ ”

 

“Then how?” Isak asks.

 

“He has this pin on one of his jackets, and I didn’t know what it was so I googled the colours to try to find out, and it was the colours of the pansexual pride flag,” Magnus explains.

 

Isak takes a deep breath.

 

He knows it didn’t really matter, that Jonas had a point about Even only having to like  _him_. But he still feels a small wave of relief wash over him after hearing that. Now he has at least one less thing that could possibly work against him.

 

However, while Isak got the answer he wanted, Mahdi seems to have some follow up questions about the whole thing.

 

“What? How did I not see that? Which jacket was it?”

 

“The denim one, I think,” Magnus says.

 

“Okay, thanks. I’m gonna ask him where he got it.”

 

“The jacket?”

 

“The  _pin_ , idiot.”

 

“Well, how the fuck should I know? The jacket is really nice, too!”

 

“Have you ever seen me in a fucking denim jacket? Why would I want one of those?”

 

“Maybe because you don’t have one?”

 

“Fuck, no. That’s not my style at all. It would just look weird,” Mahdi frowns, making Jonas step into the conversation.

 

“I’m sure you’d look great,” he says.

 

Mahdi smiles at him. “Thanks, man. Still not happening, though,” he adds just before the sound of a phone alarm going off rings out between the four of them. Mahdi hurries to get his phone out of his pocket, turning it off. “Well, my break is almost over. I can’t believe I wasted the first half of it trying to help you decide what to get for lunch,” he mutters, turning to face Magnus.

 

“I just found out they finally started serving the new options in the restaurant!”

 

“It’s barely past breakfast time, why were you even thinking about  _lunch_?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

 

“Speaking of lunch,” Jonas cuts in. “Do you guys wanna meet up later?”

 

Mahdi answers something, probably affirmative, but Isak doesn’t listen. He’ll just follow Jonas to wherever they decide to eat later. As the three of them discuss lunch plans, Isak goes back to painting. He’s reached the bottom now too, but instead of crouching down like Jonas did, he’s taken a seat on the grass. With the changed position, the drop of paint on his shoe is within reaching distance, and he moves to scratch at it with a fingernail. It won’t come off, though, already dried into the material of his shoe.

 

He frowns at it, then turns around just as Mahdi and Magnus start to leave. Magnus gives Jonas and Isak a high five each as they say their goodbyes, and then it’s just the two of them again. Mahdi is going back to work, and Magnus to... well. Who the fuck knows what Magnus is up to.

 

Isak turns back to the wall to do some work himself, and he and Jonas paint in silence for a moment. However, the silence brings back Isak’s earlier annoyance. A feeling that didn’t find enough room to really catch his attention before, but which has more than enough space to do so now. One that easily takes over all his thoughts.

 

“Why did you even tell them about that?” Isak mutters as he stands up to move to the next part of the wall.

 

“Because I know you were gonna keep thinking about it, even though I _know_ you know it’s stupid. But now you have an answer.”

 

Isak sighs. “I guess.”

 

However, there’s still one more thing he needs to figure out, one thing he knows will keep him from moving. And since he’s already shown enough proof of his stupidity today, this one more question won’t do any real damage.

 

“What about that thing about him just going through a break up, then?”

 

Jonas groans. “Seriously? Why do you keep looking for problems?”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Yes, you are,” Jonas says. “But, fine. I’ll handle this one too. Okay, yes, he just got out of a relationship, but so what? That doesn’t mean he isn’t ready for a new one. We don’t know anything about it. We know nothing about what happened or how he feels about it. The only one who knows all this is  _Even_. And you won’t find the real answer unless you get it from him. So, please stop creating all these obstacles. The only thing stopping you now is  _you_.”

 

Isak raises an eyebrow at him. “Where did you get all this wisdom from?"

 

Jonas dramatically flips his hair. “Some people are just born with it,” he says, making Isak snort.

 

“You’re so stupid.”

 

Jonas laughs. “But I’m right, though?”

 

He is.

 

And Isak already knew this, he just had some trouble hearing Jonas’ voice over all the doubts fighting for his attention. But now that’s over with. No more overthinking. Now he’s left with a clear path, and the only thing he needs to do is move.

 

“Yeah,” Isak says. “You’re right.”

 

 

**Mandag 17/7 - kl 12.10**

 

**zero chill**

 

**Jonas**

Boys

Are you working today?

 

_nope_

 

**Mahdi**

Yes

unfortunately

 

**Magnus**

No but I’m going there soon anyway

 

**Mahdi**

good come and distract Alex pls

 

_What is he doing?_

 

**Jonas**

Mahdi when do you get off?

 

**Mahdi**

18

it’s like he can’t be alone for even five minutes

Like dude let me breathe

 

_Sucks_

 

**Jonas**

I’m coming by later

hang out on the beach after work?

 

**Magnus**

I’m omw now

 

**Mahdi**

my hero

also yes I need something nice to look forward to

 

**Magnus**

Isak??

 

**Jonas**

Get your ass out of bed and join us

 

_Eh_

_I’m working tomorrow so idk_

 

**Magnus**

come on!!

I’ll bring food

 

_ugh, fine_

 

**Jonas**

♥♥♥

 

**Mahdi**

wow Isak

Your enthusiasm is inspiring

 

_Thanks, I try_

 

 

**Tirsdag 18/7 - kl. 16.04**

 

As he steps over the threshold to the break room, Isak finds it empty save for the one person he’s looking for. Even doesn’t show any indication of noticing him, though, just keeps looking at whatever he has open on his phone where he’s reclining on one of the couches, one foot propped up on the small coffee table in front of him. The lack of attention is exactly what Isak needs, so he takes advantage of the moment, using it as a last attempt at getting his thoughts in order.

 

They have texted a bit, but he still hasn’t  _seen_ Even since the party. And even though he’s talked through the whole thing with Jonas, and then Magnus and Mahdi, and even though he’s made a decision now, it doesn’t mean he isn’t nervous about this. It doesn’t mean he’s always strong enough to push away the thoughts of all the ways this could go in the opposite direction of what he wants. All the ways he could fuck it up.

 

Somehow, he still manages to do it now. He promised himself to move, so he will. Even had asked him to meet him here after Isak was done with work, and Isak clings onto that one small piece of comfort, forcing that positive feeling into his main focus.

 

“Hey,” Isak says eventually, the word coming out more like a question than a normal greeting.

 

Even looks up at the sound of Isak’s voice, then raises an eyebrow at him. “Do you remember when you told me not to ask Sana about you? Because I would get all misinformed or whatever?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Isak says, his own eyebrow lifting with suspicion. “What about it?”

 

“You were right.”

 

“Oh,” Isak breathes, shifting restlessly from one foot to the other, unsure of what else to say.

 

Even just nods slowly, then smirks at him. “She never told me you were this cute.”

 

“What?” Isak squeaks out, not quite believing he heard that right.

 

Even turns his hand to show Isak the phone he’s holding, which is open on Jonas’ Instagram post from a couple of weeks ago. The throwback one of Isak and Jonas back in 2015, where Isak looks like a fucking baby. Or, at least like he’s a lot younger than his actual sixteen.

 

It takes a moment for Isak to snap out of his initial disbelief, but then he moves to take a seat next to Even on the couch -- close enough that their arms touch, lining up next to each other from shoulder to elbow, a long line of fire. But Isak isn’t scared of it anymore. He won’t allow himself to be. One step forward, no steps back.

 

“Oh, my god,” he groans, grimacing at the picture which is still on display on Even’s phone. “How did you even find this?”

 

“It’s like his third most recent post.”

 

“But  _why_?”

 

“Why not?”

 

Isak leans back slightly to squint his eyes at Even. “Are you stalking me?”

 

Even shrugs as he continues to scroll down through Jonas’ posts. “Of course.”

 

It’s with building trepidation that Isak watches him, knowing full well about the amount of posts he appears in and how there’s no way this will end well for him. He’s proven right only seconds later when the next post appears. His heart almost stops at the same time as Even’s thumb when he reaches that stupid shirtless picture of Isak and the boys from the beginning of the summer.

 

He almost doesn’t dare to breathe, just stares at that picture in silence. He sees how Even’s finger keeps hovering a centimeter over the screen, unmoving, and in his mind Isak is  _begging_ Even to just  _keep scrolling, for fuck’s sake._

 

As if he hears Isak’s thoughts -- and wouldn’t that be just  _fantastic_ \-- Even does. Finally,  _finally_ , moving on to the next picture.

 

Isak exhales. “So...” he trails off, clearing his throat before he continues. “How much have you actually seen?”

 

“Oh, a lot,” Even says, and Isak mentally curses Jonas for posting these embarrassing pictures of him. Then, realising Even probably started his Instagram search by going through the posts on  _Isak’s_ account, he curses his past self as well. He really should have made his profile private when he had the chance.

 

“I feel like I should be worried,” Isak says, trying to play it off as a joke but probably not succeeding very well since he actually  _is_ worried about the consequences of Even being presented with this new perspective of Isak.

 

“Nah. So far, so good,” Even says, then turns to wink at Isak again.

 

“Then please stop now before it all goes downhill.”

 

“Impossible,” Even says, despite the fact that Isak knows the truth is actually the exact opposite of that. It’s  _inevitable_.

 

Except for Even’s occasional comments, the next twenty or so pictures move over the screen in silence. Then, they get to a video Isak has no memory of, but, based on the thumbnail alone, is most likely one of many in which he’s publicly embarrassing himself through some -- admittedly not very good -- attempt at rapping. When he catches sight of the date below it, it does nothing but confirm his suspicion. Even is  _not_ allowed to see this.

 

In an impulsive -- and in hindsight, not very smart -- move, Isak grabs Even’s phone, trying to pry it out of his hand.

 

“What are you-?” Even starts, but Isak cuts him off before he can finish his question.

 

“Don’t look at that!” he says, twisting the phone at the same time as he uses his other hand to move Even’s fingers. Somehow, that’s exactly the right way to win this fight. Isak quickly holds the phone out of Even’s reach to prevent him from taking it back. Or at least to make any attempt a bit more difficult.

 

Even just sends him an amused smile. “You know I could just look at it later, right?” he asks.

 

“I’ll delete it,” Isak counters.

 

“It’s on Jonas’ account,” Even points out.

 

“Then I’ll force  _him_ to delete it.”

 

Even slowly shakes his head. “If I promise not to look at any more Instagram posts, can I have my phone back, please?”

 

“No.”

 

Even raises his eyebrows at him. Then, in a move so quick Isak has no way of anticipating it, Even reaches for the phone. However, despite leaning himself across Isak, one hand on the backrest behind Isak’s shoulder for support, Even still doesn’t get far enough, instead grabbing onto the furthest point he  _can_ reach: Isak’s wrist. He holds on tight as he tries to pull Isak’s hand, and the phone, down far enough for him to take it back, but Isak gives as good as he gets. He’s not about to give up that easily.

 

While Even seems completely focused on the phone, Isak is mostly just trying to remember how to breathe. There are so many places where Even is touching him -- he’s practically lying  _on top of him_ \-- and the close proximity is making Isak's brain short circuit, shutting down several vital parts of it. All Isak can do is try to keep the phone away from Even’s hand and hope for the best. Hope he will get out of this  _alive_.

 

Level of probability: worryingly low.

 

“ _Isak._ ”

 

The way Even says his name awakens a new kind of determination in Isak, and he uses the newfound energy to put his free hand flat on Even’s chest, firmly pushing him back enough to regain the much needed space between them. The move makes Even lose his grip on Isak’s wrist, the earlier point of contact now feeling surprisingly cold. Isak barely has time to notice that, though, because Even soon grabs onto Isak’s other wrist instead, the one still resting on Even’s chest to keep him away.

 

And then everything slows down.

 

Isak would’ve guessed Even’s intention behind that move had been to pull Isak’s hand away, and to then make another attempt at getting ahold of his phone, but the seconds tick by and Even’s hand stays where it is. His fingers are gently wrapped around Isak’s wrist now, the grip soft and warm. Isak shifts his gaze a few centimeters to the right, catching sight of Even’s watch, and there, hiding mostly under it, is the piece of black string.

 

He wonders if maybe now would be a good time to ask some more questions about it -- to distract Even from their rather ridiculous tug of war -- but then decides against it. This is not the time nor the place. Instead, he looks up to meet Even’s eyes.

 

_Bad idea._

 

Even is looking right at him -- blue meeting green -- and Isak’s mind goes completely blank. Even doesn’t avert his eyes, so Isak can’t either -- an invisible force pulling them together, making it impossible to look anywhere else. So Isak just stays still, gets more and more lost with every passing moment, gets drawn in until all he knows is blue. If he drowns here, he wouldn’t mind particularly.

 

A slow smile starts to form on Even’s face; Isak can see it even while keeping his eyes on Even’s, and before he knows what is happening, Isak can feel himself mirror the expression. When, only a short moment later, Even starts to slowly stroke his thumb against the inside of Isak’s wrist, Isak knows this is it.  _This_ is how he’ll die.

 

Or, actually. Scratch that. This is how Even will get his phone back. Because while Isak’s focus is back on getting enough air into his lungs, Even’s is on his phone again. On second thought, it probably never left.

 

Isak barely even reacts. One second they’re staring into each other’s eyes, and the next Even reaches over with some inhuman speed -- if Isak would take a guess he would say it isn’t far from the speed of  _light_ , even though he’s well aware that that isn’t actually possible -- and swiftly pulls his phone out of Isak’s hand.

 

Isak can do nothing but stare at him at first, although with much less affection than what had slipped into the look before. It takes longer than it should before he can manage to form any words.

 

“Hey! That’s cheating!”

 

Even laughs. “What?”

 

“That’s not fair.”

 

“What isn’t?”

 

“You distracted me,” Isak mutters, but Even just smirks at him, one of those stupid eyebrows raised again.

 

“Are you saying I’m distracting?”

 

Isak merely rolls his eyes in answer, not wanting to give a real one. Because he doesn’t want to lie to Even, but he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a “yes” either. Also, he’s not quite ready to admit that much out loud yet.

 

“Look,” Even says, holding up the phone to make sure it has Isak’s attention. When it does, Even shifts on the couch to put the phone in the pocket of his jeans, then holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m still keeping my promise, okay?”

 

“Good.”

 

Even smiles at him, and despite what happened not even a minute ago, Isak smiles back.

 

“Oh, wait,” Even says suddenly, expression shifting as his smile falters a little. “I forgot. I have your-”

 

“Even!”

 

The unexpected third voice makes them both turn towards it, finding Elias leaning against the doorframe, his own phone pressed against his ear.

 

“Yes, I found him,” Elias says to the person on the other end of the line, then he looks at Even, directing his next words at him. “Sana wants me to tell you to get back to the shop. You’re late.”

 

“Oh, shit.” Even stands up fast enough to almost fall forward over the coffee table. He finds his balance just in time, then raises his voice to make it loud enough for Sana to hear through the phone. “Sorry, Sana!”

 

Elias chuckles as Even makes his way out of the room. “He’s on his way. With the speed he’s going he’ll be there in like ten seconds,” he tells Sana.

 

“Bye, Isak!” Even yells as he practically runs through the doorway, making Isak huff out a small laugh.

 

“Bye.”

 

Elias leans back out of the room, directing his next words at Even’s retreating back. “Yes,  _goodbye, Even!_ Really nice seeing you, too!”

 

“Bye, Elias!” Even’s voice is faint -- Isak guesses he’s probably reached the door to the stairwell by now -- but it still makes it all the way back to them.

 

Elias shakes his head, sharing an amused look with Isak, then continues his conversation with his sister. “Yeah, he’s here. ... Probably. ... Ask him yourself! ... No.” He glances at Isak again, rolling his eyes before throwing up a hand in a wave as he walks back into the main part of the staff room.

 

Isak can still hear him as he talks, but it’s mostly background noise as he follows Elias to the other room, then he crosses the floor to get to the small locker room to grab his backpack.

 

” _No_ , I’m not your fucking slave! ... I’m going home now, I’ve already been here way too long. ... Okay, fine. ... I said fine, Sana. Stop nagging, I’ll do it.”

 

The door to the locker room closes behind him, and the added material between them is enough to block out Elias' voice. Isak reaches for his backpack where it’s lying partly under another bag on one of the shelves, then opens it to take out his rain suit, since, the last time he checked the weather app in his phone, the chance of the sky opening up seemed to be quite high. Based on the way the almost black clouds are covering the sky like a thick and endless blanket,  _Yr_ is probably right. Again.

 

Isak sighs heavily, not looking forward to biking through a downpour, knowing he’ll get wet no matter what he’s wearing since rain has a way of getting past that, drops of it always finding their way down his sleeves or dripping from his hair onto his neck.

 

And then, just because of that one mental picture, he’s transported back two weeks to another moment involving drops of water sliding through hair. And  _Even_.

 

There’s a difference now, though -- an important contrast between the two moments. It feels like the first one happened  _years_ ago, especially considering the steps he’s taken since then. He might not have reached the finish line yet, might not even be close, but at least he’s out on the track now.

 

At least he has a  _chance_.

 

After finishing putting on his (mostly, hopefully) waterproof clothes, he zips up his backpack, pulls up the hood of the jacket, and takes a final moment to steel himself for the ride home. As he steps out of the locker room a minute later -- looking as good as it is physically possible while wearing a rain suit which is also two sizes too big. (That is to say, not very good at all. Thank  _god_ Even already left.) -- Elias is still there. But he’s not on the phone anymore.

 

“You going home?” he asks Isak.

 

“No, I thought I’d find a runway first, to really show off this look in the right setting. Create a new fashion trend.”

 

Elias pretends to look impressed. “I would be all over that.”

 

“Right?”

 

Elias laughs, then holds up a set of car keys, dangling them lightly in front of himself. “You want a ride?”

 

 _Yes_. But--

 

“Thanks, but I have my bike here.”

 

“You could just put it in the car if you want?” Elias says.

 

“Would it even fit?”

 

Elias smiles, waving the hand holding the keys. “Don’t worry about that. There’s more than enough room. Once, my brother put in a whole fucking mattress and slept in there.”

 

“Wow, okay,” Isak laughs. “Then yes, please. I mean, if you’re sure it’s okay? My place isn’t even on your way.”

 

“Yeah, of course. It’s no problem,” Elias insists. “I’m pretty much moonlighting as a private chauffeur today, anyway. Cons of getting the car for the day: having to pick up my parents after work. And Sana, too, apparently.”

 

“Then it’s probably a good thing I can’t drive.”

 

“Yeah, lucky you,” Elias grins, then he turns to start making his way to his -- or, his  _family’s_ \-- car. “Let’s go.”

 

Isak stays still for just a moment, unconsciously reaching in under the hem of his jacket to gently stroke his thumb over his wrist -- the ghost of a touch still lingering, etched into his skin -- then he follows Elias out.

 

 

**Onsdag 19/7 - kl. 12.46**

 

“Then he asked me to explain the fucking cash register again! Like, dude! We’ve had this new one for a  _month_ , how do you still not know how to use it properly?”

 

Isak glances at Mahdi, whose face is painted with exasperation, then looks back down at his lunch, which today consists of a cup of coffee, a breakfast bar and a worryingly black banana. A well-balanced meal if he’s ever seen one. It’s the result of him forgetting his actual lunch at home and instead having to search through his backpack for anything he could find that was edible -- at least at one point. To be honest, though, he’s not even sure which part of his lunch break he finds the least interesting: Mahdi’s complaining or his sad version of a lunch.

 

At least he doesn’t have to deal with this alone. He looks up to meet Eva’s eyes across the table, but where Isak’s main emotion right now is annoyance, Eva mostly looks amused. Isak takes a sip of his coffee, then turns to Mahdi.

 

“Yeah, yeah,  _we get it_. You hate Alex,” Isak says, interrupting Mahdi before he can go off on another rant about Alex just asking him another fucking question, or whatever.

 

“I don’t  _hate_ him,” Mahdi says. “He’s just...  _there_. All the time.”

 

Isak sighs as he reluctantly opens the wrapper around his bar. He doesn’t even like this blueberry kind, but seeing as he doesn’t have much choice, he has to force it down anyway. He blames his slight irritation about the bar for the words that slip out of his mouth next.

 

“Also... the waffle thing.”

 

Mahdi groans, putting down his glass on the table just a tad too hard, making some of the water inside splash over the edge and onto the table top. “Don’t fucking remind me.”

 

“What waffle thing?” Eva asks, and now it’s Isak turn to groan.

 

“ _Nooo_ , fuck. I thought you knew about that. Forget I said anything!” he tries, but he knows it’s too late.

 

“No, I want to know!”

 

Isak shakes his head in resignation. However, he still makes one last attempt at avoiding the inevitable. “You really don’t, it’s not even a good story.”

 

“It’s  _traumatic_ , is what it is,” Mahdi corrects.

 

“Oh, my god. Move on!” Isak exclaims, then he takes a bite out of the disgusting bar before he even realises what he’s doing.  _Fuck_.

 

“Isak, just shut up,” Eva says, then she nudges Mahdi’s arm with her hand. “What happened?”

 

Mahdi takes a sip of his water, then clears his throat.

 

_Here we fucking go._

 

“Okay, listen up, kids,” Mahdi starts. “It was July, in the ancient year of 2016 --”

 

Isak snorts. Mahdi just glares at him, without stopping his storytelling.

 

“-- I was about to start the long walk back to my home, after a day of heavy work. Tired and hungry, I was an easy target.”

 

Isak lets out another tired sigh. “Please just tell it the normal way.”

 

“Boring, but fine,” Mahdi concedes. “Hm, okay. Like I said, I was just about to go home, when Alex walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hang out, and after he mentioned bringing waffles I agreed because, well --  _waffles_. And I was hungry. Anyway, he took me to the beach and then, for some inexplicable reason, he wanted to go in one of those stupid pedal boats. And what’s even more unbelievable is that I actually went with him.”

 

Isak slowly shakes his head as he takes another awful bite of the bar. “I still don’t know why you did that.”

 

“Me neither. I keep wishing I could go back and change my answer.”

 

Eva frowns at them. “Come on, then what?”

 

“Then we went out in the fucking pedal boat, and we got quite a far bit out, actually. And, so far it wasn’t that bad. We were talking, he was pretty nice. But then, he handed me one of the promised waffles and...” Mahdi trails off with an exaggerated shudder. “I still have nightmares about this.”

 

“Just go on,” Isak tells him, but Mahdi doesn’t seem to hear him, stuck in some kind of flashback of the moment, running through the events leading up to it for the millionth time.

 

“How the fuck did he even manage that? I still can’t believe it, how stupid could you be?”

 

Eva looks even more confused now. “What?”

 

“Alex had,” Isak starts, holding up a finger to really emphasize his next word. “ _Accidentally_ , used salt instead of sugar when he made the waffles.”

 

“I’m never gonna be the same,” Mahdi mumbles to himself.

 

A silence fills up the space between them for a few tense seconds before Eva breaks it.

 

“That’s it?” she asks, clearly unimpressed.

 

“Yeah, that’s it. Told you the story wasn’t even good.”

 

Mahdi still seems to be reliving the -- according to him -- life-changing event, one hand on either side of his face now as he stares off into space. “Why did he even ask me to come? Like, I don’t get it. What was the point of it?”

 

“Uh, honestly? That sounds like a date,” Eva says, making Mahdi and Isak both let out a shocked “ _What?_ ”

 

Eva raises an eyebrow. “You two just hanging out in a pedal boat?  _Alone?_  He brought food? Totally a date.”

 

“It wasn’t a  _date?!_ ” Mahdi exclaims, drawing some unwanted attention to him from a couple of their coworkers sitting at one of the other tables in the room. Mahdi lets out a tired sigh, sinking down a little in his chair. Their audience quickly lose interest, however, turning back to their own conversation the very next second.

 

At their table, Eva holds up both her hands in defence. “Okay, fine. I was just telling you what it looks like from my point of view. But yeah, I don’t know what kind of intention Alex actually had.”

 

Mahdi looks at her for a moment, then suddenly stands up, chair scraping noisily against the floor. “I’m gonna- I’m just- Okay... bye,” he mumbles incoherently, then picks up his half-finished lunch. With impressive speed, he throws the remaining food in the trash and puts the glass in the dishwater, then he walks out of the room to make his way down the stairs.

 

“What... just happened?” Eva asks, looking from the door to the stairwell and over to Isak.

 

Isak shrugs. “Who knows.”

 

“I just told him what it  _could_ be,” she says. “But, I mean, why else would he do that? Why would you just randomly bring someone somewhere, just the two of you, and bring food, if it’s not a date?” she continues, sounding as if she’s mostly just talking to herself as she ponders the situation. “Unless you’re friends, maybe. But still. Like, he pretty much  _made sure_ they would be alone, that no one could disturb them? That’s... suspicious.”

 

Isak, however, isn’t thinking about the whole Mahdi/Alex thing anymore. Instead, his mind has helpfully reminded him of a very similar situation which took place last week. One involving himself. And  _Even_.

 

Even brought him to that tree house, in the middle of the forest with a  _very_ low risk of any other people being around. He brought him there alone. With food. Without a really clear reason as to  _why_. What if--

 

Oh, _fuck_.

 

What if Eva really is right about this? What if this is some kind of pattern? What if those really are pieces that together make up a  _date?_  What if Isak went on a date without _knowing_ it? What if Isak went on a date with  _Even_ without knowing it?

 

Then, just before he spins himself in circles again, Jonas’ words flash by.

 

The only one who knows the answer to that is  _Even_.

 

But it’s not like Isak can just go up to him and  _ask_ him about this.

 

_Hey, remember when you took me to that tree house? Was that actually a date?_

 

Yeah,  _no way_.

 

However, now that he has this information -- or, if nothing else, this  _theory_ of Eva’s -- he knows it won’t go away. It’s going to stay there, in the back of his mind, trying to push itself into the spotlight, trying to push itself into any situation where it has as much as a  _possibility_ of being true. And Isak doesn’t know if that’s going to make this thing even harder or not. Because while Eva could be right about this, could help him see things more clearly, she could also be wrong.

 

She could be  _wrong_ , and he could apply words to situations where they don’t fit, complicating things even further.

 

“Are you done eating?”

 

Eva’s voice brings him back to the staff room, and he looks down at his lunch. He still hasn’t eaten much of it, and despite the fact that it doesn’t look tempting --  _at all_ \-- he should probably at least try to get some more of it in him.

 

Also, he could really use a moment alone to just think. Even though that will most likely only make things worse.

 

“No, not yet,” he tells Eva. “But you go.”

 

Eva shakes her head. “It’s okay, I’ll wait.” She pauses, then points at the almost black banana -- still inside its peel. “Are you really gonna eat that?”

 

Isak glances down again, grimacing. “Honestly? Probably not.”

 

“Then let’s go get you something else. Come on, I’ll buy you something from the shop.”

 

Isak hesitates for a few seconds, then lets out a slightly confused “Why?”

 

“ _Why?_ Because you need to eat, idiot,” Eva says as she stands up. “Come on,” she repeats, then moves to put away her plate and cutlery in the dishwasher.

 

Isak takes a final sip of his coffee, then picks up the empty wrapper and the sad looking banana, and stands up. After throwing away everything but the cup, he meets a smirking Eva by the dishwasher.

 

“And, you know... maybe Even will be there,” she says, making Isak roll his eyes to mask his internal panic.

 

How is he supposed to look Even in the eyes with this new idea so fresh in his mind? How is he supposed to not let this colour every single interaction between them from now on?

 

_Fucking Eva._

 

When he thought he had things under control --  _for once_ \-- she comes in like a fucking wrecking ball, breaking one of his load bearing walls and ruining his foundation, making him start questioning things again.

 

Isak clears his throat, pushing himself back to the conversation. “Well, he works there, so yes. It’s possible.”

 

“Let’s find out, then.”

 

If only it were that simple to get an answer to all his other questions as well.

 

 

**Torsdag 20/7 - kl. 14.40**

 

**zero chill**

 

**Mahdi**

guys I still don’t know what to think about this

 

**Magnus**

Well I still can’t believe he’s been in love with you for over a year

 

**Mahdi**

We don’t know if it’s even true

 

_How did we not know about this until now_

 

**Jonas**

yes it is

 

_It’s so obvious when you think about it_

 

**Magnus**

I know???

 

**Jonas**

It really is

Are we all just that stupid or what

 

_He always gets so nervous around Mahdi_

 

**Magnus**

and during work he’s close to him as much as possible, always talking to him

 

_damn. We really are stupid_

 

**Jonas**

Mahdi what are you gonna do?

Mahdi?

 

_??? Hello_

 

**Jonas**

where did he go

 

**Magnus**

probably trying to take this all in

 

**Mahdi**

I can’t

I’m just

…

?????

 

**Jonas**

This broke him

 

_Did Mahdi just.... lose his chill_

 

**Magnus**

I didn’t think that was even possible

Mahdi are you okay??

 

**Mahdi**

it doesn’t make any sense

 

_except it does_

 

**Mahdi**

Yeah I know but it also really doesn’t

 

**Jonas**

So… what now?

 

**Mahdi**

I don’t know

I have to like reevaluate everything I know about him. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time now

 

**Magnus**

Okay that’s it

we shouldn’t do this over messenger

Mahdi I’m coming over

 

**Mahdi**

okay

 

**Magnus**

Guys?

 

**Jonas**

I’m working until four but I’ll come straight there when I’m done

 

_I’ll be there in like 30_

 

+

 

**Even**

 

**14.46**

What are you doing?

 

**14.47**

Good question

 

**14.48**

What does that even mean?

 

**14.48**

It means I have no idea

**14.48**

Or I just got home

**14.48**

Haven’t even taken off my shoes yet

 

**14.49**

Oh okay. You wanna hang out?

 

**14.49**

Yes

**14.49**

Or no

 

**14.50**

???

 

**14.50**

I mean I want to but I already promised I would help Mahdi with something

 

**14.51**

“Something”? Sounds suspicious

 

**14.51**

Lol yeah, but idk

**14.51**

I can’t really say more than that

**14.52**

He just got some… news?? And now he’s confused

 

**14.52**

Aren’t we all?

**14.52**

Kidding, of course you should help him

 

**14.52**

Tomorrow?

 

**14.53**

Tomorrow what?

 

**14.53**

.....

**14.53**

Do you wanna do something?

 

**14.53**

When?

 

**14.53**

Even what the fuck

**14.54**

Tomorrow

 

**14.54**

What about tomorrow?

 

**14.54**

I hate you

 

**14.54**

:(

 

**14.55**

Why are you always so mean

 

**14.55**

Excuse you!

**14.56**

According to a very reliable source, I’m actually, and I quote: “really really really really really really really nice”

 

**14.56**

Seven “really”? Wow

**14.56**

Who exactly is this source

 

**14.57**

A certain three year old

 

**14.58**

EVEN

**14.58**

He’s three and three quarters

 

**14.58**

Oh right

**14.58**

How could I forget

 

**14.59**

Good thing he can’t read

 

**14.59**

Or get ahold of my phone

 

**15.00**

Well, yeah, that too

 

**15.00**

**15.00**

Okay well I won’t bother you anymore then

**15.00**

See you tomorrow

 

**15.01**

Tomorrow?

 

**15.01**

 

**15.03**

****

 

 

**Fredag 21/7 - kl. 09.51**

 

Isak slowly pulls the door open, then takes a tired step into the stairwell to start making his way down and back to work. He has more than six hours left before he can go home, but he’s already exhausted.

 

(At least he has something to look forward to later.)

 

As it turns out, he doesn’t get to even start his descent before he’s distracted by the sound of a voice.

 

“-- and Isak?”

 

It’s only two words -- the end of an unknown sentence -- but it’s still enough to make him stop so abruptly his upper body almost doesn’t react fast enough, resulting in him getting worryingly close to falling face first down the stairs. After grabbing onto the railing at the last second, Isak turns his attention back to that voice. He has no doubts about who it is; he could probably recognize Vilde’s bright voice anywhere. So, the only question he has is: who is she talking to?

 

And also: why is  _Isak_ part of their subject?

 

Isak stays still, frozen to the spot, and he barely dares to breathe as he waits for the rest of the conversation. Judging by the volume of her voice, Vilde is most likely standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaving no more than twenty-one steps between them. However, thanks to the U-shape of the stairwell, Isak knows he won’t be noticed unless one of them moves closer. He also knows  _he_ sure as hell won’t take as much as one more step now, too curious about whatever gossip Vilde has to share about him.

 

It feels like hours have passed, but in reality it’s only a matter of a couple of seconds -- a couple of seconds filled with tense silence as both Isak and Vilde wait for an answer. Then, a noise breaks the quiet, but instead of the expected voice of Vilde’s companion it comes from the door in the form of a loud creak as it shuts closed behind Isak’s back.

 

Isak winces at the sound, the echoes of it bouncing through the stairwell. It leaves another heavy silence behind it, but it’s quickly followed by Vilde’s voice.

 

“Is anyone coming?”

 

Everything goes quiet again, assumedly as she, and whoever else is there with her, listen for any indications of their privacy getting broken. Isak does feel a little bad about eavesdropping, feeling as if he’s intruding, listening to a conversation he shouldn’t hear. Which, he probably shouldn’t, but it’s not like he ever intended to find himself in this situation. He was only trying to get back to work; it’s not his fault they decided to do this here. If Vilde and her unknown company wanted to have a private conversation, there are at least twenty more suitable places to do it, not even counting anywhere outside of their workplace.

 

Also, they’re talking about  _him_. He feels like that gives him some more leeway here.

 

“I don’t think so,” comes the other voice eventually.

 

_Eva._

 

“Maybe they just opened the door and then turned back around?” she continues tentatively. Hopefully.

 

Her words are followed by a few more seconds of silence, before Vilde starts talking again, probably declaring the coast to be clear.

 

“Okay, but anyway-”

 

“Yeah, what about them?” Eva interrupts, excitement lacing her voice.

 

“They hooked up at my party last Friday.”

 

Isak almost chokes on his inhale, completely unprepared for that to be what Vilde wanted to share, even though he maybe should’ve guessed it. But this is... almost too much. This means she knows who Isak left with, something Isak himself still hasn’t figured out. To be honest, though, he had almost forgotten all about that part of the night, having pushed it into that dark corner of things he’d rather not think about.

 

Fuck. He had really hoped his lack of memory concerning this meant that nothing actually happened.

 

“They did  _what_?!” Eva exclaims, her voice way too loud considering the situation. Vilde hurries to shush her, and her next words come out closer to a whisper, but still loud enough for Isak to hear. “Are you serious?”

 

“ _Yes_. They went into the bathroom for like twenty minutes. And Isak, like,  _dragged_ him in there.”

 

“ _Wait,_ ” Eva says, and Isak can hear a hint of doubt in her voice now. “That doesn’t really mean they hooked up, though.”

 

Isak feels himself getting more and more confused by the second. Did he really hook up with someone in a  _bathroom_? Because while he knows he was in one, and that his memory during that period of time is fragmentary, he still can’t see that happening. And something feels  _off_ about that whole thing -- like he’s still missing an essential piece of the puzzle. Although, since he doesn’t actually remember everything, maybe he shouldn’t be so fast to rule it out.

 

But -- there’s also the question about who. Who the fuck is he supposed to have hooked up with? He has no memory whatsoever of hanging out with anyone except Jonas and Mahdi, and then --

 

“Even came out and his hair was like...  _a mess_.”

 

_Oh._

 

Oh,  _shit_.

 

It all comes rushing back to him now, so fast he almost gets dizzy from the intensity of it. All the memories from that bathroom that the alcohol had pushed so far back in his head that he had completely forgotten about them by the time he woke up the next morning are suddenly clear as day.

 

+

 

_Isak stopped counting the number of drinks he’s consumed long ago, only one thought on his mind now: move on, replace, move on, replace -- those same words, repeating themselves over and over and over, until he almost believes that’s what he wants._

 

_That’s not what the universe wants, though._

 

_Even finds him, still in the kitchen as he downs his nth drink of the night. Even finds him, because of course he does. The involuntary step Isak takes to get closer doesn’t go as smoothly as he wished, making him stumble, only saved by the hand reaching out to grab his waist._

 

_He can see Even’s mouth moving but it’s like someone has pressed the mute button. The music in here is so loud but his thoughts are louder and somehow they create some sort of vacuum together where no sound can exist._

 

 _There’s only one solution here, only one that Isak can find, at least. He needs to leave._ They  _need to leave. Get out of here. Move somewhere less crowded, less loud._

 

_So, he grabs a new bottle of beer, then grabs Even’s hand, and he doesn’t let go of either until the door shuts behind them._

 

_Then both of his hands are cold._

 

+

 

“That still doesn’t prove anything. I thought you had some actual  _proof_.”

 

“What else could they have been doing? They disappear into a bathroom, while  _holding hands_ , and when they come out like twenty minutes later Even’s hair is a mess and he’s wearing Isak’s shirt, and they both look, like,  _really happy_.”

 

“Wait, he was wearing his shirt?”

 

“Yes!”

 

Oh.  _Right_.

 

+

 

_“What are we doing in here?”_

 

_Isak raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t that obvious?”_

 

_“No people?” Even guesses, and while that wasn’t the only reason, it was still the main one._

 

_“No people.”_

 

_Even’s smile is soft and if Isak looks at it for too long he’s going to turn into a puddle on the floor. So he turns to his beer instead, soon realising it proves to be a great distraction seeing as it won’t fucking open, despite his impressive attempts._

 

_“This shit is impossible!” he groans, after one infuriating minute without success. “How do you even open it?”_

 

_Even laughs. “Oh my god, give it here. I’ll do it.”_

 

_Isak doesn’t know what Even actually does, but he gets the bottle open. He also gets sprayed by parts of its content, leaving the front of his shirt wet and drops of beer sliding down his hair and his face._

 

_“Fuck.”_

 

_It happens so fast, Isak does nothing but stare at him for -- most likely -- way too long to be considered normal. He watches as Even moves over to the sink, reaching for a towel to wipe off his face. And Isak might be drunk but he knows there’s still one problem that won’t be solved that way._

 

_“Even.”_

 

_Their eyes meet in the mirror, then Even turns back around to face him._

 

_“What?”_

 

_“Come closer.”_

 

_A pause._

 

_“You need to take this off and I can’t reach it.”_

 

_He’s too out of it to realise how stupid that sentence really is._

 

_But Even moves. Even moves, because Isak doesn’t know how -- stuck to the floor, feet unmoving. He gets his hands on Even’s shirt, pushing the buttons open one by one, revealing more and more skin as he goes. Everything is so quiet in here, such a difference from the noise on the other side of the door that Isak is surprised he can hear Even’s breathing._

 

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._

 

_The hand that lands on Even’s bare chest does so before the thought even runs through Isak’s mind, moving by itself. Holding himself upright._

 

_And this. This is when the fire starts. Setting his fingers alight from the point of contact, spreading through his hand, moving to take over the rest of his body. And Isak can’t tell if he’s even breathing anymore._

 

_Even’s laugh is unmistakable, breaking through his racing thoughts. “What now?”_

 

 _“_ Now _, I’ll help you with this_ problem _, and then you can have this.”_

 

_It’s not even a choice to make, so obvious it was never a question. Even’s shirt gets thrown on the floor, replaced by Isak’s plaid one, and it feels like that was the point, like Isak was always meant to end up here._

 

 _He looks up, meets Even’s eyes again before they drift down to his still wet hair. It still looks good -- like,_ really  _good. (Although Isak might be slightly biased here) -- but compared to before, with his usually styled quiff, it’s a mess._

 

_And Isak doesn’t know how to fix this problem, but he still tries, pushing a hand through the hair falling down the side of Even’s face. To be honest, he most likely just makes it worse. But Even keeps smiling at him, so Isak guesses he doesn’t really care all that much._

 

+

 

With the pieces fallen back into place, Isak is left in slight disbelief as he assesses the final picture.

 

It was Even.

 

He feels like he should be more surprised about that reveal, but when he thinks about it now,  _really_ thinks about it, he doesn’t know how he ever thought it could be anyone else.

 

Of course it was Even. And now, this new information solves the mystery about the burning in the bathroom as well. Things make sense now, but they also -- don’t.

 

They also don’t make sense at all because this turns everything upside down, makes things even more complicated.

 

“Wow. Why haven’t you told me this before now?! It’s been a week!” Eva complains, and Isak’s attention turns back to their conversation for a moment.

 

“I wanted to! But Magnus made me promise not to tell anyone,” Vilde replies, and -- for the second time this week -- Isak really appreciates Magnus.

 

But. She still told someone eventually. And she didn’t even tell Eva the  _truth_. She told her what she  _thought_ was the truth, her conclusion based on what she saw. She’s going around spreading lies about him and--

 

And Isak doesn’t know what to do now.

 

How many people know about this? Has she told anyone else?  _Will_ she tell anyone else later? How will that affect him? Affect Even?

 

Fuck.

 

“You told  _Magnus_ before me?”

 

“He was there. He saw it too.”

 

“ _I_ was there! Fuck. How did I miss that?”

 

“I think it happened after you and Sana went outside because you wanted to look at the stars,” Vilde says, and then Isak stills as he hears someone take a step. He can’t tell if she’s going up, or down, though.

 

“Oh, okay. Right. I forgot about that,” Eva says, and then there’s the sound of a second step being taken, and then another, until their footsteps are echoing in the stairwell -- their voices coming closer.

 

So -- definitely up.

 

“You were gone for quite a while, so...”

 

“A lot of stars to see.”

 

Isak stays frozen for a couple more seconds, before quickly turning on his heal and slipping back through the door to the staff room.

 

He would worry about being able to act casual when the girls enter the room, but when he sits down on one of the chairs and takes out his phone, he gets distracted by the new notification that pops up on the screen.

 

**Even - 09.56**

I’m sick so I’m gonna have to cancel our plans :(

 

Isak can't stop the sinking feeling he gets when he reads those words. He was really looking forward to spending some time with Even alone. But considering the new information he was just presented with, maybe it’s for the best. He doesn’t know how he’ll act around Even right now. He needs some time to process this first.

 

He hasn’t even started to think about his reply before another text comes through.

 

**09.57**

Raincheck? Monday maybe?

 

The typing bubble reappears as soon as the message pops up, but Isak ignores that for the moment.

 

Okay -- Monday. That leaves him with almost three days to think. Three days to work through his feelings, and more than enough time to ask the boys to help him sort out his thoughts -- which will most likely spin out of control somehow.

 

The bubble is replaced by a message, and now, Isak answers.

 

**09.57**

Also I promise I haven’t forgotten about your shirt! Giving it back the next time I see you!

 

**09.58**

Okay, no worries. Hope you feel better soon

**09.58**

I’m working until four on Monday but we could hang out after that? If you’re feeling okay by then. Also no rush about the shirt, whenever is fine

 

**10.00**

Ok great! And don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be fine by then

 

**10.00**

Okay, see you on Monday then!

 

It takes over three minutes for Even to reply, and Isak spends the first doing nothing but staring at the space where he waits for the message to appear. At the one and a half minute mark, he gives up, instead scrolling up through their message thread, up to the last one he received before today.

 

He’s gone back to look at that stupid emoji blowing a kiss at him more times than he’d like to admit. Luckily, he was alone when he first saw it, because he’s pretty sure the heat he could feel was visible on his cheeks, not to mention the smile he couldn’t hold back. Although, if he’s honest with himself, the same thing happens pretty much every time he looks at it.

 

Because--

 

Isak likes him, okay. As in,  _really_ likes him. Straight up. He can admit that now, using the actual words instead of walking in circles around it, keeping them at a safe distance. It’s too late for that; he’s stepped over the edge and he’s freefalling now but he’s not actually that scared anymore.

 

Right now, he feels okay. A little bit overwhelmed by the rumour Vilde is apparently spreading about him, and a little nervous about seeing Even the next time, knowing what he knows now, but other than that -- he feels okay.

 

Then Even answers, and as Isak feels his blush reappear, he wants to take it all back.

 

Isak fucking hates him.

 

**10.04**

It’s a date ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise?  
> lol i feel like that whole “twist” was really obvious but yeah, there it is. now isak just has to worry about this “date” thing......
> 
> so... anyone else tried waffles with salt instead of sugar? lmao my kind of grandma made that mistake once and well... never again my friends. never. again.
> 
> anyways -- chapter 5 is maybe 60% done, but im starting work again on monday and like i said before im in the middle of moving so im gonna have a lot less time now :(( but!! im gonna try my best to keep writing ok
> 
> thanks for reading!! ily ♥♥♥


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